


Worth Fighting For

by Bumble_Bee_Be



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Eleanor Calder & Louis Tomlinson Friendship, Eleanor Calder is a Beard, Harry Styles Loves Louis Tomlinson, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, M/M, Minor Eleanor Calder/Louis Tomlinson, Sad Harry Styles, Sad Louis Tomlinson, Sad with a Happy Ending, Secret Relationship, Simon Cowell Being An Asshole, i'll add as i go idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 53,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26282308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bumble_Bee_Be/pseuds/Bumble_Bee_Be
Summary: Since the beginning, it's been Louis and Harry. Since the moment Louis jumped into Harry's arms that fateful day, they were both goners. Enter homophobic asshole Simon Cowell. But their is a love worth fighting for.Idk I'm really not great at summaries and only 25 pages into this story so I'm not sure where it's going exactly, but its sweet fluff and depressing and idk.
Relationships: Eleanor Calder/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan & Zayn Malik & Liam Payne & Harry Styles & Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 356
Kudos: 199





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing for this ship/fandom and I've only actually been in the fandom for a couple months. I'm sorry for any inaccuracies and accept constructive *kind* criticism! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it!

Louis feels numb as they gather them into a group. Some boys are crying, some even look angry. But Louis immediately seeks out the boy from boot camp- the one who always manages to catch his eye, no matter the circumstances. Harry. Louis’ chest tightens when he finds him. Harry looks devastated, completely and utterly  _ destroyed _ . Louis wants to comfort him, hug him- do  _ something _ . But then there’s a man with a clipboard, trying to talk to the nervous group.

“Will the following boys please return to the stage?” The man calls. A hushed silence falls over the boys as he looks down at his clipboard. Louis’ hand jumps to his mouth as he bites at his nails nervously, barely even registering how the adorable blonde boy next to him does the same. “Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Harry Styles,” Louis’ gaze shoots over to the curly lad as he buries his face in his hands, trying to compose himself before following the two other boys. Louis completely misses the next name called, but then his heart stops. The last name called is- “and Louis Tomlinson.” 

Louis feels like he’s going to throw up, dizzy with nerves as he follows the other lads back out onto the stage. They stand in a line, arms wrapped around each other. The judge calls out a greeting and Louis smiles nervously as he replies with the others. His mind races as she speaks to them- telling them they’re all too talented to let go. Two groups. They’re making two groups. Louis has to force himself to look at the judges instead of Harry for his reaction. What do they mean? And then-

“We’ve decided to put you both through to the judges house.” Louis can’t breathe, he can’t think, he can’t- and then before he knows what’s happening he’s running to Harry, jumping into his arms, smiling as Harry grips him tightly. It ends too soon, Harry putting him down and them celebrating with the other boys. Anything else said after that is lost in a haze of euphoria for Louis. He’s in a band. That’s all he can think about. That, and strangely enough, the curly-headed boy whose arms he jumped into without even thinking.

-

Louis was an idiot. It was official. Because only an idiot would get stung by a sea urchin just hours before the biggest audition of his life. Harry had tried to go with him to the hospital, to comfort him, but Simon wouldn’t let him, insisting they needed all the practice they could get, even without Louis. And now it’s almost time to perform and Louis  _ still isn’t back _ . Liam is fuming, Zayn’s trying to hide how nervous he is, Niall has chewed his nails to bits, and Harry’s a wreck. Though he‘s more worried about Louis than the audition, if he’s being honest. 

“He’s not going to make it,” Liam mutters, running a hand through his hair. “He’s not gonna bloody make it.”

“Yes he is, he has to!” Harry replies, head buried in his hands. They’ve practiced all they can, they just need Louis. “Besides, he’s in the bloody hospital, Liam, it’s not like he’s got a whole lot of say in the matter.”

“Well maybe if he weren’t an idiot and got stung by-”

“It wasn’t his fault!” Harry jumps to Louis' defence without giving it a second thought. “He didn’t get stung on bloody purpose! He’s  _ hurt _ !”

“He-”

“Lads, shut up someone’s here,” Zayn cuts in, pointing out the window where a car is driving up. Harry's on his feet instantly, running outside with the others right behind him. He reaches Louis first, though, and is rewarded with the older boy throwing himself into his embrace once again. 

“‘M glad you’re alright,” Harry whispers, his arms tight around Louis. Louis grins and returns the squeeze as the other boys join their hug. There’s no more time for celebration though, they have an audition to do. So they hoist Louis up into their arms and run back to get in a few more practices.

Later, Harry has to force himself to look at the judges and not Louis as they perform, though he knows from the small glances he steals that the boy is smiling widely despite being in what Harry’s sure is excruciating pain. Harry’s heart races as the judges thank and excuse them.

He hangs back with Louis while Simon and Sinitta discuss the band, both too nervous to speak but comforted by the other’s presence. Then they’re called back and for the second time that day, Harry is hugging Louis as they're told they made it through.

-

They hadn’t been lying when they said it would be hard work. The boys are absolutely exhausted only three days in. They’re woken at 6:30, breakfast at 7, rehearsal from 7:30-12, lunch, then more rehearsal till 6, dinner, and then the night is theirs. Now, if they were smarter or  _ saner _ , they would probably head to bed early to get a good night of sleep. But they are neither smart nor sane. They are teenage boys. So their nights are filled with movies, games, and all around idiocy. But the boys are swiftly growing closer, forming relationships and coming together as a group. And none as much as Louis and Harry.

Louis is loud and energetic, always hopping from one thing to another. Harry’s quieter, more reserved and thoughtful. And yet no one is closer than they’ve come to be. The boys all notice- they aren’t blind afterall. They see the way Harry watches Louis adoringly no matter what Louis is doing, the way the two huddle together at night in one of their bunks giggling late into the night. They see how Louis fonds over the boy whenever he pipes in or blushes or- oh god the fonding when Harry  _ sings _ . Basically anything Harry does is fond-worthy as far as Louis is concerned. 

The others don’t mind. They’re growing closer as well, just not quite at the speed of Louis and Harry. Liam and Zayn find they greatly enjoy each other’s company, and who could not love Niall? The Irish lad won the boys over instantly. Liam and Louis definitely butt heads the most, but they get on fine nonetheless.

So that’s how the boys find themselves, three days into their stay, sitting in their rooms discussing band names. Louis’ sitting in the big armchair chair, Harry on the ground in between his legs. Liam and Zayn share the couch facing the tv and Niall is sitting cross-legged on the coffee table in front of them. Louis is playing with Harry’s curls, a normal occurrence for them now, as the boys toss out various suggestions.

“Niall and the Potatoes!” Niall’s suggestion is met with a chorus of groans and Zayn throwing popcorn at him, so he quickly amends, “Naill _ er _ and the Potatoes!” The boys jeer louder and Liam joins Zayn in his popcorn assault on the Irish boy. 

“How about something simple?” Zayn proposes. “Like ‘Zayn’?” At that, Liam promptly smacks him upside the head, Niall stretches out one foot to kick him, Louis shouts something rude, and Harry just smiles quietly at his bandmates’ antics, pushing his head further into Louis’ hands when his movements still. Picking up on the hint, Louis resumes playing with the lad’s curls and Harry’s smile widens. After several more minutes of jokes and teasing, Liam gets serious.

“C’mon lads we need an actual name!” he insists with a stern look. “We need something new, original. Like a unique selling point! What about that? ‘Unique Selling Point’? We could go by USP for short!” Even Harry groans at that, scrunching his nose up in distaste. Louis briefly takes note of how adorable that is before berating Liam,

“Payno you  _ cannot _ be serious, that’s worse than Nialler and the Potatoes for gods’ sake!” Louis shouts, but he doesn’t stop playing with Harry’s curls. Zayn laughs at that, while Niall looks almost offended. Liam rolls his eyes.

“‘S not  _ that _ bad!”

“No, it’s awful,” Harry quietly chimes in, and Liam throws his hands up in defeat. 

“Well we need a name!” he reminds them. “I don’t see you lot pitching in a ton!” 

“‘M telling you mate, Nialler and the Potatoes, ‘s got a nice ring to it,” Niall mumbles around a mouthful of popcorn. Liam groans.

“One Direction,” Harry says softly, almost as if he hadn’t meant to say it out loud. But Louis heard. Louis always heard Harry. So he shushes the other boys.

“What was that Hazza?” Harry blinks, and cranes his neck back to look at Louis.

“Oh, nothing, just muttering to meself,” he says quietly, flushing as he looks back down at his hands in his lap. Louis nudges him gently with his leg, stilling his hands in the boy’s hair.

“No, c’mon Harold what’d ya say?” Harry sighs- Louis is not going to let this go, is he?

“One Direction?” he mumbles again, barely loud enough for the others to hear, but plenty for Louis to.

“One Direction,” Louis repeats, louder this time. “I like it, what d’you think laddies?” Even if the others didn’t like it (though they all do), the look Louis gives them would’ve silenced any opposition.

“Better than Nialler and the Potatoes,” Zayn says after a second. 

“Oh because ‘Zayn’ was such an amazing suggestion!” Niall shoots back. 

“Least it wasn’t ‘Unique Selling Point,” Louis quips, earning a sigh from Liam.

“Alright, well  _ I _ like One Direction,” Liam says, trying to keep them on the right track. “Anyone not like it?” No one says a word. “Then One Direction it is! We’ll tell Simon together tomorrow, yeah?” The boys all nod in agreement and Louis sees Harry smile widely, cheeks rosy and eyes bright. It’s infectious, and Louis finds himself grinning as well. 


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My take on what happened when Louis disappeared from the x-factor house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy!!  
> Also go read A Long Way From The Playground by Pink_Sunsets because it's almost as amazing as she is. Almost. But it's an incredible story and seriously my favorite fic.

Harry can't breathe. It feels like an elephant is sitting on his chest, like he’s being crushed from every side. It’s been hours and  _ no one could find Louis _ ! He had been given two hours off earlier in the day, but when Harry returned to their room the boy was nowhere to be seen. Same for the rest of the house. He just  _ wasn’t there _ . And now it’s been over six hours. Eight since Louis was given the break. Six since Harry went to check on him at lunch and found the room empty. Five since Harry convinced everyone to cancel the rest of rehearsal. Three since the boys tried to make Harry eat something because he never had lunch. He didn’t. One since Simon disappeared into his office for a phone call and still hasn’t come out. Harry’s tried calling Louis a million times, Johannah at least a dozen times, Mark not quite as much. He’s done everything he can.

So here Harry is, pacing outside the door, unshed tears stinging his eyes and his hand carding through his hair. He pulls out his phone, checking  _ again _ for messages. Same as two seconds ago- nothing. He wants to throw the phone into the wall. He wants to punch something. He wants to cry.

“Hazza!” Liam calls as he rounds the corner. He sighs, looking at Harry sadly. “Harry, there you are mate! C’mon you need to come eat something, Zayn and Niall are already at dinner.” But Harry’s shaking his head.

“No, no, Liam, I need to be here when Simon’s done I need to-”

“ _ Eat _ , Harry. You need to eat something. You know Louis would kill us if we let you skip lunch  _ and _ dinner-” Liam cuts himself off at the pained look in Harry’s eyes at Louis’ name. He sighs quietly. “Haz, please come eat something?”

“I can’t-” The door to Simon’s office opens and the man steps out, his face unreadable. “Simon! Where is he? Is he ok? Did you talk to the police? Did you find him?” Simon raises a hand, cutting off the barrage of questions from the curly-headed boy. 

“Harry.” Harry’s heart plummets to his stomach.

“N-no. Y-you- you have to find him Simon! H-he could be hurt or kidnapped for gods’ sake! It’s  _ Louis  _ we have to find him! You said you’d handle it!” Liam’s eyes widen at Harry’s outburst- he’s never like this. He’s always soft-spoken and careful and respectful with his words. But now here’s Harry yelling at Simon. Over Louis.

“ _ Harry _ ,” Simon interrupts. “Louis is 18. He’s a legal adult now, there’s nothing we can do until he’s been missing 24 hours.”

“No!” Tears have escaped down Harry’s cheeks now, his eyes glistening and his cheeks ruddy. “No, we have to find him!” Simon sighs heavily and looks to Liam for help in calming the hysterical boy. Liam sets a hand on Harry’s shoulder.

“How about twelve?” he proposes. “At midnight we can call in the police. Harry?”

“No, no we need to find him  _ now _ !” Harry insists, whirling on Liam. His eyes are wide and frantic, tears spilling down his cheeks. He looks broken.

“Haz, there’s nothing we can do,” Liam says softly, apologetically. He can see the fire leaving Harry, worry taking over. “Come eat something, yeah?” There’s no fight left in Harry, so instead of arguing, he just nods and starts to let Liam pull him away. Then he stops and turns to Simon.

“Midnight,” he repeats. “Not a minute later.”

“I’ll do what I can,” Simon replies. Harry frowns, his brows furrowing.

“ _ No _ . Midnight, Simon,” he orders. Liam’s mouth drops open at the young boy’s boldness. Simon says nothing as Harry is pulled away by Liam but a frown grows on his face. This could be a problem. 

-

“Haz,” Zayn says softly, nudging his ankle under the table. “Y’gotta eat something mate.” Harry doesn’t even look up from his untouched food. “Harry. Please, Simon will take care of it.”

“No he won’t,” Harry whispers.

“Of course he will,” Liam interjects. Harry finally looks up at that, his eyes red-rimmed at tired. 

“No, he won’t,” he repeats, more forcefully. “He wasn’t talking to the police.”

“Haz, of course he was,” Niall pipes up. “He called them to report Lou missing.”

“No he didn’t!” Harry shouts, startling the other boys. “I was there, outside the door the whole time! It wasn’t the police, it was some producer or some shit!”

“Harry-”

“He was worried about the band, not Louis! He was worried about our image, about his if we failed. He barely even talked about Louis,” Harry’s voice cracks and he balls his hands into fists.

“Haz, I’m sure you just heard bits and pieces and missed him talking about Lou,” Liam says reasonably. But Harry isn’t feeling reasonable, he’s scared and worried and angry because no one else seems as scared or worried or angry in the slightest!

“We have to find him,” Harry whispers, not looking at the other boys. “What if he’s hurt? Or worse?”

“I’m sure he’s fine, Hazza,” Niall reassures the curly-haired lad. 

“I’m scared, I don’t think I can do this without him,” Harry admits in a small voice. The other boys exchange glances and Liam reaches over to squeeze Harry’s shoulder lightly.

“You still got us mate,” Liam reminds him. Harry’s eyes widen in alarm and he looks up at his friends.

“N-no I didn’t mean it like that! Of course I have you lads, I just-”

“It’s different with you and Lou, it’s alright Haz,” Zayn cuts in, stopping the boy’s unnecessary apology. Harry’s not entirely sure why he flushes, but his cheeks heat up and he’s sure his face is pink.

“He’ll be fine, Hazza,” Niall assures him and Harry nods, swallowing his tears.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re probably right,” he sighs, tangling his fingers in his curls and tugging lightly.

“Now please eat something? We can call the police after dinner and… and hospitals,” Liam offers, wincing at the idea Louis could be in the hospital, not missing how Harry tenses and his eyes widen at the implication. 

“‘M not hungry,” he mumbles, staring at his plate.

“Yes, you are. You haven’t eaten since this morning- it’s not healthy, mate,” Niall argues. “Plus food is good. Food is friend.” Harry lets out a small laugh at that, but knows his friends won’t stop till he eats something, so he picks at his grilled chicken, mash, and broccoli for the next half hour. 

Finally, the boys realize he won’t eat anything more and they all return to their room. Harry’s not stopped checking his phone every couple minutes all through dinner. It’s 7:00 now. Harry hasn’t seen Louis in nine hours. It’s the longest they’ve gone without seeing the other since they were grouped together, and Harry hates it. He’s exhausted, he’s worried, he’s  _ scared _ , and he just wants Louis. 

“Wanna watch a movie, lads?” Niall suggests. They’re in their normal places- Zayn and Liam sprawled across the couch, with Niall perched on the armrest. The only difference is that now Harry’s sitting in the armchair alone, the seat uncomfortably roomy without Louis squeezed in beside him. Harry’s knees are drawn to his chest, his chin resting atop him. His phone is still glued to his hand, being checked every few moments.

“We should start calling hospitals,” Harry murmurs quietly, tears pricking his eyes again. He’s not sure they ever stopped. The boys all look over at him and he clears his throat. “We should call hospitals and-and police stations. We need to find him.”

“Harry-” Liam starts, but Harry shakes his head.

“Simon’s not going to, so we have to.”

“Yeah,” Zayn sighs. “Yeah, alright Haz.” Liam pulls up a list of hospitals on his computer and they divy it up evenly, pulling out their phones to start dialing. They work through the list agonizingly slow and to no avail. No one matching Louis' description at any of them. They move on to police stations with the same results. They’ve just wasted two hours making fruitless calls and Harry’s officially losing his mind.

“He’s nowhere! He’s just  _ gone _ !” Harry exclaims, pacing in front of the telly as the other boys watch him. “H- he could be kidnapped, or in a ditch somewhere!”

“Harry-”

“Anything could’ve happened, he could be hurt o-or lost or-”

“ _ Harry! _ ” Liam cuts the rambling off with a shout. Harry stops and faces the older boy, and the broken look in his eyes almost breaks Liam’s heart. “Sit down, mate, please. Let’s watch a film, there’s nothing more we can do.” Harry’s eyes dart to the chair and he swallows hard, blinking back tears. He can’t- he doesn’t want to sit there without Lou.

“I don’t-” Harry starts, but he doesn’t want the boys to think he’s ridiculous for not wanting to sit in a  _ chair _ without Louis. But Zayn seems to pick up on it and scoots to make room for the curly lad on the couch between him and Liam.

“We’re not Lou, but I’ll bet we can supply a proper cuddle in his place,” Zayn offers with a smile. Harry gives him a tired, apologetic smile, and takes the seat, immediately curling into Zayn’s side as the boy’s fingers go straight to his curls.

“Thank you,” Harry mumbles softly as Niall turns on the telly, scrolling through the channels. After a few minutes of bickering, they settle on Despicable Me. Harry tries to focus on the movie- he really does, but his thoughts wander back to Louis and he feels tears well in his eyes again. He turns his face further into Zayn’s chest and pretends he’s Louis. Before he knows it, the emotional and physical exhaustion from the day is taking over and he’s slipping away into sleep.

For the first half hour of the movie, Zayn plays with the boy’s curls as Harry’s breathing slowly steadies and his eyes start closing more and more. After a few more minutes, when he’s sure the younger boy’s asleep, Zayn lets out a heavy sigh and looks at Liam, draping his arm over Harry’s shoulder.

“What’s gonna happen if-?”

“No,” Liam interrupts, shaking his head. “Lou’s fine, he’s fine. He’s an  _ idiot _ , but he’s fine and he’ll show up and get yelled at and that’ll be that.”

“Liam, Harry’s losing it. He’s falling apart,” Zayn points out. “If Louis doesn’t show up, I don’t know that he’ll be able to go on much longer. This could be the end.”

“D’you think they know?” Niall asks suddenly, looking at Harry. He glances up to meet Zayn and Liam’s confused looks.

“Know what, Nialler?” Liam asks as Niall’s gaze falls back to the sleeping boy’s face.

“That they’re in love with each other,” Niall says softly. All three boys look at Harry and Zayn’s arm tightens around him.

“They’d have to be idiots not to,” Liam murmurs. The movie plays on in the background, but none of the boys are paying it any mind now.    
  


“Louis does,” Zayn says after a moment. The others look at him and he sighs. “There’s no other explanation for them. Louis- Louis knows. Or, at least, he has an idea. I don’t think Harry has a clue.”

  
“They’re idiots, the both of them,” Niall scoffs. The two boys grin ruefully in agreement. They fall back into silence, each lost in their town thoughts and partially paying attention to the movie. It’s 10, they have just two more hours until they can  _ finally _ call in the police. It’s going to be a long two hours.

At 11:45, Harry wakes up to his phone buzzing. He blinks disorientedly before bolting upright, knocking Zayn in the process. He doesn’t notice, scrambling for his phone that fell on the ground beside him when he fell asleep. Louis’ face takes up his entire screen and his heart stops. His hand shakes as he answers the call, scared for the worst.

“L-Lou?” he asks, his voice shaking along with the rest of him. The other boys stare at him with wide eyes, but he can’t focus on anything but Louis. “Louis?”

“Hi Hazza,” Louis' voice comes crackling through the line. Harry almost sobs in relief. Louis sounds tired, like he had been crying. Harry’s heart clenches.

“A-are- are you ok?” Harry asks, trying to keep his voice steady. Louis’ silent for a moment.

“Yeah, Hazza, ‘m alright,” he says softly.

“Then where the bloody hell are you?” Harry whispers, his voice finally giving out on him.

“‘M at my mum’s, Haz. I just- I needed a break. Needed to see me mum,” Louis explains softly, apologetically. 

“You scared me, Lou,” the younger boy mumbles into the phone. Louis sighs on the other end of the call.

“I know, I’m sorry, love. I’ll be back tomorrow. Tell Simon and the boys I’m sorry, yeah?”

“Lou-”

“‘M ok, Haz. I promise. ‘M sorry I scared you. Have a cuddle with one of the lads and get some sleep, yeah? I’ll see you tomorrow, love,” Louis says. Harry swallows thickly, blinking away tears.

“Yeah, see you tomorrow Lou,” he whispers, then the line goes dead. Harry closes his eyes and leans forward, burying his face in his hands, relief and worry warring inside him. Louis ok. He’s ok. But something’s wrong. But he’s ok. Harry draws in a shaky breath and Zayn rubs his back.

“He’s alright, mate. He’s alright,” Zayn murmurs. Harry nods silently. 

“I’ll go tell Simon,” Liam offers. The others nod and Liam leaves the room. 

“What’d he say?” Niall asks after a moment. Harry sits up, sniffing and wiping his eyes.

“He needed a break, needed to uh, see his mum he said,” Harry says. “Just dunno why he couldn’t tell me.”

“Haz…” Zayn starts.

“‘M alright, just wanna go to sleep,” he sighs tiredly. 

“Y’want one of us to join?” After a week together, everyone knows just how affectionate and cuddly the youngest boy is. It’s usually directed towards Louis, but Harry’s normally happy to cuddle anyone who’s willing. So it’s no surprise when he nods and leans back into Zayn’s embrace, Niall hopping down from his perch to join them.

That’s how Liam finds them fifteen minutes later, passed out in a cuddled heap. He smiles tiredly and joins them, squeezing in beside Zayn, who’s draped of Harry who’s lying against his chest with Niall hugging him, his head resting on the youngest boy’s back. Liam sighs and leans against Zayn. 

Talking with Simon had not been fun, to say the least. When Liam finished telling him what had happened, Simon had been cold, angry. No relief. Just a sharp,

“So he’s fine?” To which Liam nodded. “It’s late, Liam. Go to sleep. I’ll talk to Louis in the morning. You can all sleep in, it’s been a long day.” And then he told Liam to leave and that was it. No ‘oh thank god he’s alright’. Just a cold stare and hard expression that sent shivers down Liam’s spine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!!!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friendship becomes... something more.   
> (Niall called it)  
> (So did Zayn)  
> (And Liam)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I already have a ton of prepped parts so I figured why not post another to get anyone who's actually reading this well and truly hooked?  
> This chapter is dedicated, as most will be, to Pink_Sunsets cause i kinda love her so. And Abby. Always Abby.

Things pretty much returned to normal after Louis’ stunt a few days ago. He’d gotten scolded pretty bad by Simon, apologized many times over to a worried Harry and assured him he was fine, but then life went on. He never told anyone the reason he had to leave. He needed to talk to his mum, was what he said. He just didn’t say that it was because of Harry. He’d been drawn to the boy since the moment he saw him, and being put in a band, around him 24/7 hadn’t helped at all. There was no doubt in Louis’ mind now. He was falling for Harry Styles. _Hard_.

“Good lord look at that hair though!” Louis exclaimed in a hushed whisper, pointing to a picture of a very fluffy-haired Harry at his job in a bakery back home. Harry groans and buries Louis’ shoulder, a flush visible on the back of his neck. It’s late at night and most of the other boys are asleep already, but Louis and Harry are huddled in Harry’s bunk, giggling over old photos of themselves they asked their mums to send. “Oh c’mon mate, you were bloody adorable,” Louis says, nudging Harry’s head with his shoulder. The boy just groans embarrassedly in response.

“Can we switch to you now, _please_?” Harry begs, turning to look at Louis.

“No, no I wanna see more of young Harold,” Louis insists. But then Harry pouts at him and god, Louis just cannot say no to that face. So with a heavy sigh, he hands Harry back the box of photos from his mum and reaches over to grab his own. He pulls off the lid, slightly scared of what his mother’s sent. He sighs in relief when they aren’t too awful- mostly just pictures of him with his sisters. Though there’s one of him as a toddler, in a giant coat out in the snow that sends Harry into a proper fit.

Then Harry freezes beside Louis while looking at the next picture. It’s a selfie of Louis and his ex-girlfriend, and for some reason it makes Harry look like he’s about to throw up.

“Oh. Um. That’s Hannah,” Louis explains softly, trying to ignore Harry’s reaction to the photo of him with the blonde girl.

“Oh,” is all he says.

“We- we aren’t together anymore though. Not since this all began,” Louis continues. “It wasn’t fair to her.”

“Oh.” Silence. Then, “d’you love her?” Harry’s voice is small, scared, and he looks more vulnerable than he ever has before when he looks at Louis. Louis can’t help it if his gaze drops to Harry’s lips for a send before flicking back to his eyes.

“No. Don’t think I ever did to be honest,” he admits. Harry nods and bites his lower lip. Louis _swears_ Harry’s eyes drop to Louis’ lips, but it was so fast he might’ve imagined it. And then Harry's emerald green eyes are staring into Louis' and he can barely even form a proper thought.

“Then why were you with her?”

“Thought I was supposed to be. Never felt right, though,” Louis whispers. He’s staring at Harry now- he can’t help it. He wants to kiss him so badly but-

And then Harry’s leaning forward, slowly, tentatively. He brushes his lips against Louis, just barely, but it’s all the encouragement Louis needs to surge forward, one hand moving to the back of Harry’s neck as he finally _finally_ kisses him. All too soon, Harry’s pulling away and a cold rush runs through Louis’ veins- it was too much, it wasn’t what Harry wanted, he was wrong. But then,

“Was that alright?” Harry asks softly, his eyes wide and scared. Louis smiles.

“Oh love, you have no idea how alright that was. ‘Ve wanted to do that since the moment we met,” Louis reassures the boy, reaching over to brush his thumb across his cheek. Harry smiles widely, those dimples Louis loves so much appearing.

“Good,” he whispers. Louis leans to peck his lips again before closing the box of photos and grabbing Harry’s.

“Right that’s enough of me, back to you Harold.” And if Harry cuddles a little closer to Louis, well that’s fine by him.

-

Harry has a bad feeling. He had it ever since Louis’ disappearance. Simon just… rubs him the wrong way. The other boys don’t seem to see it, though. So Harry brushes it off, ignores the way his gut twists whenever Simon looks at him or the way his skin crawls when he touches him. The way everything in him cringes away from the man. Four weeks into the live shows, and One Direction was officially his only act in the competition. Meaning they got all his attention. Harry doesn’t like it, doesn’t like the way he watches him and Louis interact.

Harry and Louis haven’t told anyone about them- whatever they are. They haven’t exactly discussed it, just went with it. They continued on as they always had, just now they would sneak a kiss occasionally. If possible, they’re even _more_ affectionate with each other, always doing whatever they can to touch the other.

If the other boys notice (which they do), they thankfully don’t say anything. It’s only when Niall walks in on Harry and Louis snogging on Harry’s bunk one afternoon six weeks into the live shows that they address it at all.

“Hey, H, have you-” Louis jumps back off of Harry as if electrocuted, breathing heavily and pushing back his fringe from his red face. Harry is in a similar state, his cheeks flushed and eyes bright. “...seen Louis?” Niall finishes, mouth dropping open. “S-sorry I didn’t mean to- uh- Liam’s looking for you, Lou. I’ll just, uh, go now, um yeah bye.” And then Niall spins on his heel and darts out of the room, red in the face. Louis and Harry exchange wide-eyed looks before hurrying after the boy. He, along with Liam and Zayn are in the lounge area, right outside.

“Yeah full-on snogging, we fucking called it-”

“Hiya lads!” Zayn exclaims, shutting Niall up. “Congratulations! Took you bloody long enough!”

“We- uh, we can explain,” Harry stutters. Louis instinctively takes his hand, squeezing it lightly. Liam raises an eyebrow and Harry chews on his bottom lip before glancing to Louis for help. Louis draws in a deep breath and levels the other with an even stare.

“We’re dating,” he says simply, gaze flicking to Harry for his reaction. The boy’s eyebrows raise slightly and a wide grin spreads on his face, his adorable dimples making an appearance. Louis squeezes his hand.

“So you’re… boyfriends?” Niall asks. Louis looks over at Harry.

“If that’s what you want,” he says quietly. Harry’s smile grows and he leans in to kiss Louis quickly. Louis turns back to the group. “Any of you lads got a problem with that?” Even if any of them did, the look in Louis' eyes would've shut them up real quick.

“Course not, mate!” Niall cheers, bounding over to clap a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “We been waiting weeks for you idiots to get it together!” Harry frowns quizzically at the others.

“Whaddya mean by that?”

“Oh please you two have had eyes for each other since the second we were grouped together!” Zayn scoffs.

“Oh we were not that bad!” Harry huffs indignantly.

“Well you weren’t as bad at the start, but Louis was a love struck idiot from the second he jumped into your arms,” Liam chuckles. “You only started getting bad after Lou pulled that little stunt and disappeared on us. So how long have you been… official I guess?”

“Our first kiss was just a few days after that, actually,” Louis admits. Niall moves behind the boys, directing them towards what’s now been deemed ‘their chair’ and pushes them into it, Harry half sitting on Louis’ lap. Not that Louis minds. Niall stands in front of them, hands on his hips and a stern expression on his face.

“Spill everything. Now,” he orders. Louis and Harry exchange a nervous look. “C’mon lads I just had to walk in on you lot necking in Harry’s bed, least you could do is give us all the gory details!”

“We uh,” Harry starts, his face bright pink, “we were looking at old photos of ourselves from our mums and uh, we found this one of Louis and… his girlfriend.”

“No!” Niall’s jaw drops and he sits on the coffee table.

“ _Ex-_ girlfriend,” Louis clarifies. “We broke up pretty much as soon as this all started. Anyway Harry got all weird and sad-”

“-I was in love with you and thought you had a girlfriend!”

“Stop interrupting, Harold!” Louis scolds, pinching Harry’s hip. “Anyway Harold was all pouty so I told him we weren’t together anymore and then he kissed me.” Harry gapes at Louis as the other boys cheer.

“I did not!”

“You did so!”

“No, I leaned forward _slightly_ and then you fucking mauled me!”

“Oh, please Harold,” Louis scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“‘S not even my name,” Harry mutters, jumping slightly as Louis pinches his waist again. Louis leans in and whispers directly in Harry's ear.

“You loved it when I ‘mauled’ you don’t even lie.” Harry giggles and a little shiver runs down his spine.

“Alright, y’ don’t have to be gross,” Niall grumbles. Louis smirks and shoots the Irish boy a wink.

“Were you ever planning on telling us?” Liam asks, not maliciously, just curious as to how open to two boys are. Harry and Louis exchange a look.

“Yeah, we were. Haven’t had a chance to have a proper talk ourselves,” Louis explains. “Honestly don’t think we need to, we’re happy going with it.” Harry nods in agreement.

“Love to be able to call you my boyfriend though,” Harry whispers, just for Louis. Louis grins and squeezes Harry tighter.

“Are you, uh, going to tell Simon?” Zayn asks. Out of all the boys, he’s the one that most understands Harry’s discomfort regarding the man. Harry tenses in Louis’ arms and he rubs soothing circles into the boy’s side.

“No, and please don’t,” Harry says quietly, not looking at the other boys. “Not yet.” The other boys murmur their agreement. Harry definitely feels it the most, but they’ve all had uncomfortable experiences with their mentor.

“So is that what was behind your disappearance?” Liam asks Louis, grinning. He’s happy for his friends, happy they’ve finally gotten over themselves and come around.

“Yeah, yeah, I needed to talk to me mum. I was confused and infatuated with young Harold here and hadn’t the faintest clue what to do about it,” Louis explains. Harry looks at him curiously.

“I never knew that,” Harry says softly. “Thought you just needed a break.”

“From what?” Louis asks. Harry looks strangely sad when he meets his eyes.

“Me.” His voice is barely a whisper, but it shatters Louis. He never wants to make Harry feel like that again, like Louis would ever not want him. Louis smiles softly and leans to kiss Harry quickly.

“Never, love,” he promises. The two are lost in their own world until Zayn clears his throat and the pair look at their friends again.

“And what’d your mum say?” Niall presses, eyes twinkling mischievously. Louis smiles at Harry.

“She told me I was more in love than she’d ever seen me and I should go for it.”

“Smart woman,” Harry murmurs. Louis tilts his chin in order to kiss his boyfriend again, properly this time.

“Right, you two are already disgusting,” Niall groans, moving to flop onto the couch between Zayn and Liam. “Let’s watch a film, shall we lads?” Harry shifts so his legs are sprawled across Louis’- he’s now almost fully sitting in his lap- and rests his head on the older boy’s shoulder. Louis immediately reaches up to play with Harry’s curls with one hand, the other resting over the boy’s knees. Harry smiles, tucking his face into his boyfriend’s neck.

“Ugh that’s gettin old real quick,” Zayn grumbles, throwing a pillow at the pair, which Louis catches before it can hit Harry.

“Oh piss off, we’ve had to hide for weeks!” Louis retorts. “Now what’re we watching?”

“How to Train Your Dragon?” Niall suggests, flipping through the channels. No one objects so he clicks on the movie and Harry snuggles further into Louis. Not that Louis' complaining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE let me know what you think!!!  
> Also, seriously, go read A Long Way From The Playground by Pink_Sunsets. My obsession is becoming a problem at this point and she needs to UPDATE PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE  
> (no take your time and make it as amazing as usual)


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the end  
> (not really)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone go read Sky Full Of Stars and A Long Way From The Playground by Pink_Sunsets

“Matt Cardle!” Louis’ heart drops. It's between them and Rebecca. They've made it so far, surely it can’t be over. He glances at Harry. The boy looks terrified. He's placed himself as far from Simon as he could, still uncomfortable with the man. Liam has his hand on his shoulder and Louis is grateful that he’s comforting Harry since Louis can’t.

Fans have started to pick up on what was going on between the two of them, fondly nicknaming them ‘Larry Stylinson’. Louis and Harry love it. Simon… doesn’t. He told them it wasn’t good for the band’s image, that they should try to distance themselves a little bit. They hadn’t. Simon told them they had to. Then he stopped making it a choice. 

So Louis can’t take Harry’s hand, can’t make sure he was alright. The announcer is still talking about how one act would be going home, and Harry can’t take it. He lowers his head, pinching the bridge of his nose and taking a deep breath, likely holding back tears. Louis can’t help it- he reaches over to tap Harry’s hip reassuringly. It seems to help, because Harry looks up.

“Rebecca.” That’s it. It’s over. They  _ lost _ . Louis looks to Harry immediately. The boy has put on a brave face, refusing like the rest of them to cry. He claps for Rebecca. Louis just stands there, feeling numb. Then Matt comes over and the boys congratulate him before all going over to Rebecca. It’s over for them. But maybe now he and Harry can be just that- him and Harry. They can go on dates, hold hands in public. Maybe it’s for the best.

-

It’s not over. One Direction isn’t done yet. Simon had offered them a contract, and after barely even skimming over it, the boys had signed. They have a  _ contract _ ! They just spent a month in LA recording an album, and now they’re finishing up the X-Factor Live Tour. They are  _ far _ from over. They’re three months into the tour and loving it. Sure it’s insane, what with the screaming fans and flashing lights, but the boys are  _ loving _ it, every second of it. Louis and Harry have, if possible, grown even closer. 

Some couples might grow tired of each other after three months of being together 24/7 but not Louis and Harry. They fall deeper in love with the other every day, though neither of them thought that was possible. The boys tease and grumble, but support their friends in every sense of the word. It’s perfect, it’s all perfect. Until they mess everything up in one night.

They’re plastered. Well,  _ Louis _ is plastered. Harry is slightly buzzed, the other three varying levels of drunkenness. But Louis is absolutely shitfaced. And yet he’s still amazing. To be fair, he’s always amazing to Harry. But here Louis is, piss-drunk, and performing like a god. They’re throwing cake at each other, laughing, and loving every second of it. Harry can’t stop smiling and laughing at his boyfriend. His inhibitions lowered, he looks so free, so happy, so  _ himself _ . His eyes are sparkling and his cheeks are pink. So when Harry trips and falls during ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ he doesn’t object as Louis picks him up off the floor and slings an arm around his shoulders. They sing the song to each other, not a care in the world. They see only each other, feel only the burning love in their hearts. It’s a good night. If only they knew the consequences it will have.

-

“Turn it off!” Harry groans, shoving at his boyfriend’s shoulder. “For god’s sake Lou  _ turn it off _ !” Louis sighs and opens his eyes, rolling over and grabbing the rudely ringing phone. It’s 8 am and Simon’s name flashes across the screen. Louis sighs heavily and sits up. “Louis Tomlinson don’t you  _ dare _ take that call.”

“Haz, I gotta, it’s Simon. Now shut up,” he grumbles. Harry just flips him over and rolls onto his stomach, burying his face in the pillow. Louis answers the call, running a hand through Harry’s curls as he holds the phone up to his ear.

“Morning Simon,” Louis yawns into the phone.

“Louis. We need to talk.” Simon’s voice is cold and Louis freezes, pulling his hand from Harry’s head. Harry notices and looks over at his boyfriend with a frown. He sees the expression on Louis’ face and sits up, rubbing Louis’ arm gently.

“Yeah, ‘course, what’s up?” Louis asks, trying to keep his voice steady.

“No, this is something that needs to happen in person. The plane to LA leaves in three hours, I expect you to be on it.”

“O-ok. Yeah, sure, I’ll let the others know and-”

“No, just you Louis,” Simon interrupts. “The others are staying in London.”

“But-”

“I’ll see you in 15 hours, Louis.” The line goes dead and Louis swallows hard.

“He wants to see me in LA. The plane leaves in three hours,” Louis tells Harry, feeling strangely scared.

“Oh. Uh, alright, we better start packing then.” Louis shakes his head.

“No, he just wants to see me. You’re staying here with the boys,” Louis sighs, knowing Harry won’t like that.

“No way, I’m coming with you,” Harry insists, a frown growing on his face. Louis grins and pinches his cheek affectionately.

“Love, it’ll just be a couple days. Everything’s fine,” he reassures the boy. Harry still frowns, but Louis silences any further protest with a kiss. “Now give me a cuddle before I have to pack and leave, yeah?” And as if Harry’s going to say no to that, though something in his gut tells him everything is not fine. 

-

Louis takes a deep, shaky breath. He’s not sure why he’s nervous, he’s had plenty of meetings with Simon before. But something in him tells him this isn’t going to be good. However, it’s not like he has much of a choice. So he opens the door, steeling himself as he steps into Simon’s office, wishing Harry was with him.

“Louis,” Simon’s hard voice greets him. Louis swallows hard. Simon looks angry. And Simon angry is never good. “Sit, please.” Louis does as he’s told, for once. Today is clearly not the day to fight him. Simon levels the boy with a cold stare, his face unreadable. “I saw your performance last night.”

“Oh,” is all Louis says.

“What the hell was that Louis?” The cold anger in Simon’s voice sends a shiver down Louis’ spine. 

“I- I don’t know what you mean,” he says in an uncharacteristically small voice. Simon slams his hands down on the desk, standing up. Louis jumps at the sudden, aggressive move, his eyes wide. 

“You bloody well know what I’m talking about! Acting like a bloody fag for all the fucking world to see! You think that’s funny Louis?!”

“N-no, sir. ‘M sorry I was drunk Simon, I didn’t know what I was-”

“Please, Louis,” Simon scoffs, sitting back down in his chair. “It’s not just last night. I’ve been trying to ignore whatever the fuck’s going on with you and Harry for months, hoping you two would realize just how wrong it was on your own, but clearly you need some assistance in the matter.”

“Wh-what do you mean?” Louis asks, a pit growing in his stomach. Simon smiles cruelly.

“There’s a model about your age I’ve contacted. Eleanor Calder. Harry’s going to start seeing her.” Louis’ heart plummets, horror spreading through him rapidly.

“No,” Louis whispers. “No, you can’t do that to him! He’s 16 for gods’ sake, Simon! You can’t force a beard on him!”

“I can’t. But you can,” Louis frowns, on the verge of tears as Simon pulls out a piece of paper from a desk drawer.

“W-what do you mean? I’m not doing that to him!” Louis insists, looking at Simon in horror. The man slides the paper in front of Louis. “What is this?”

“In simple terms, a beard contract. It says that Harry will have Eleanor as a beard as long as I see fit,” Simon explains offhandedly. Louis feels sick. “As his legal guardian, you can sign it for him.”

“No,” Louis tells him, shaking his head. “No, no way am I doing that to Harry. There’s no way! He’s a bloody  _ child _ , Simon!” Simon fixes him with a cold glare.

“Then you’re out of the band.” Louis’ jaw drops.

“What?”

“Either you sign this contract or you are out of the band, Louis.”

“Y-you can’t do that!” Louis cries. He can’t leave, he can’t leave Harry alone. He can’t.

“I can, actually. If you boys had looked at your contracts a little closer, you’d know that. It’s up to you Louis.”

“Simon, I can’t let you force a beard on Harry! I- I love him!” Simon’s face contorts into a mask of pure fury.

“You do not!” he roars, once again jumping out of his chair. “You may think you love that boy, but get it through that thick skull of yours- what you two have is  _ wrong _ and always will be!” Louis feels tears sting his eyes, and fights them back. He won’t cry, he  _ won’t _ . He will not give Simon that satisfaction. The man lowers his voice to a hiss, “You won’t make it Louis, not without me. Harry and Zayn might, they have the talent and looks. They could get picked up by someone. Take a miracle for Liam to Niall to make it, but it’s possible. But you, Louis. You’re nothing special. You’ll just slip through the cracks, left forgotten. You’re  _ nothing _ without me.” And a part of Louis believes him. 

“B-but Harry would make it?” Simon blinks, taken aback. Louis cares more for the curly-headed boy than he realized. A cruel smile spreads on Simon’s face. He can work with this. He leans over the desk, closer to Louis.

“Not if I have any say in it. I’ll ruin him, Louis. He won’t be able to sing in a karaoke bar by the time I’m done,” he hisses. Louis swallows, his resolve hardening. He knows what he has to do. 

“I’ll sign it,” Louis whispers. Simon sits back down with a satisfied smile. “But not for Harry. I’ll do it, I’ll take the beard.” Simon mulls that over for a minute before nodding and passing Louis a pen. Hand shaking, Louis fills out the contract and hands it back to Simon.

“Eleanor will be around tomorrow so you can meet her and then you’ll go on your first official date. Paparazzi will be there. You can let Harry know tonight that it’s over,” Simon informs him. Louis looks up at him at that. 

“What? No, no I’m not ending it with Harry! I love him!” Simon’s expression darkens again. 

“You  _ will _ end it with Harry, or there will be consequences, Louis.” His tone leaves no room for argument, but Louis does anyway.

“No, fuck that! Fuck you and fuck your consequences. I’m already taking on a beard, Simon, I’m not losing Harry! Do whatever you want to me, I’m  _ never _ leaving Harry.” Louis leaps out of his seat and strides towards the door, about to leave when,

“Not consequences for  _ you _ , Louis.” The thinly veiled threat towards Harry is enough to make Louis stop in his tracks, his blood running cold. He sighs, closing his eyes and balling his fists. He’s lost, and they both know it. Louis takes a deep breath and turns to face Simon.

“At least let me do it in person. Please, Simon, he deserves that much,” Louis begs. Simon taps his chin, thinking it over. 

“I’ll fly the rest of the boys out tomorrow. We can push Eleanor back a bit,” he agrees, and Louis’ shoulders sag in relief. 

“Thank you,” he whispers, hatred for the man burning in his chest. Simon nods for him to leave, and Louis does just that. He did the right thing. He knows he did. But how can he tell Harry what he’s done? What he’s agreed to? How can he make him see it was all to protect Harry? That he was right about Simon all along. Louis doesn’t let himself cry until he’s reached his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearly I've given up on historical accuracy lol. I'm just gonna write this how I want, I get a headache trying to make everything accurate. God it's SO MUCH to keep track of I don't know how some people do it. Please let me know what you think so far!! Comments make my day!


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis breaks Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry

Harry drums his fingers along a bouncing thigh as the car drives up the long drive leading to Simon’s house. Something’s wrong. He  _ knows _ something’s wrong. He’s known since Louis got that call from Simon. He had begged Louis not to go that morning. The knot in his chest now tells him he should have tried harder. 

“Harry, lad, calm down I’m sure it’s all fine,” Zayn reassures him, noticing how nervous the boy is. Herry shoots him a quick smile before looking back out the window. The car pulls to a stop in front of the front door and Harry’s throwing the car door open and running into the house without another thought. Relief floods him when he sees Louis standing just inside waiting for him. A smile takes over his face and he surges into his boyfriend's arms, burying his face into the crook of Louis’ neck.

But Louis doesn’t hug him back. Instead, he gently pries Harry off of him, stepping back with a sad look. Harry’s heart twists.

“Hazza… we need to talk, love,” Louis says softly, sadly. Harry nods, numb and scared. Louis looks at the other boys, just now walking in, telling them, “Lads, Haz and I need a minute, yeah?” as Harry lets Louis take his hand and lead him into the adjacent living room. They sit down on the couch and Louis takes a deep breath, running his thumb over Harry’s knuckles lightly.

“Louis, what’s going on?” Harry asks, looking at Louis with wide eyes.

Louis can’t do it. He can’t. He  _ can’t _ break Harry’s heart like this, he just can’t- but he has to. Or god knows what Simon will do. So Louis runs over the story he concocted last night instead of sleeping. He takes another deep breath and raises his eyes to meet Harry’s emerald green ones.

“It’s over, Harry,” Louis whispers. He sees all the emotions that flash across Harry’s face- confusion, disbelief, worry, and then heartbreak. Pure, unabashed heartbreak. 

“W-what do you mean?” Tears are welling in Harry’s eyes now, and Louis is barely able to hold back his own. He just has to get through this. 

“Harry, it’s  _ over _ .” Louis can’t look at Harry. He can’t look at Harry and lie to him like this. So he looks at their hands instead. “I- I met someone else. Her name is Eleanor. But Simon asked me to wait to tell you till after the tour. He asked me to come first to tell me they were cutting the tour short and I could tell you. I’m so sorry, Hazza-”

“No,” Harry whispers, shaking his head. It can’t be true. “No, no this is Simon’s doing, what did he do Louis?” Louis just shakes his head, drawing in a shaky breath. 

“I’m sorry Harry. I-” He can’t do this. “I love her.” He  _ has _ to do this.

Harry actually feels his heart shatter. He feels it break into a million pieces. He doesn’t believe this, he  _ can’t  _ believe this. He takes Louis' chin in his fingers, making the older boy look at him. There are tears in both their eyes and Harry has to stop his lower lip from wobbling. 

“Tell me again,” Harry demands, trying to keep his voice from shaking. “Tell me you don’t love me, tell me you love someone else.”

This is it. Louis has to do it. He  _ has _ to. “I don’t love you, Harry. I’m in love with Eleanor.” It’s interesting, Louis thinks, how he can actually see, actually  _ feel _ it when Harry breaks. He doesn’t know what it is exactly. But he sees the instant it happens, feels it like a stab to the heart. 

“Louis, please-” Harry begs, but Louis can’t take it anymore. He has to get out of here, he can’t be here. So with a broken, whispered “I’m sorry,” he squeezes Harry’s hand and runs from the room, no longer able to hold back tears. The boys are standing right outside the door and reach for him when they see his tear-streaked face, but he’s too quick, and the boys are too worried about Harry to chase after him.

“Haz? Harry?” Niall calls as all three of them rush into the room. The sight that greets them is not a happy one- Harry is staring in the place where Louis just was, his mouth open slightly, almost in an expression of disbelief. But when Niall kneels in front of the boy, he sees it’s not disbelief- it’s heartbreak. There’s something broken in his tearful, red-rimmed eyes. 

“Oh god, Harry,” Zayn whispers upon seeing the boy. Harry doesn’t even seem to register their presence. Zayn walks around Niall to sit next to Harry, moving one hand to play with the curls at the nape of his neck. It finally gets Harry to look at him. “Harry, what happened?”

“H-he doesn’t love me,” Harry whispers, his eyes wide and vulnerable.

“Mate, don’t be ridiculous,” Liam says gently, setting a hand on Harry’s shoulder as he sits down behind him. “Lou loves you, I’m sure you two will figure out whatever happened.” But Harry shakes his head frantically, still looking at Zayn.

“No, no he doesn’t he doesn’t love me. I wasn’t enough for him, I’m never enough, he found someone else. Someone  _ better _ . He loves  _ her _ ,” Harry whispers. The boys are all on the verge of tears at seeing their youngest so utterly destroyed.

“Harry  _ no _ ,” Zayn whispers, brushing Harry’s curls back gently. “Louis looks at you like you hung the moon and stars, he’s madly in love with you, mate, you know this. Why don’t you tell us what happened?”

“I just did!” The boy cries, eyes wild. “He met someone else, he doesn’t love me anymore!”

“Harry, that can’t be true,” Niall argues. But Harry’s gone now, lost in his own head. 

“He doesn’t love me, he doesn’t love me,” Harry mutters, rocking slightly. His eyes are glazed over, his eyebrows drawn together in a pained expression. Zayn pulls the boy into a hug with a sigh, rubbing his back gently. Harry fists his hands in the older boy’s shirt, nuzzling his face into his neck. He can almost pretend it’s Louis holding him, but the reminder that it isn’t just makes his tears flow faster, his body shake harder with silent sobs. He can’t do this. He doesn’t know how to do this without Louis. 

Louis, meanwhile, can’t believe what he’s just done. He ran straight to his room, slamming the door shut and crashing his fist into the wall with a scream. He cannot believe he did that. He  _ hates  _ that he did that. The look in Harry’s eyes- Louis drops to his knees with a ragged sob, burying his face in his hands. He loves Harry more than life itself and he just  _ broke his heart _ . All Louis can see is the broken look in Harry’s eyes, all he can hear is the pain in his voice with the whispered plea before Louis ran. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Harry,” Louis whispers into the empty room, tugging at his hair and squeezing his eyes closed. “God you have no idea how sorry.” He wants Harry, wishes he could hold him. Fucking Simon. Louis should have listened when Harry told him he didn’t trust the man. They should’ve looked closer at their contracts. They should’ve been smarter, not so naive. But it’s too late. Simon owns them and there’s nothing Louis can do. God, Louis hates this. He hates Simon, he hates his contract, he hates  _ himself _ . He always told himself, and the other boys on a few occasions, that if anyone hurt Harry he’d kill them. He’s fiercely protective of the curly-headed boy, and has been since the second he saw him. He felt this inexplicable need to keep him safe, to never let anyone hurt him. How ironic that Louis himself just hurt him in the worst way possible. 

“Louis,” Simon calls from outside his door, and Louis wipes away his tears, his heartbreak turning to anger at the sound of the man’s voice. He moves to his feet and whips open the door, glaring at the man on the other side.

“What do you want from me, Simon? What more could you  _ possibly _ want?” Louis growls, all sense of respect or decorum gone in his rage and devastation.

“Just wanted to let you know I’m proud of you, son. You’re doing the right thing.” That does it. Louis explodes.

“I just broke the heart of the love of my life you homphobic  _ dick _ !” Louis roars, stepping closer to Simon. “And you’re  _ proud of me _ ?! You have no fucking right to call me son! You have no  _ fucking right Simon! _ ” Angry tears are streaming down Louis’ cheeks, his vision is blurry and red with rage. “I hate you, I fucking  _ hate you _ !” Simon just watches him calmly as Louis stops yelling, breathing heavily as the anger dissipates. Simon places a hand on Louis’ shoulder and looks into his tear-filled eyes.

“You’ll thank me for this one day, Louis,” he promises the boy.

“Oh  _ fuck off _ Simon,” Louis sighs, shoving the man’s hand off his shoulder. He doesn’t want to touch him, he doesn’t want to talk to him, he doesn’t want to  _ see  _ him. He’s tired. Tired of crying, tired of being angry, tired of all Simon’s bullshit. Simon sighs heavily.

“I have a meeting with some executives, need to fill them in on our little… situation. I’ll see you lads later, alright?”

“Whatever, Simon,” Louis mutters, running a hand through his hair. Simon nods, and walks away. Louis groans, rubbing his face with the palms of his hands. He hears Simon’s car leaving and realizes. Simon’s gone. There’s no chance of him walking in on them, of him stopping Louis from explaining, from _apologizing_. He can explain everything, Harry doesn’t have to hate himself, he can hate Louis instead. With that thought, Louis is off, tearing through the hallways to Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus christ that hurt I'm sorry-


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Protective Liam. Louis explains and Eleanor is introduced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT  
> I'm going camping until Monday and barely managed to slip in this chapter right before we leave in like 30 minutes so I won't be posting again until Monday at the earliest.

The door to the living room opens, showing a wrecked Louis, face tear streaked and eyes red. Liam’s on his feet instantly, walking to catch Louis as he runs toward the curly-haired boy. Harry’s calmed down a bit, cuddled into Zayn. They managed to get a bit more of the story from him, enough to know Louis should not be around him right now.

“Harry-” Louis starts, his voice raw and broken. Harry tenses in Zayn’s arms at Louis’ voice.

“No, Louis,” Liam says. “We need to talk.”

“No, Liam, please-”

“Li, get him out of here,” Zayn orders, holding Harry tighter as the boy shakes.

“Please, I just-” but Liam is forcing Louis outside, practically picking the smaller boy up and carrying him. The second he sets him down, Louis bolts for the room, but Liam tackles him to the carpeted floor, pinning his wrists to the ground. Louis thrashes against his hold, frustrated tears flowing down his face. “Please, Liam, he’s going to be back soon, I need to- I need to explain  _ please _ !”

“Then explain to me first, Tommo. Cause Harry’s an absolute wreck, and it’s  _ your _ fault.” Louis isn’t the only one who cares about Harry.  _ All _ the boys are ferociously protective over the youngest member. And right now, Louis is the cause of his pain. 

“Liam  _ please _ ,” Louis begs, still squirming. 

“Tell me first, Louis.” Louis feels like screaming, but instead he grits his teeth and looks up at Liam, forcibly calming himself.

“Let me up and I’ll explain everything, I promise,” Louis promises. Liam sits up with a sigh before moving to his feet, offering Louis a hand and hauling him to his feet. “It was Simon, Liam. Harry- Harry was right. He was right about  _ everything _ . Simon- he  _ made  _ me do it. He said he’d kick me out of the band, that he’d ruin Harry’s career or- or worse. If it was just me I wouldn’t- but  _ god _ he threatened  _ Harry _ , Liam.” Louis is on the verge of tears again. 

“H-he was trying to force a beard on him. Eleanor, that’s the beard. He wanted Harry to have a _beard_ , Liam. And I- I couldn’t let that happen, I _couldn’t_ _let that happen_ Payno. So I offered to take the beard. Then he told me I had to end it with Harry. God I had to _beg_ him to let me do it in person. And now he’s gone, but I don’t know how long and _please_ Liam I need to talk to him, I need to _apologize_.” He’s pleading with Liam now, desperate to get to Harry. Liam’s expression is unreadable and Louis is _this close_ to breaking down again.

“Ok,” Liam agrees. “Let me go check with Harry.”

“Thank you, Payno. Just- just tell him I’m sorry. That I want to explain. Please.” Liam starts to leave, but Louis catches his wrist. “Liam, uh, could you- could you not tell the boys about Simon threatening Haz? I- Harry can’t find out.” He doesn’t need to explain why. Liam nods and walks back inside, leaving Louis alone with his thoughts. 

“Hey, Haz,” Liam says softly as he kneels beside the boy. “Mate, I think you should hear him out.” Incredulous exclamations come from the two other boys, but Liam ignores them. Harry looks at Liam nervously, chewing on his lower lip. He doesn’t want to see Louis, doesn’t want to hear his explanations. But Liam thinks he should. And Liam wouldn’t let anything happen to Harry, he knows that. So, with a deep, shaking breath, Harry nods. Liam squeezes his knee and walks over to the door, calling in Louis. Louis walks in, looking almost worse than Harry. But he’s still the most beautiful boy Harry has ever seen. Zayn’s grip tightens on Harry’s waist as Louis comes to kneel in front of Harry. His gaze flicks to the other boys.

“C-can we have a minute lads?” Louis asks. He’d really rather do this in private. But, as expected, the other boys shake their heads. So, with a sigh, Louis reaches for Harry’s hands. Harry pulls away, though, and something in Louis breaks. 

“Haz, Hazza, I’m so sorry,” Louis whispers. Harry shakes his head.

“D-don’t call me that,” Harry stutters. Louis feels more tears well in his eyes.

“Harry, god, I’m so sorry. It- it was Simon, you were right,  _ god _ you were so right, Haz-Harry. Please, please just let me explain.  _ Please _ .” Harry studies Louis’ eyes, seeing nothing but anguish and guilt and  _ love _ .

“Lads,” Harry says softly, still staring into his eyes. “Give us a minute, please.” The boys exchange a worried look, but obey Harry’s wishes, leaving with final shoulder squeezes and muttered “Right outside if you need us, mate.”’s. Then Harry and Louis are alone, Louis crouched between Harry’s knees. Harry shifts, gesturing for Louis to sit with him on the couch.

“So…” Harry prompts, looking down.

“Harry, it wasn’t true, none of it, I swear, I’m so- god I’m so sorry,” Louis rambles.

“Louis, shut up,” Harry snaps. Louis looks at him in shock. “Stop apologizing and just tell me what the bloody hell is going on, please.”

“It was Simon, Haz, it was all Simon. H-he’s making me take a beard.” Harry’s mouth drops open, his eyes widening in horror.

“Louis,  _ no _ ,” he gasps, but Louis holds up a hand.

“I- if I didn’t, he was going to kick me out of the band, Hazza. I wasn’t about to let that happen. But then… then he told me I had to break it off with you and god- I  _ could not do that _ ,” Louis whispers, reaching for Harry. The younger boy doesn’t pull back this time, so Louis gently brushes away a tear from his cheek.

“But you did,” Harry whispers, and he sounds so broken it shatters Louis all over again.

“I had no choice, baby,” Louis whispers. “He...” Louis can’t tell Harry why. Harry will blame himself, and that’s one thing Louis can’t handle.

“He what, Louis?” Harry demands, growing angry again. “What? What did he do to make you do that to me, Louis? What could he  _ possibly _ have threatened that was so bad that you-”

“I can’t tell you, Harry!” Louis exclaims. He can’t- he  _ won’t _ let Harry blame himself for this. “I can’t tell you, but please,  _ please,  _ Harry, if you never believe another word I say to you, know I didn’t ever want to hurt you, all of it, it was all to keep us safe, to keep you from  _ Simon _ . I’m- god I’m  _ so sorry _ Harry.”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier, why- why  _ do _ that?” Harry asks. Louis sighs, running a hand through his hair. 

“He was watching, Hazza. He- he didn’t trust me to go through it. I barely made it. God, baby I’m so sorry, I’m  _ so sorry _ ,” Louis says again, but Harry’s surging forward, effectively shutting him up with a kiss. The relief Louis feels at the sign that Harry’s forgiven him is unparalleled. He kisses him back, both relieved and scared. Harry pulls back much too soon in Louis’ opinion. Harry presses their foreheads together, one hand on the back of Louis’ neck and the other on his thigh. Both boys are breathing heavily, eyes closed.

“What are we going to do, Louis?” Harry asks softly. Louis pulls back slightly, resting a hand on Harry’s cheek as he smiles sadly.

“I’m going to take the beard,” he whispers.

“Louis  _ no _ -”

“Yes, Harry. I’m taking the beard. It won’t be forever, just long enough to convince the fans we aren’t together.”

“But we are, right?” Harry asks hopefully, almost sacred of the answer. Louis smiles softly, running his fingers through Harry’s curls.

“If you’re willing to fight for it, so am I, love. I love you, Hazza,  _ always _ ,” Louis promises. Harry breaks into a brilliant smile, leaning forward to kiss Louis again.

“I love you, too, Lou.”

-

Louis wants to hate her. He tries really, really hard to hate her. But she’s sweet and funny and understanding. And best of all,  _ she’s a Larrie _ . Because apparently that’s what people who ‘ship’ him and Harry call themselves. Louis discovers this at tea, when they finally cut through the tense silence that’s been hanging over their heads for the past ten minutes since arriving at the cute little cafe and being led to a private table in the garden. Eleanor tried to talk to him at first, but quickly realized he had no interest in chatting. 

“I’m sorry about all this, you know,” Eleanor says softly. Louis looks up at her, confused and surprised by the apology. She looks genuinely sorry and Louis almost feels bad about being so cold to her.

“‘S not your fault,” Louis mutters, looking down at his hands. “If it weren’t you, it’d be someone else.”

“You two are cute, you know,” she tells him after a second. Louis jerks his head up, eyes wide. He can’t tell if she’s being malicious or genuine.

“W-what are you talking about?” he demands. Just how much does this girl know? Eleanor’s eyes widen.

“Oh I- I’m sorry, I just thought-”

“Thought what exactly?” Louis demands through clenched teeth. What lies did Simon fill her head with? “Whatever Simon told you, it’s not true.” Louis can feel tears in his eyes, but he refuses to cry in front of this stranger.

“No, no, Louis, I  _ know _ !” Eleanor insists frantically, reaching for Louis’ hand. He pulls away and a strange expression flits across the girl’s face. “I- I thought you were with Harry, I- the only reason I agreed to do this is cause Simon told me you were looking for a girlfriend and I just- I couldn’t believe you’d do that to Harry, you seem so in love, I’m sorry I just-”

“Wait what?” Louis asks, cutting off Eleanor’s rambling. “What the bloody hell are you on about?”

“I…” Eleanor looks down, an embarrassed flush spreading across her cheeks. “I’m kind of a Larrie?” Louis frowns and Eleanor can’t help but laugh at the befuddled expression.

“You’re a  _ what _ ?”

“A Larrie, Louis. It’s what people who think you and Harry are together call themselves. I’m sorry I assumed-”

“No, no, you’re right,” Louis blurts before he can stop himself, staring at her in awe. “I- you’re right. The whole lot of you. Simon- Simon found out. The girlfriend thing was just a hunt for a beard he’s making me take on.” Eleanor’s jaw drops.

“God, I so regret signing that NDA right now,” she whispers, eyes wide. Louis lets out a laugh, feeling more relaxed now that he knows the girl doesn’t expect anything from him. “So… you have to have a beard, what does that mean?” Louis sighs.

“Well, as far as Simon knows, Haz and I are over,” Louis starts, only to be cut off immediately by a strangled sound from Eleanor.

“Why would he think that? What did that homophobic prick do?” Louis winces. It wasn’t Simon that broke Harry’s heart, if only briefly- it was Louis.

“He- I- I kind of broke up with Harry?” Eleanor’s eyes grow impossible wider. “But it was just for Simon, that’s all. Haz and I are fine, I explained everything. We were terrified I’d have to hide it from you, that you’d be awful. But Simon thinks Harry’s completely devastated now and believes we’ve been together for months. It’s not all that hard for Harry to pretend, I had to let him believe it for a while before Simon fucked off and I could apologize.” Louis’ heart aches at the reminder of what he did to his boyfriend.

“God, Louis, what did you do?” Eleanor asks. Louis hesitates- maybe he shouldn’t be telling her all this. But she seems genuine and  _ did _ sign an NDA, after all. And maybe he needs someone to talk to.

“I- I told him I didn’t love him. I looked him in the eyes and told him I didn’t love him. God, I’ve never seen Haz look that-” Louis draws in a shuddering breath. “I broke him.” When he looks up, Eleanor is staring at him with a mixture of confusion, horror, and pity.

“How- why- how could you  _ do _ that?” she asks. Louis feels a misdirected flash of anger towards her- she has no idea, she doesn’t know just how much he _ did not have a choice _ .

“Well I didn’t bloody want to!” he exclaims, slamming his hand down on the table. “It’s not like I had much of a fucking say in the matter!” Louis is grateful for the privacy of their table now, giving him the freedom to explode without worrying about prying eyes. 

“What do you  _ mean _ , Louis?” Eleanor presses, and suddenly it’s all far too much.

“Harry!” Louis screams. “He fucking threatened Harry!” And there it is. Eleanor’s eyes widen in horror and she takes Louis’ hand as he buries his face in his other, his body shaking with silent sobs. He can’t believe he’s breaking down like this in front of this strange girl. But he can’t help it. It’s been weighing on him for days, and he had no one to talk to. He couldn’t tell the other boys- they’d lose it. He barely even mentioned it to Liam and he looked horrified. Louis can’t do that to any of the others. He couldn’t tell his mum. Can’t drag her into this. And  _ god _ , Harry, the one person he wants to talk to, can  _ never _ know. Louis knows Harry better than he knows himself, he knows if Harry found out that  _ he _ was why Louis was doing this, the younger boy would never forgive himself.

“Louis, what do you mean he _threatened_ _Harry_?” Eleanor asks, eyes wide with concern. Louis takes a deep breath.

“H-he said he would ruin Harry, kick him out of the band and make sure his career was over for good. And then when that wasn’t enough he… he threatened worse.”

“Worse? What do you mean worse?” 

“God I  _ don’t know, ok? _ I didn’t ask! I didn’t  _ want _ to know! Harry’s a fucking  _ kid _ for gods’ sake!” he exclaims, looking at Eleanor with a wild look in his eyes. She squeezes his hand gently, understandingly. “Who knows what Simon’s capable of? He practically owns us cause of those fucking contracts.”

“C-can’t you get out of them or something?” Eleanor asks, but Louis is shaking his head.

“Not without him ruining us,” Louis sighs. “And I  _ won’t _ let that happen to Harry.” Eleanor studies him for a second, lips pursued thoughtfully.

“You really love him, don’t you?” she whispers. Louis looks up at her then, and she inadvertently sucks in a sharp breath at the intensity burning in his eyes.

“More than life itself,” he answers, and Louis doesn’t think he’s ever meant something more in his life.

“So what are you going to do?” Louis puffs out a breath, running a hand through his hair.

“Play along. Take a beard. Act- act like Harry and I are nothing. Follow Simon’s little rules. Take whatever moments with Haz that I can get. Before he decides it’s all too much,” Louis adds, his heart breaking at the thought. Eleanor squeezes his hand gently, feeling awful for the two boys.

“Well…” she starts slowly, “how would you feel about  _ me _ being the beard?” Louis frowns at her curiously.

“You don’t have to, Eleanor. You don’t have to deal with… all this,” he says, gesturing vaguely at himself.

“Louis, c’mon, it’s perfect!” she exclaims. “I certainly have no interest in you, I’m far too invested in your relationship with Harry to ever get in the way. Besides, my father is friends with Simon so-” Louis stiffens at that.

“You- what?” he demands. Eleanor actually sees his walls go up as he withdraws back into himself, distrust adding a cold edge to his words. 

“No, no, Louis I just meant that-”

“You’re  _ family friends _ with Simon?”

“No! Well, yes, but-” Louis is standing up to leave, though, shaking his head at her. 

“If you tell him anything I’ve told you, I swear to god, Eleanor…” he leaves the threat empty, lingering in the air between them. Eleanor grabs his wrist, stopping him from leaving.

“My  _ dad _ is friends with him, Louis. For me, Simon’s like that creepy uncle you barely tolerate, I  _ swear _ ,” she insists, almost begging him to believe her. 

“What’s in it for you?” Louis asks, his voice rough with mistrust. “Being a beard, what’s in it for you?”

“Besides getting to know One Direction personally?” Eleanor jokes. Louis raises an eyebrow, unimpressed. “Well there’s always the  _ massive  _ payday, instant fame, travelling to exotic places… Take your pick.”

“You swear you’re not going to rat us out?” Louis asks, still skeptical.

“Do you  _ want _ to see my additions to Larry blogs?”

“Your  _ what now _ ?”

“Oh yes, I actively participate. Suppose I’ll have to stop now, though…” she muses. Louis sits back down, blinking in disbelief at her.

“Back up-  _ Larry blogs _ ?”

“You two are quite popular among fans, did you really not know?” Louis chuckles incredulously, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, mate, I’ll catch you up on everything. Why don’t we get out of here, though? Our teas’ve grown rather cold I’m afraid. Besides, best to get this pap walk over and done with.” Louis sighs heavily. He’ll miss the tranquility of the table in the garden, with the lowering sun casting a golden glow over everything. But they must, so he stands up and offers Eleanor a hand, which she takes.

“Shall we?” She moves to her feet and Louis sets a note on the table to pay for their drinks, plus tip.

“We shall,” she replies. They walk back through the gardens to the cafe itself, fans instantly gasping and pulling out phones to snap pictures of the couple. It’ll only get worse outside. They leave the cafe, flashes coming from all around them as they walk. Paps crowd them, shouting questions and shoving cameras in their faces. Luckily, two bodyguards are right outside, clearing the way to the car for the pair. When they reach the car, Louis pauses. For Simon to be happy, he’s really going to need to sell this.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks Eleanor quietly. Almost nervously, she nods. The kiss is quick and feels  _ wrong _ in every sense of the word, but it’ll be enough for the paparazzi, and hopefully Simon too. Then they climb into the car and the driver is taking off, leaving the flashing cameras behind. Louis feels sick to his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos are always appeciated!!!


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry has a talk with Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!!! I'm sorry I was gone so long :(  
> Hopefully some sad!Harry angst helps make up for it ;)

He knows it’s not real. He  _ knows _ Louis has to do it. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less and Harry already feels tears welling in his eyes. He hadn’t even gotten a warning. He’d been sitting in bed scrolling through Twitter, and then there it was. A picture a fan took. From just a couple minutes ago. Of Louis kissing some girl. It felt like someone had reached into his chest and ripped his heart out. Harry had clicked on the photo and then, hand shaking, gone to the hashtag below. #LOUISHASAGIRLFRIEND???? That led him down the rabbit hole. There were dozens of photos, photos of Louis smiling and holding Eleanor’s hand, photos of him guiding her through the crowd of paps, photos of them entering the cafe an hour earlier.

Harry can’t take it. Why can’t he and Louis do that? Is what they have so  _ wrong _ ? Maybe that’s why when he sees the tweet reading ‘If Louis is happy with Eleanor, then so am I. But spare a thought for Harry, he’s probably got a broken heart,’ he doesn’t even think before retweeting it. Then, with a choked sob, he throws his phone to the other side of the room. It hurts. It hurts  _ so much _ . Harry draws his knees to his chest and balls himself up as tightly as he can, fingernails digging into his calves. 

He feels like he can’t breathe. He feels sick. God, Harry had no idea he could hurt this much from just a few photos. But it feels like someone’s ripped his heart out and stomped on it. He doesn’t sob. He doesn’t scream. He can’t. All he can manage are quiet whimpers that eventually devolve into a continuous, high-pitched whine. It just  _ hurts _ and there’s nothing he can do to stop it. 

Harry doesn’t hear the door open, doesn’t realize anyone’s there until he hears Zayn shout,

“Harold what the  _ bloody hell _ did you just do?!” Zayn demands from the adjacent room. Harry just whimpers, pressing his head into his knees even harder, digging his nails into his calves hard enough to break skin. It hurts, but it lets Harry feel something  _ else _ . “Harry?” Zayn sounds angry and the thought just makes Harry’s tears fall faster with another quiet whine. Then the door to the bedroom opens.

“Har-” Zayn stops abruptly upon seeing the state of the boy. “Oh,  _ Haz _ .” Harry just shakes his head, not looking up. He feels the bed dip as Zayn sits down next to him. “We saw the photos,” he starts softly, setting a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “It’s not real, H. He has to do this, you know that.”

“Why?” Harry asks in a small, broken voice. He sniffles, looking up at Zayn with tear-filled eyes. “Why can they do that? Go out and be happy together? Hold hands? Why does she get to kiss him?” Zayn’s heart breaks for his friend. Harry’s too young for this, far too young- they all are. “I love him.”

“I know, H,” Zayn whispers as the younger boy leans into him, looking down. “He loves you too, more than anything.”

“‘M not enough,” Harry whispers, staring at his feet with his chin on his knees. “‘M not enough for him.”

“Haz, you’re everything for Lou, you know that,” Zayn murmurs, rubbing Harry's back gently. Harry just shakes his head.

“I won’t be. I- it’s going to become too much work for him, I’m not going to be worth all of it for him. Besides, did you see her? Zayn, she’s  _ gorgeous _ .”

“And Louis is  _ gay _ , H. Not to mention completely whipped for you.” But Harry’s in no mood for jokes, and Zayn’s attempts to draw a laugh out of the boy falls flat. Zayn might as well rip off the bandaid now, no sense in waiting. “Simon saw the tweet you retweeted. He wants to talk to you.” Harry’s eyes widen in panic and he looks at Zayn.

“No, no I don’t want to see him!” Harry pleads, as if Liam could stop it. “I- I can’t handle seeing him, Z.”

“‘M sorry mate, but you haven’t got much of a choice.” Harry feels like screaming, but he doesn’t. Instead he just nods, sniffles, and wipes away his tears. Louis is fighting for him, so he’ll be strong for Louis. Until it all becomes too much. Zayn squeezes his shoulder and they both move off the bed. Zayn takes Harry’s hand and they leave the room, Harry shuffling after him as he leads the way to Simon’s office. Just as Harry’s about to go in, Liam comes running around the corner and down the hall towards them.

“Harry!” Harry freezes and Zayn frowns at their friend as he stops in front of them, his eyes wide and almost frantic. 

-

Liam had walked into the living room a few minutes agoto find Niall watching a movie alone. 

“Where’s H?” Liam had asked, plopping down next to the Irish boy. They were all worried about the youngest member, what with Louis being out on the publicity stunt with that model.

“Dunno, Zayn went to go find him. Simon wanted to talk to him,” Niall explained, frowning at just saying Simon’s name. All the boys were on the outs with their mentor because of what he was doing to Louis, despite Liam being the only one to know the full story. It’s because Liam knows the whole story that, upon hearing that Simon wanted to talk to Harry, his blood ran cold.

Without another word to Niall, Liam had jumped up and ran to find Harry. There was no way in hell he was letting him in a room alone with that man. He barely made it, too. Harry’s just about to go inside when Liam rounds the corner, calling his name. He feels a brief flash of misdirected anger towards Zayn, who was apparently about to let the boy go in alone. Then he reminds himself that Zayn doesn’t know about Simon’s threats, and even still looks unhappy about the situation.

“I’m not letting you go in alone,” he tells Harry, noticing the puffiness of the boy's eyes that comes from crying. 

“Payno, I tried but Simon-” Zayn starts miserably. He  _ had _ tried to weasel his way into the meeting, but Simon was very clear it was to be just him and Harry.

“Screw Simon,” Liam interrupts, surprising the two boys. “I’m coming in with you.” Zayn must hear something in his voice, or see something in his face, because his expression hardens.

“Me too,” he says firmly. Then, without any further debate, he walks around Harry and straight into the office. Harry doesn’t think he’s ever been more grateful for his bandmates than he is at that moment, following Zayn with Liam right behind him.

“Boys…” Simon says lowly when all three of them walk in. Harry shudders at his voice. “I told you I need to speak to Harry  _ alone _ .”

“Yeah, well Haz’s in a fragile state right now and we deserve to be kept in the loop,” Liam says, nudging Harry to sit in one of the two chairs, next to Zayn. Harry does so, and smiles a little when Liam’s hands settle on his shoulders. He wishes Louis were with him, to squeeze his hand and tell him it’s all fine. 

“Liam, Zayn, I need to speak-”

“Meeting without me?” Niall interrupts Simon, walking into the office with an offended expression, being the drama queen they know and love. “I’m shocked and hurt.”

“No, Niall, I was just about to ask Zayn and Liam to leave so I can speak to Harry actually,” Simon grits out, clearly growing annoyed with the boys. Harry feels Liam’s hands tighten on his shoulders, but Zayn speaks up before he can say anything.

“Well we’re all here now and anything you want to tell Harry you can tell us too,” Zayn says, his hatred towards the man adding an edge to his words.

“Boys, we will talk later, but right now I’m going to need you to  _ leave _ ,” Simon orders, his voice cold. Harry feels like crying, but he takes a deep breath.

“Guys, it’s fine. ‘M alright,” he forces himself to chuckle lightly, act as if everything’s alright. Simon smiles at that.

“See boys? He’ll be alright for a few minutes, then you can all go watch a film or something.” Liam and Zayn are clearly frustrated, but upon seeing the fragile look in Harry’s eyes, they stop fighting. The sweet, quiet boy has always hated confrontation and arguing with Somon would just upset him further. Niall is blissfully ignorant, frowning at the scene before him. But Simon glares at the three boys and with supportive murmurs and irritated grumbles, they leave the room. Harry regrets it immediately. Simon smiles gently, kindly, at Harry. Harry feels sick to his stomach. 

“Harry…” he starts slowly, cautiously. “I know you’re hurting right now. But what you did earlier was not ok.” Harry looks at his hands, wishing Louis was there to hold them.

“‘M sorry,” he mumbles.

“Luckily, my team caught and deleted it quickly. But fans saw it and screenshotted it and now  _ rumors _ are circulating again. Rumors we don’t want,” Simon’s voice turns hard. “I’m going to let this slide, but you need to be more thoughtful with your actions in the future.” Harry digs his nails into his palm, trying to keep his anger at bay. Exploding at Simon won’t help.

“I’ll be better, I promise,” he manages. Simon nods, watching the boy carefully.

“Harry… I know this is hard. I’m sorry. But can you still be in the band with Louis? Can you handle all this?” Simon asks carefully.

“Yes,” Harry answers immediately. “I just… need a little while.”  _ To adjust to Louis being in a fake relationship you forced him into, you prick _ . Simon nods again.

“I can give you two weeks.”

“Thank you.”  _ Burn in hell _ . 

“This is why band relationships aren’t a good idea, you know,” Simon continues. 

_ I hate you _ .

“I’m sorry you had to learn this way.”

_ I’m sorry you were ever born _ .

“The next contract will have stricter rules regarding inter-band relationships.”

“The next contract?” This, Harry says out loud. He’s never signing with Simon again, not if he has any say in the matter. And if he has to, he’ll be damn sure to read the contract more carefully the next time. Simon frowns.

“Well, of course, Harry. This one is only for three years,” Simon reminds him. Harry nods, though internally he’s screaming at the idea of having to go through this for three whole years. “Can I go now?” Simon watches him carefully, a small frown on his face. Harry hates him.

“Yeah, lad, go ahead,” he sighs, leaning back in his seat and gesturing for Harry to leave. Harry practically jumps from his chair and runs out of the room in his haste to put distance from him and Simon. Harry can’t wait to get back on tour and away from the man. 

He hurries from the room, only to find all Zayn and Liam directly outside.He goes straight into Liam’s arms, hatred and devastation swirling in his chest, blending together into some unnameable emotion.Niall went to get snacks and set up a movie, he’s probably waiting for them now. They should go soon before Simon comes out, but Harry clearly needs a minute. 

“I hate him,” Harry whispers into Liam’s shirt, squeezing his eyes shut and fisting the fabric in his hands. “I hate him so much.” Liam squeezes him tightly, but in the back of his mind, a voice whispers that if Harry ever finds out the _real_ reason Louis agreed to have a beard, it would destroy him. Harry is already losing it and he doesn't even know it's all because Louis was trying to protect him. Liam swallows thickly and tightens his hold on the smaller boy. Zayn wishes there was something he could do to alleviate his friend's pain, but he can do nothing but watch as Liam hugs him. Something's very wrong- more so than he though. Liam knows something, of that much Zayn is sure. 

“I know, H,” Liam whispers. He exchanges a worried look with Zayn. Harry takes a few long breaths, and Liam figures he’s calmed down enough to leave the hall. “Let's go watch a film till Lou get’s back.” Harry nods and pulls away, out of the comfort of Liam’s arms. Zayn sets a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently, and Harry gives them what he hopes is a convincing smile. He doesn't know how long he can do this. How long _Louis_ can do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys meet Eleanor, Louis tells the others. Harry falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes i'm almost out of prepped parts!!

“Where y’ at lads?” Louis calls as he walks into the house, Eleanor trailing behind. Over the course of the half hour drive back to Simon’s house, she’d listened happily while he rambled about Harry. Louis could not be more grateful for the fact that he doesn’t have to hide around her- he can even see her becoming good friends with him and the boys. “Zaynie! Payno! Nailler!”

“Oi, quiet down we’re watching a film!” Niall’s voice yells from the living room. 

“Well get out here!” Louis shouts back.

“Piss off!”

“C’mon lads get off your arses and out here!” After several more shouts back and forth, the boys all emerge from the living room. Harry immediately feels a weight lift off his chest at the sight of his boyfriend, but it returns tenfold at the sight of Eleanor standing behind him. Louis seems unbothered though, as he strides over to Harry, setting a hand on his boyfriend’s hip and pulling him into a kiss while shoving Zayn’s arm off his boy’s shoulders. Harry smiles into the kiss before remembering Eleanor’s there. Frantically, he pushes Louis back, eyes wide.

“Lou, what are you doing?!” Harry hisses, wide eyes darting to Eleanor. Louis frowns, then notices the source of Harry’s panic. He takes the boy's hand, smiling widely.

“Hazza, ‘s alright, Eleanor’s cool. Ironically, Simon chose the perfect beard,” Louis chuckles. Harry frowns, but Louis is gesturing for Eleanor to come over. “Lads, this is Eleanor. The dreaded beard.”

“Oh shush,” Eleanor scolds, slapping Louis’ arm lightly as a flush spreads over her cheeks. She smiles at the other boys. “Hi, I’m Eleanor. I’m a huge fan,” she greets, reaching out to shake Liam’s hand. Liam stares at her, dumbfounded, but recovers quickly, taking her hand.

“Hi, I’m Liam,” he replies, flashing Louis a confused look. Zayn raises a hand in greeting, and then Niall pulls the girl into a half-hug, bag of crisps in one hand. Eleanor blinks in surprise, but then pulls back and turns to Harry, smiling softly at the wide-eyed boy.

“Hi, Harry. Louis’ told me all about you guys, and I know this is weird, but please know that you’ve got him entirely whipped. He didn’t shut up about you the entire time,” she informs him with a cheeky grin. Niall lets out a loud laugh, Liam coughs in a lame attempt to cover up his grin, and Zayn squeezes Harry’s shoulder. Louis, meanwhile, flushes at the girl’s blunt honesty.

“Nice to meet you,” Harry says, offering a hand for Eleanor to shake. She blinks, surprised at his welcomingness. But Louis just smiles because if that isn’t just the most Harry thing to do, he doesn’t know what is. Eleanor shakes his hand with a grateful smile. 

“Well I’m going to head off, it was nice to meet you all. Sorry it’s under such an awful pretense.” The boys all mutter goodbyes, and then she’s leaving, and they’re all heading back into the living room. 

“Where’s he at?” Louis asks, not wanting or needing to say the name.

“Meeting,” Liam says as they settle into their seats. It’s a similar set up to the villa they stayed at those months ago, with a couch, coffee table and armchair. The house is so large that there’s two living rooms, but this one is the boys’ to use while they’re here. They each have their own room here, however. Each suite has a small lounge area separate from the bedroom, then an attached bathroom. Mercifully, even though they stay at Simon’s mansion, they barely even see him. Not that they’re complaining. Not at all.

Louis tugs Harry into his lap, and he goes willingly. He takes note of the slight puffiness to Harry’s eyes and his heart aches. Harry must’ve seen the photos. He hopes he wasn’t alone for it. He’ll ask Zayn later. For now he’s just happy to have the curly-headed boy back in his arms.

-

Despite it still being early, Harry falls asleep after not too long, lulled unconscious by Louis’ playing with his hair and the comfort of cuddling his boyfriend. Louis watches the boy fondly as his breathing slows and evens out. Then he looks up at his friends, the end credits of the movie playing in the background.

“Nother one?” Niall asks loudly, going to the Netflix app on the tv. Louis shushes him, but Harry doesn’t stir.

“I’m up for it,” Zayn agrees, leaning into Liam’s side. Niall raises an eyebrow at Louis, who looks down at his sleeping boyfriend, chewing on his lip. Normally, Harry looks peaceful when he’s asleep, his face relaxed and childlike. Not now, though. Even sleeping, his brow is pinched and the corners of his mouth are turned down in a small, furrowed frown. It hurts Louis like a punch to the gut. He knows he’s the reason.  _ Better than the alternative _ , the reasonable part of Louis’ brain reminds him. His arms tighten around Harry and he presses a kiss into his curls before looking up at the others.

“Yeah, sure. But, uh, I need- I need to ask you guys something first,” Louis says, gaze flicking between each boy. He sees Zayn’s jaw clench, Liam’s entire posture tense, Niall’s eyes drop to the floor. It’s all the confirmation Louis needs that something happened. “What happened?”

“Nothing, Lou-”

“Bullshit, Payno. Tell me,” Louis demands, eyes hard now.

“Lou, torturing yourself isn’t doing anyone any good. You have no choice, we know that,” Niall says softly, looking uncomfortable.

“Yeah, ‘no choice’,” Zayn mutters under his breath, ton laced with anger and sarcasm. Louis can feel himself getting angry and forces himself to calm down for the sake of his sleeping boyfriend.

“The hell do you mean by that, Z?” he growls, keeping his voice low. Zayn meets his gaze, eyes alight with anger.

“You’re  _ destroying _ him, Tommo. This- seeing you having to take on a beard, being  _ friends _ with her- it’s killing him. If you really loved him, you’d have found some way out of it.” If it weren’t for Harry snuggled into his chest, Louis would be jumping on Zayn right now. Instead, he has to settle for a glare that could kill and tightening his arms around Harry to calm himself. Harry lets out an adorable, content huff at the gesture and Louis almost softens at the quiet sound.  _ Almost. _

“Zayn,” he seethes, “you have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.”

“Then fucking tell me,” the raven haired boy snaps back, keeping his voice low so as not to wake Harry. Niall and Liam watch the two of them with wide eyes.

“ _ Drop it _ , Zayn,” Louis warns. Whatever Zayn was going to say to that is cut off by Liam.

“Z, you don’t want to push this,” Liam says quietly, setting a hand on his shoulder. Niall snaps his head up at that, narrowing his eyes at Liam, then Louis.

“Wait. Liam, what do you know?” Niall demands, frowning. Liam blanches, realizing his mistake. He flashes Louis a quick, apologetic look.

“Nothing, Niall,” he lies, looking down. Zayn glares at the two of them.

“Whatever the fuck is going on, we  _ all _ deserve to know,” he snaps. Harry’s frown deepens at the harsh tone, and Louis shushes him gently, softening instantly.

“Zayn,  _ please _ ,” Louis pleads softly. He sees Zayn falter, not expecting Louis to respond that way, but then his expression hardens. 

“We deserve to know, Louis,” he says firmly. Louis sighs, closing his eyes.

“You can’t tell Harry,” he says, caving. Zayn isn’t wrong. They  _ do _ deserve to know.

“You want us to hide something from Haz?” Zayn asks incredulously. “We aren’t going to do that, Lou, whatever it is we  _ all _ should know. We can’t have secrets-”

“Zayn,” Louis cuts him off. He meets the other boy’s eyes, and an involuntary shudder runs down his spine at the burning, almost desperate look in Louis’ cerulean blues. “You  _ cannot tell Harry _ .” Swallowing hard, Zayn nods. Louis draws in a deep breath, playing with Harry’s curls to calm himself. 

“I wasn’t supposed to have the beard,” Louis starts quietly after a second of staring at Harry. Something about the younger boy never failed to put Louis at ease, and he was going to need him to get through this story. “Haz was.”

“He  _ what _ ?” Zayn growls, eyes flying to the youngest member of their group, rage burning in his chest. Harry was  _ barely 17 _ and Simon wanted to force a beard on him.

“Z, you gotta let me get through this, it’s gonna be hard enough without you butting in,” Louis says, voice tired and sad. Zayn clenches his jaw, fists balled and eyes hard, but nods. 

“Simon wanted me to sign for Harry since I’m his legal guardian. I told him there was no way in hell I was letting him force a beard on Harry, and he told me it was that or I was out of the band. I didn’t want that to happen, but  _ god _ it was better than Haz taking a beard.” Niall lets out a strangled sound at that, at the idea Louis would give this up for Harry. “Then he said he’d ruin Harry’s career and this is Harry’s dream so- so I said  _ I _ would take the beard. Simon agreed and I thought that was the end.” 

“It wasn’t, was it?” Niall asks softly when Louis takes a pause. Louis shakes his head, burying his anger and hatred deep beneath his love for Harry. He stroked the boy’s cheek lightly, reminding himself of why he was doing all this. Harry. It was all for Harry.

“No,” Louis continued, “it wasn’t. As you know, he told me I’d have to break up with Harry. I told him I didn’t care what the hell he did to me, I was already taking a beard and there was no fucking way I would leave Haz. He- he warned me there would be consequences and I told him he and his consequences could fuck off. Then he said the consequences wouldn’t be for me.”

“Oh my god,” Niall whispers, eyes wide. Zayn’s silent for a minute, his jaw clenched. Louis takes a shaky breath, rage bubbling up in his chest again.

“So I agreed, signed the contract and then you all know the rest,” Louis finishes. Everyone stares at him in shocked, horrified silence. Louis just stares at Harry, hating everything but him right now.

“You’re right,” Zayn says after a second. Louis looks up at him to see the other boy watching Harry, his face unreadable. “Harry can’t know.”

“God this is so fucked up,” Niall sighs sadly. The other boys nod, pretty much everyone looking at Harry.

“So… what happened earlier?” 

“Mate-” Liam starts, but Louis shakes his head, knowing what he was going to say.

“I need to know.” Niall and Liam turn to Zayn expectantly.

“He saw photos of you and Eleanor on Twitter. He retweeted something he shouldn’t have and SImon wanted to talk to him. He was a complete mess when I found him-” But Louis is no longer listening, pulling his phone out instantly and going to Twitter. He only has to look for a few seconds before finding a screenshot of the tweet. Tears spring to his eyes involuntarily, and through blurry eyes, he types out a new tweet, not giving it a second thought before pressing send.

“Tommo, what the  _ hell _ did you just do?”” Liam asks a moment later as the tweet pops up for all the other boys. Louis doesn’t answer. He doesn’t care. He just tightens his arms around Harry, tossing his phone aside, and mutters for Niall to play another movie, burying his face in the coconut-scented curls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Skye, Abby, and Aditi <3
> 
> Go read A Long Way From The Playground and Sky Full of Stars RIGHT NOW I MEAN IT THEY'RE AMAZING AND SO IS SHE!!!


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry...

Louis knew it was coming. He just didn’t know how bad it would be. He’d woken up to Simon banging on his door, shouting for him to come to the office. Harry had started shaking immediately, and Louis tightened his arms around the boy, nuzzling his face into the chocolatey curls that would be the death of him. Though, if that's how he went, death by Harry’s curls, he would have no complaints. Louis pressed a kiss to Harry’s shoulder and moved to sit up. Harry caught Louis’ wrists, holding his arms in place, and looked up at him, eyes wide and full of pain, begging.

“Don’t go,” he whispered. “Please,  _ please _ don’t go, Lou.”

“Hazza, I hafta,” Louis sighed. Harry turned in Louis’ arms, winding his hands around the older boy’s neck to keep him in place. Louis kept his arms firmly around Harry, his thumbs lightly tracing circles on his back. Harry bit his bottom lip, studying Louis carefully.

“Let me come with you,” Harry pleaded softly, gently stroking the hairs at the nape of Louis’ neck. But Louis was shaking his head.

“Absolutely not, Harry,” Louis said firmly. Harry felt helpless, fear clawing at his heart. He couldn’t let Louis do this. 

“Louis, we don’t have to do this. We can leave the band, leave Simon.”

“We  _ can’t _ . You know that. But Simon can make being in the band miserable for us, and I refuse to let him ruin something we both love so much.” The determination and ferocity in Louis’ words sent a shiver down Harry’s spine. 

“ _ Please _ , Lou,” Harry begged again, his voice small and scared. Louis freed his arms from around Harry, reaching up and gently pulled Harry’s hands away before sitting up. He swung his legs around off the edge of the bed as Harry knelt behind him, wrapping his arms around Louis’ stomach and pressing a kiss to his shoulder, in the same place Louis had to Harry just a mere minute ago. “He’s going to be mad.” Harry’s lips ghosted over where Louis’ neck and shoulder met.

“I know, love.”

“You shouldn’t have done that.” A kiss to Louis’ pulse point.

“Had to.”

“Please don’t go.” His jaw. Louis turned right as Harry leaned in and their lips met. The kiss was soft but insistent, Louis’ hand coming up to cup Harry’s jaw and Harry’s arms tightening around Louis’ middle. But Louis had to go see Simon before the man grew impatient and Louis and Harry got caught. They’d taken a big enough risk just spending the night together, banking on the hope that Simon wouldn’t go to any of the other boys’ rooms. 

“Harry,” Louis sighed as the younger boy’s lips moved from his own down to his neck. He let out a small strangled sound when Harry nipped his earlobe lightly. For his air of innocence, Harry was sinfully good at kissing. “Baby, I gotta go and this isn’t helping.”

“‘S not supposed to,” Harry murmured against Louis’ neck. Louis sighed and, with great effort, removed himself from the curly boy’s grasp. Harry pouted at him and Louis leaned in, smirking, to give him a quick peck before grabbing a shirt and pulling it on.

“Go to Niall’s room, I’ll just be a little bit. Then we can do something before-”

“Eleanor,” Harry cut in quietly. The pain in just that one word made Louis’ heart clench, but he just kissed Harry’s forehead and left. He walked through the house to Simon’s study, his heart hammering. He knocked on the door and Simon immediately called for him to come in. He was silent as Louis entered and sat down, just stared coldly at the fidgeting boy.

“Simon-” Louis starts now, after several minutes of tense silence.

“What the  _ bloody hell were you thinking _ ?!” Simon shouts, rising to his feet. Louis winces, jumping slightly. But then something in him hardens, his fear transforming into anger.

“I was  _ thinking _ ,” Louis yells back, jumping out of his chair, “you just made me break the heart of the love of my life and he was  _ hurting _ and there was nothing I could do about it!”

“He is  _ not _ the love of your life!” Simon roars, his face turning red and he leans over the desk. But Louis doesn’t back down, moving closer to Simon.

“Yes he fucking is!” Louis screams. “I love him and nothing you say or do or threaten will ever change that!” The next thing Louis knew, pain is exploding across his jaw, his head snapping to the side as his body follows, crashing to the ground. Tears spring to his eyes and his hand flies to his jaw. He looks at Simon in shock, eyes wide with terror. But he refuses to let Simon win, so he shakily stands.

“I love him,” Louis whispers, his voice breaking but his spirit holding strong. “And he loves me. Even after I shattered his heart and told him I loved Eleanor, he’s my best friend. Maybe we can’t be together. Maybe he can’t know why, know the truth. But he needs to know I still love him. You can delete that tweet, I’ll just make another. You  _ won _ , Simon. Harry and I are broken up, we are  _ broken _ . And now you’re saying we can’t even be friends? How do you expect us to be in a band if we hate each other? So do whatever you want to me, Simon. But I love him- I am  _ in love _ with him, and that’s something you can never take away from me.” Simon’s face contorts in anger and he stomps around the desk, grabbing Louis’ face and forcing the boy to meet his eyes. Louis winces at the pressure on his wounded jaw.

“You will  _ never _ be together,” Simon seeths. “You are with Eleanor now. You're doing so much to protect Harry, Louis. If it weren’t for such wrong reasons, it would be admirable. Don’t throw it all away by being stupid. Otherwise it’ll be Harry in here next time.” At the bold threat, Louis’ blood runs cold and he pales. Simon shoves him back and moves back to his seat. “Get out of my sight. Now.” Louis manages to hold in his tears until he’s out of the room. He manages to hold them in as he walks through the halls. He manages to hold them in as he knocks on the door. Then a confused looking Liam is opening the door and Louis can’t take it, letting out a strangled sob, but strangely no tears come.

“Louis?” Liam asks, voice concerned as he pulls the smaller teen inside. Louis is shaking, one hand on his throbbing jaw. “Louis what the hell happened?” Liam’s eyes widen at the sight of the bruise starting to form. “What the fuck?”

“S-Simon,” Louis stutters, letting Liam guide him to the couch. 

“He  _ hit _ you?!” Liam exclaims. Louis nods numbly, staring into space.

“H-he said- he said if I messed up again it would be Harry next time. I-if he found out we spent the night together- oh god if he found out I  _ told _ Harry-”

“He won’t,” Liam says firmly. “We aren’t going to let anything happen to Harry, Tommo. Or you. Or  _ any of us _ . W- we can file a lawsuit, do  _ something _ .” But Louis shakes his head. 

“No, we can’t. I looked over the contract after my first meeting with him. There is nothing we can do. We were too impulsive- too trusting- and now we’re fucked. They  _ own us _ , Liam,” Louis explains, finally looking at Liam. “I- I need you to help cover up this, I don’t want Harry to know…”

“Louis-”

“He can’t know,” Louis insists. Liam sighs. 

“Alright I’ll get you some ice. Dunno how we’re going to cover up that bruise, though. It’s going to be purple within the hour. Louis groans, burying his face in his hands. Then he realizes.

“I can ask Eleanor. Ask her to come now, bring makeup or whatever. You can tell Haz that I had to go straight from Simon’s office.”

“But-”

“ _ Please _ , Liam,” Louis begs. Liam hesitates, biting his lip. Then he meets Louis' eyes, sees the desperation there- desperation to protect Harry- and he nods, sighing.

“Call Eleanor, I’ll get you some ice,” Liam says, standing up.

“Thank you, Payno,” Louis whispers as the other boy starts to leave, staring at the ground.

“God, this is so fucked up,” Liam mutters as he leaves. Louis sighs, pulling out his phone as tears sting his eyes.

“You have no idea,” he whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, for Abby, Skye, and Aditi :)  
> they're basically the only reason I'm writing this so


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some fluff for you after that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW this isn't how things actually went but whatever it's my fic and it's sweet so
> 
> for Abby, Aditi, Skye, and all my lovely readers <3

The tattoos are Harry’s idea. _Hi_ and _Oops!_ came first, after the first time Simon told them they couldn’t share a hotel room. It was before Eleanor, before the threats, before the devastation. But they were left no options. They took away any form of expression the boys had, even at the very start. So when Louis had snuck into Harry and Zayn’s room (because apparently it was fine for _them_ to share a room) and Harry had told him the idea, it felt perfect and impulsive and _perfect_.

-

“Harry,” Louis had whispered, gently shaking his boyfriend’s shoulder, trying not to disturb Zayn, whose arms Harry was curled up in. It’s not fair, Louis thought briefly, that Zayn could hold him like that. “Hazza wake uppppp.” Harry roused slowly, blinking up at Louis blearily, eyes clouded with sleep.

“Lou?” Harry mumbled, brow pinched in confusion. Louis nodded, grinning. Harry’s eyes widened in alarm. “Louis, you’re going to get in trouble!”

“Not if we don’t get caught,” Louis replied with a wiggle of his eyebrows. Harry still frowned, so Louis resorted to a pout. “Please, Hazza, I miss you.” The truth was, Louis couldn’t sleep without Harry. It started before they even got together. Louis had grown accustomed to drifting off with his arms wrapped tightly around the boy, face pressed into silky-soft curls.

Harry had the same problem. Well, very similar at least. On the off chance that cuddling with one of the other boys allowed him to drift off, it would be a restless sleep, riddled with hours of lying awake, arms that were too lanky, bodies that didn’t fit right with Harry’s. Not the Harry didn’t love cuddling with the other boys, it was just _different_ with Louis. Perfect.

So, with a hesitant grin, Harry nodded and gently extricated himself from Zayn. Louis took his hand instantly, squeezing it lightly before using the hold to tug Harry into a kiss, the other hand reaching up to tangle his fingers in the curls at the nape of Harry’s neck. Harry welcomed the kiss eagerly, sighing gently as his hands dropped to Louis’ waist. Louis ran his tongue along Harry’s lower lip, asking for entrance, which Harry happily granted. But before they could deepen the kiss any further, a pillow whacked into the side of Harry’s head, eliciting a surprised squeak from Harry and the couple jerking apart quickly.

“Take it outside y’ pricks,” Zayn’d groaned indignantly from the bed. Harry giggled out an apology and allowed Louis to pull him out of the hotel room, still dressed in sweats and a long sleeved shirt. Louis grabbed Harry’s sneakers and jacket on the way out, giving the younger boy a mischievous grin as they scurried down the hall.

“Louis,” Harry whispered as they called the elevator, releasing his boyfriend’s hand to pull on his shoes, “where are we going?” 

“An adventure,” was all Louis would say as he pulled Harry into the lift, a twinkle in his _blueblueblue_ eyes, eyes Harry just _loved_ getting lost in whenever he could. Eyes like cerulean magnets, drawing Harry in for another kiss, Louis pressing the younger boy back into the railing along the wall. Louis only pulled away with a reluctant sigh when the doors dinged open, lifting his thumb to swipe it gently along Harry’s swollen bottom lip. The younger boy’s face was flushed from the semi-public snogging (despite the fact that it was quite literally 2 am), his eyes bright, his curls askew from sleep and Louis’ obsession with running his fingers through them.

“Lift’s too fast,” Louis frowned, before taking Harry’s hand and pulling him out and into the lobby. Louis shot a wink to the woman behind the counter, pressing a finger to his lips. She smiled gently, and averted her gaze back to the computer in front of her as the boys ran outside. It felt silly and fun and _sneaky_ and they were just two boys in love.

“Seriously, Lou,” Harry asked again as they slowed their pace to a walk, Louis’ arm over Harry’s shoulder with their hands intertwined, “where are we going?” Louis rolled his eyes with a groan.

“C’mon Curly, don’t you trust me?” he teased, shooting the boy a quick smirk. Harry just shook his head with a rueful grin. He pressed a quick kiss to the older boy’s jaw, tucking himself further into Louis’ side. Of _course_ he trusted Louis. He trusted Louis more than anyone. Because he knew Louis, and he knew Louis would never, _never_ , allow anything to happen to him. Harry turned his face to nuzzle into his boyfriend’s neck, smiling happily.

“I miss you,” Harry murmured into Louis’ skin.

“Right here, love,” Louis replied cheekily, quickly kissing Harry’s forehead. Harry shook his head.

“No, Lou, I mean I miss sleeping with you, cuddling with you,” the younger boy clarified. It broke Louis’ heart- it was so unfair. Why couldn’t they just be together? Was what they had so wrong? But he couldn’t think about that right now- he had to cheer up his Hazza. Harry, who should _never_ be sad or upset. He should be light and free and _happy_.

“Well I might have a solution to that first part…” Louis murmured, squeezing his arm around Harry and using his other hand to pinch his cheek. He loves making Harry blush, and he wasn’t disappointed by the pink flush blooming on his cheeks. Then Louis saw their destination and perked up, squeezing Harry’s hand and grinning widely. “We’re here, love.” Harry followed Louis’ gaze and felt a fluttering in his stomach.

Louis, his beautiful, amazing, hilarious Louis had really just dragged him out of bed at 1:45 in the morning to go to an ice cream parlor. “Ice cream?” Harry asked with a small giggle, smiling up at Louis.

“Saw this place earlier,” he explained. “Thought you’d like it, it’s open 24/7 and they’ve got your favorite flavor.”

“Chocolate pudding?” Louis wrinkled his nose in distaste.

“Dunno why you love it so much, but yes,” he grinned with a kiss to Harry’s nose. They walked, smiling, to the ice cream shop, Louis opening the door with a jingle. Giggling, Harry tucked into Louis’ side, they took a second longer than they should have to realize the server, a girl just a few years older than them by the look of it, behind the bar was gaping at them. Clearing his throat, Harry slipped out of Louis’ grasp, creating what seemed like a chasm of distance between them. The girl was still staring at them, eyes wide. But Louis, being Louis, simply flashed her a cheeky grin and winked, sauntering up to the counter, catching Harry’s hand and pulling him along.

“‘Ello love,” Louis greeted, squeezing Harry’s hand. Harry felt a ridiculous pang of jealousy at Louis using the pet name towards someone else. Louis noticed, because Louis _always_ noticed, and ran his thumb over Harry’s knuckles lightly.

“Uh h-hi,” the girl stammered. “Y-you- you’re Louis Tomlinson a- and you’re Harry Styles.”

“Last I checked,” Louis joked, but the girl was too shell-shocked to do anything but stare. Harry understood- he knew Louis personally and was still sometimes starstruck by the older boy. “Can we order, love?”

“O-oh yeah, yeah, of course! What, um, what can I get you?”

“Mint chip for me and chocolate pudding for Harold please. In cups,” Louis ordered, using his free hand to pull a twenty pound note from his wallet. Harry smiled to himself at Louis ordering for him, but anxiety was growing in his chest at the thought of this girl telling someone they were out together at like 2 am. The girl nodded and started getting their ice creams ready. A couple minutes later, she handed them the cups and started ringing them up. Louis slid the note across the counter with a wink. “Just keep the change, yeah?” And then Louis started to pull Harry out of the building, but Harry slipped out of his grasp, walking back to the girl quickly.

“Uh,” Harry started nervously, “would you like, mind not posting about this or anything?” The older girl gave him an understanding smile.

“No worries,” she agreed, seemingly less intimidated by Harry. “Can I get an autograph though?” That made an easy smile bloom on Harry’s lips as he nodded. The girl hurriedly grabbed a flyer for the store and Louis smiled at how excitedly Harry signed it, giving her a wide grin before practically _bouncing_ back over to Louis and _right_ that’s why they did this. Because making other people smile made Harry smile, and Harry’s smile was pretty much the best thing in the world as far as Louis was concerned. The way his eyes would light up, his dimples cratering. It was addictive, and Louis never wanted Harry to stop.

So when Harry took Louis’ hand, Louis couldn’t help but lean in and press a kiss to one of the indents as they stepped back outside. The crater deepened as Harry nuzzled into Louis. But then Harry’s smile faded away, an invisible heaviness settling over him. Louis pulled away a little, watching Harry expectantly, waiting for what came next.

“I hate that I had to do that,” Harry whispered softly, eyes downcast. “Ask her not to say anything.” Louis felt a sharp pang in his chest, hated that there was nothing he could do to make it better. Harry looked up at Louis, eyes inquisitive and vulnerable, an impenetrable sadness swimming in the emerald depths. “Why can’t we be together, Lou?” Louis sighed heavily, squeezing Harry’s hand and stopping them on the sidewalk. He let go of Harry’s hand, moving his own to the younger boy’s cheek.

“We _are_ together, Hazza,” Louis said firmly, staring into Harry’s eyes fiercely.

“Not like we want to be,” Harry countered with a small pout.

“Well… we could try,” Louis offered half-heartedly. They both knew they couldn’t, but Harry reminded him of just that with a shake of his head,

“No, we can’t. Simon doesn’t even like fans thinking we’re together. If he found out we actually _are_ …” Harry let the thought trail off, both of them knowing they wouldn’t be allowed to continue on if Simon learned the nature of their relationship. Louis leaned in to kiss Harry softly, brushing his thumb along the boy’s cheekbone.

“One day, baby,” Louis murmured against his lips. Harry moves from Louis’ lips, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth, his jaw, his neck.

“I love you,” Harry whispered as he nuzzled against Louis.

“I love you too,” Louis replied with a grin. Then Harry was pulling away, licking at his ice cream and taking Louis’ hand again.

“Thanks for this, Lou.”

“‘Course. Sorry it has to be at 2 am. I’ll take you on a proper date soon,” Louis promised, but both of them knew it was a promise he likely wouldn’t be able to keep. But for then, Harry just smiled at him, squeezing his hand. They continued to walk back to the hotel, eating their ice creams in content silence. Then Harry saw it. And he froze in place, effectively stopping Louis with a tug on his hand.

“Haz?” he asked, frowning at the younger boy. Harry had a determined, almost wild look on his face. Louis followed his line of sight and frowned. Because Harry was staring at a tattoo parlor. “Harry?”

“I want to get a tattoo.” Louis let out an incredulous laugh.

“Harry, what on earth-”

“ _I want to get a tattoo_ ,” Harry repeated, looking into Louis’ eyes. His eyes were alight, fierce. An intensity that sent a shiver down Louis’ spine swirling in the forest green. “Louis, they’ve taken everything. I- we can’t write the songs we want to write, we can’t post pictures together, we can’t _be together_. But this- this is permanent. They can’t stop us, or make us undo it. I want to get a tattoo.” And Harry sounded _sure_. He was serious, Louis realized.

“Harry, you can’t get a _tattoo_ are you crazy?” Louis demanded in disbelief.

“Louis,” Harry said, his voice almost desperate, “this is _all_ I can do.” (These words would be said again, years later, when Harry got his ‘ _Things i can_ ’ and ‘ _Things i can’t_ ’ tattoos). “You don’t have to. But I’m going to, I _want_ to, please don’t stop me.” Louis wanted to argue, wanted to tell Harry he was too young to make this decision, too young to permanently mark his body like this. But. _But_. Harry was looking at him with those wide, beautiful green eyes, desperate and hopeful and _alive_. He really wants this. And Louis never could say no to Harry.

“Alright,” he sighed, “what are we getting?” Harry blinked, clearly surprised that Louis wasn’t fighting him more about this. Then he seemed to register that Louis said ‘we’ and a small smile tugs his lips upward.

“We?” he asked, tilting his head to the side.

“We’re in this together. Always. So what’re we getting?”

“Well I had an idea but it seems rather silly…” Harry said bashfully, glancing at his feet.

“Everything about you is silly, love. Besides as long as it’s _ours_ it’ll be perfect,” Louis reassured him, leaning in for a quick kiss.

“Our first words to each other. The first time we met. Remember?”

“Do I remember?” Louis scoffed indignantly, pressing a hand to his chest in offense. “You pissed on me in the loo, of course I remember.” Harry giggled at the memory, a beautiful blush covering his cheeks. Louis squeezed his hand. “I think that’s perfect, Hazza.”

So, hand in hand, they walked into the parlor, asked for pieces of paper, Harry wrote _Oops!_ , Louis wrote _Hi_ and they got their first tattoos. They kept them covered for a while. For a while, it was enough that they knew. Then the boys knew, some members of their team. But they didn’t reveal them to the public until months later, for one of the first shows with Eleanor there. Louis suggested it, because he knew Harry needed it. Needed the reminder that it was them forever.

-

Later, after Louis played Midnight Memories for Harry for the first time, Harry would find himself tracing the tattoo on Louis’ arm as he leaned in to kiss him, whispering that it was amazing against the older boy’s lips. Midnight adventures had been a common occurrence for them, but that first one- the one where they got their first permanent symbol marking them as each other’s- that would remain Harry’s favorite. Louis’ too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment they absolutely make my day!!!  
> I'll be getting back to the real plot next chapter, but this was cute and fluffy and fun to write so  
> Also go read Sky Full of Stars and A Long Way From The Playground by pink_sunsets


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what this is but ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cause I'm a hoe for Zarry AND Zouis. Don't worry, the other friendships WILL be included, but for my evil plans I must do this first.

The boys warmed up to Eleanor (El, as they call her now) quickly. Niall, being the sweetheart he is, welcomed her instantly, almost naively. Liam was slightly more wary, but respectful and nice enough to be cordial until he realized he genuinely did like the girl. Zayn held out the longest, for Harry. Because Zayn is the one Harry goes to when he can’t go to Louis. Because Zayn _understands_. No one (except Louis and his mum) can read Harry better than Zayn. Zayn can read everyone that way, it’s just who he is. So he noticed, like Louis, when Harry wasn’t fine even if he swore he was. He stayed cold towards Eleanor for weeks as a show of solidarity, cause Harry was too much of an angel to do it himself.

Eventually, El grew on them too, though Harry retained the uneasiness he felt towards her. But Zayn, at Harry’s request, stopped being outright rude to her, settling for comforting Harry and simply being quiet and, well, broody.

Harry doesn’t know what he’d do without Zayn, if he’s being honest. Without Zayn to hold him while he cries over Louis having to miss a date because he had to be papped with El. Without Zayn to stay with when he can’t with Louis. Louis was the love of his life, but Zayn was his brother. To be fair, they were all brothers, but Zayn and Harry understood each other on another level. Zayn was the first one to understand and agree with Harry’s uncomfort with Simon. Zayn is the best, after Louis, at knowing when something was wrong. And he’s the best, again after Louis, at comforting Harry.

So that’s why it’s Zayn holding him tonight while Louis is out with Eleanor. It’s the third night this week. Harry didn’t go to Zayn. He’d already showed up in the other boy’s room crying twice. He wasn’t a goddamn baby- he should be able to pull his shit together. And he did. For a while.

They were still at Simon’s, though the man was away on a business trip so tensions were much lower in the house. Louis left in the early evening, promising to be back as soon as he could. And while he was sad, Harry held it together. If Louis could be strong for him, Harry could be strong for Louis. It wasn’t until after dinner (pizza, at Niall’s request) and part way through a movie that it fell apart. Harry’s phone buzzed beside him. A Twitter notification. Harry probably should’ve ignored it. He didn’t. #Louis was trending, along with #LouisTomlinson, #EleanorCalder, and #Elounor. There were photos of Louis at some restaurant with the pretty brunette, ones from earlier of them at a small cafe, others of them walking along the street. He was holding her hand, smiling, talking to her. Even kissing her.

It made Harry’s stomach churn, but he was pulled from his thoughts of _it should me, I should be the one holding his hand_ by Liam gently prying the phone from his hands.

“Let’s not look at that shit, yeah?” he said softly, setting the phone aside. Harry just nodded, slid on an unbothered, fake smile. (It was getting alarmingly easy for him to do that convincingly.)

“Yeah, ‘m fine. Finish the movie?” Harry suggested, proud of how steady he was able to keep his voice, of how good he was getting at hiding the pain. Liam frowned a little, but then Niall was resuming the movie and Liam shrugged, relaxing back into the couch. Harry tried to ignore the way Zayn squeezed his arm, in a way that said he _knew_. Harry just brushed it off and forced himself to smile, laughing at the right times and tucking his head behind Liam’s shoulder at the scarier parts. He acted _normal_. But all along, there was that voice. The one in the back of his mind that constantly whispered to him, _you’re not enough, you know. Louis will get tired of this. He’ll get tired of_ you _. And can you blame him?_ Harry told the voice to shut up, tried to ignore it, but it stayed a quiet, constant hissing in his head.

The movie ended, but instead of agreeing to another, Harry claimed to be tired and retired to his room for the night with a smile. Once in his room, though, he crumpled, the mask he put on shattering and falling away. He didn’t even make it to his bed. Once the door was closed, he simply sunk down against it and buried his head in his hands, knees drawn up. He tried to stay quiet- really he did- so as not to bother the other boys. The only sounds he made were long, shuddering breaths and the occasional quiet, hiccuping sob. It didn’t matter. Zayn knew anyway. It was less than five minutes until the older boy was knocking on Harry’s door, asking softly to be let in. Harry obliged, moving away from the door and taking a few moments to try and look less of a mess before he opened the door.

“Hey, Z,” he said, his voice thick with tears. “What’s up?” Zayn looked at him sadly.

“Haz… it’s ok not to be ok with all this, you know? And it’s definitely ok to come to me or the boys when you aren’t. We’re brothers, I’m always going to be here for you,” Zayn told him gently, eyes never leaving Harry’s. But Harry shook his head.

“I’m fine,” he insisted hoarsely. “I’m _fine_. Louis is the one that has to have a beard, _Louis_ is the one who should be breaking down, not me. But he’s strong, he’s alright, so I can be too.” Zayn scoffed at that, shaking his head.

“You’re both idiots, you know that? Entirely daft, the both of you.” He sighed at Harry’s befuddled expression. “Louis isn’t ok, Harry. Having to go out with her, lie about your relationship, it’s fucking with his head, mate. You both don’t want to upset the other anymore by telling them, but you’re both hurting and you need each other, Haz. So let me come in and cuddle with you ‘til Lou gets back and then maybe you can both get your heads outta your arses and bloody _talk_ already.”

“L-Louis’ upset?” Was all Harry could manage. Zayn couldn’t help the small chuckle that rose out of him. He moved into Harry’s room, slinging an arm around the younger boy and pressing a kiss to his curls.

“Whenever he can’t be with you, H,” Zayn told him with a squeeze. Harry flushed at that as Zayn flopped onto Harry’s bed, patting the spot beside him. Harry went happily, tucking himself into Zayn. He fit better with Louis, but Harry was never one to turn away cuddles. “You and Tommo are going to be fine, Haz. You’ll make it through this. You’ve got me and the boys. And you’ve got _each other_.” Harry could just nod and hope he was right.

-

If it were anyone else, Louis would be jealous upon walking in on Harry curled into Zayn’s side, soundly asleep as the Bradford boy scrolls through his phone, one hand running through Harry’s curls absentmindedly. But instead, Louis just feels guilty and sad. Zayn looks up as Louis walks in, expression unreadable. Louis walks over to the bed, sitting on Harry’s other side and gently swiping an eyelash off the boy’s cheek.

“He alright?”

“He’ll be better now that you’re here,” Zayn answers. Louis sighs.

“How bad tonight?” Louis knows that Harry gets upset when he leaves with Eleanor, and he _hates_ that there’s nothing he can do about it. _It’s all for Harry_ , Louis reminds himself. _For Harry_. But that doesn’t make it any easier to seem him upset. Zayn shrugs.

“Not bad, actually. I noticed pretty fast, made it in before he got too far gone. Told him you guys need to get your shit together and talk.”

“You _what_?” Louis demands, keeping his voice quiet. Zayn sighs, arching an eyebrow.

“You’re both hurting, Lou. Only way you make it through this is together. He feels like he can’t be upset cause you aren’t and you have it worse. Told him you’re upset by it all too. Y’gotta talk to him, mate. He’s gotta be able to talk to you. ‘Course me and the others are here for you both but that’s more brotherly love. We can't give you what you can give each other.” Louis opens his mouth to reply, but before he can, Zayn is shaking Harry awake with a whispered, “Lou’s here.”

“Louis?” Harry asks groggily, blinking owlishly before his gaze settles on Louis. Then he breaks into a wide smile, leaning up to kiss him as Zayn removes himself from the bed.

“And that’s my cue to leave,” Zayn chuckles, his laugh growing as Louis flips him off, moving on top of Harry. He pauses at the door and looks at the two. “Talk, guys. You need it.” And then he's gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please PLEASE let me know what you thought!!!!!  
> For Skye, Aditi, and my beautiful Abbs. <3  
> As always, read A Long Way From The Playground and Sky Full of Stars


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk... kind of

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aditi now owns this story

Then Zayn’s gone. But his words do the trick as the pair break apart and Harry chews on his lower lip, searching the older boy’s eyes.

“Is this really hard for you too?” Harry asks softly. Louis smirks.

“See for yourself,” he replies cheekily. Harry rolls his eyes, but Louis doesn’t miss the way his cheeks turn a shade pinker.

“‘M serious, you prick,” he says, pushing lightly at Louis’ chest. He looks up into his eyes again. _Blueblueblue_ eyes. Such pretty eyes. God, everything about Louis is pretty, Harry thinks. Louis sighs and leans back, making room for Harry to sit up, too.

“Of course it is, Hazza. Not being able to be with you, having to pretend I’m with El… it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do,” Louis admits, stroking his thumb along Harry’s knuckles to soothe himself as well as the other boy, who’s watching him with a wide doe-eyed look.

“Then why are we doing it?” he asked in a small voice, not trusting his voice not to crack. Louis takes a deep breath and looks down at their intertwined hands.

“Because, Harry,” he starts, meeting the younger boy’s eyes, “this is what you love- what _we_ love. And I positively refuse to let Simon and his bloody homophobia stop us from doing it.” What Louis _doesn’t_ tell Harry is how scared he was of what Simon would do to Harry if they tried to leave or defy him.

“But is _this-_ ” Harry gestures vaguely with his free hand- “all really worth it, Louis? I just- I want- I don’t want- I don’t want to be the reason you’re not happy, Lou.” Louis’ heart breaks even further at the fear in Harry’s eyes. He really thinks that Louis could stop loving him over this. As if there is _anything_ that could do that.

“Love, none of this is your fault at all. If anyone’s, it’s mine. I was impulsive and stupid and excited, and I signed away our freedom without a thought. And that’s something I doubt I’ll ever forgive myself for-”

“Louis-”

“ _No_ , Harry. I’m 18, nearly 19. I’m your _legal guardian_. I messed up, badly, and I’m so sorry. But it _is_ worth it. _You_ are worth it, Hazza. Because I love this, I love performing with you and the boys, I love _watching you perform_. And we only have two more years until we can leave Simon. And we are going to be fine. You know how I know?” Harry has tears brimming his eyes now, but he bites his lower lip and shakes his head, ever so slightly. Louis smiles softly and takes the younger boy’s face in his hands, looking deep into watery emerald eyes. “Because I have you and you have me, Harry. _Always_. And this- what we have- it’s worth fighting for.”

“I love you,” Harry tells him. Louis' smile widens.

“I love you too.”

And then he’s leaning in and pressing his lips to Harry’s, doing his damndest to kiss away the tears and heartbreak. Harry kisses him back just as desperately, both of them trying to drown their thoughts, to take the other’s pain away. Louis’ hands move to Harry’s hips, tugging the boy onto his lap as Harry’s hands come to his neck, his thumbs brushing back and forth along Louis’ neck.

Louis lets Harry feel in control for a couple minutes before taking over. He moves his hands to the back of Harry’s thighs before flipping them so Harry’s on his back, Louis hovering over him. Harry lets out a surprised squeak at the sudden change, but giggles as Louis presses a kiss to his jaw, right under his ear. Harry sighs as Louis works his way down his neck, nipping and sucking here and there.

The “ _I love you,_ ” murmured into the hollow of his throat sends a shiver down Harry’s spine. “ _So much_ ,” ghosted over his collarbone. But Harry quickly gets frustrated and uses the small bit of leverage he has to roll them over, eyes glinting as he grins down at Louis before attaching his lips to the older boy’s pulse point, feeling his heartbeat under his mouth.

Louis tries to push all thoughts of Simon and Eleanor and everything he and Harry can’t do or be from his mind, but the small voice in the back of his head remains, reminding him of all the things he could never tell Harry about, all the reasons they couldn’t truly be together. And how much trouble they’ll be in if someone catches them.

So, with great reluctance, he pushes Harry off him gently. The sad look in his eyes tells Louis that the boy already knows what he’s going to say. But he has to anyway.

“I can’t stay, love,” Louis whispers, his voice hoarse. Harry chews on his lower lip, nodding sadly.

“Lie with me until I fall asleep?” he pleads hopefully. Louis nods, knowing Harry likely won’t be able to fall asleep otherwise. Louis’ll ask Zayn to come back in after he leaves, to make sure Harry sleeps through the night, he thinks as Harry lies on his side, Louis fitting perfectly along his back. He drapes one arm around the younger boy’s waist, Harry clinging to it, and brings his other hand up to play with the chocolate curls. Zayn won’t mind, he knows. He’s probably already planning on it, waiting for Louis to come get it. Louis still feels bad, but _thank god_ for Zayn and the other boys.

“Sleep, Hazza,” Louis whispers as he nuzzles into Harry’s neck, pressing a small kiss to his skin. It doesn’t take long for Harry to do just that, his breathing slowing and evening out as he drifts off. Louis lies there for nearly an hour before carefully extricating himself, pressing a kiss to Harry’s temple and quietly leaving the room. He goes straight to his room, where he knows Zayn will be waiting.

“Hey Tommo. Haz out?” Zayn asks as Louis walks in. Louis nods, rubbing the palm of his hand across his face with a sigh. “Want me to go keep him company?”

“If you don’t mind,” Louis says, grateful that the raven-haired boy didn’t make him ask. “He just- he’ll have trouble sleeping through the night otherwise, y’know?” Zayn’s already standing up and walking to Louis with a sad smile.

“Yeah, I know.” He sets a hand on Louis’ shoulder and squeezes gently. “You gonna be alright, mate?” Louis lets out another heavy sigh and nods.

“Yeah, yeah I’ll be fine,” he says. “Especially knowing you’re with him and he’s fine… it’ll reassure me. Thank you, Z.”

“Of course. You guys are my brothers, Lou. I’m here for you. So are Liam and Niall. Whatever you guys need,” Zayn tells him sincerely. Louis offers him a tired smile and nods.

“I know. Dunno what the hell we’d do without you all,” he admits. Zayn squeezes his shoulder again.

“It’ll get easier,” he reassures the exhausted boy before leaving him alone with his thoughts once more.

“I hope so,” Louis whispers to the air, eyes closing as he sits on his bed. He doesn’t even bother changing out of his clothes, turning onto his side and pulling a pillow into his arms in place of Harry. Despite his exhaustion, it takes him a long time to fall asleep, his mind jumping between worrying about Harry and fretting about Simon and dreading his next outing with Eleanor. But eventually he does, the pillow underneath him damp withthe tears he refused to shed in front of Harry.

_It’ll get easier_. Zayn’s words echo through his mind as he drifts off. He wants to believe them, he truly does, but something in him tells him it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better. He doesn’t know just how very right he is.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hah historical accuracy and followable timelines? What are those?

Touring is easier. They don’t have to deal with Simon, for one. For two, it’s much easier to sneak into each other’s hotel rooms or get one of the boys to trade on occasion. The bus is the best, when they can slip into Harry’s bunk together, leaving Louis’ for Eleanor. Because right. That’s the other thing. Eleanor is with them. Luckily, she seems perfectly content to give Louis and Harry their space. But she’s  _ there _ . On the bus, at the hotels, at the shows, backstage. Harry tries not to let it bother him. But after the first show with her, which Harry barely made it through, he had promptly collapsed into tears in Louis arms backstage.

“It’s alright, love,” Louis had shushed him, rubbing the boy’s back. “It’s ok, you’re ok.”

“I- I’m sorry,” Harry hiccuped, burying his face further into Louis’ chest, his fists clenching his shirt. Louis’ heart broke a little. Ok, a lot. 

“I love  _ you _ ,” Louis reassured him, pressing a kiss to his head. “She’s my beard, Harry, nothing more. Our relationship is a contract, a piece of paper.  _ You _ are the love of my life, nothing’s going to change that. Ever.” Harry nodded and sniffled, and Louis tightened his arms around his boyfriend and simply let him cry until he was done, silently cursing Simon with every swear word in his rather extensive vocabulary. 

Now, just minutes before the next night’s show, Louis watches as Harry chews on his lower lip, lightly tracing his fingers over where his  _ Hi _ tattoo is, hidden under layers of makeup Louise helped them apply before every show. That’s when Louis knows. Knows what he can do. What  _ they  _ can do. He marches over to Harry, grabbing his hand and looking straight into his eyes. Well that’s not entirely accurate. There’s never anything  _ straight _ about the way Louis looks at Harry.

“Louis what are you-” Louis silences him with a firm kiss. 

“Do you trust me?” he asks seriously, staring into Harry’s wide, confused eyes. Instantly, the boy nods and Louis grins. “C’mon then.” And with that, he tugs Harry into the bathroom. He grabs a pair of alcohol wipes from under the sink after a moment of rifling around. He turns back to a very confused Harry, a determined look in his eyes. Before Harry can ask any question, Louis is kissing him again, ripping open one of the alcohol wipes. He pulls away, meets Harry’s gaze, and smirks before using the wipe to smudge off the concealer covering Harry’s tattoo. Harry’s eyes widen and he swats Louis away.

“Lou, what’re you doing?” Harry demands, frowning. “We have like, five minutes before we go onstage!” 

“Exactly,” Louis says, before wiping away the makeup on his arm. He grins at Harry. “Not enough time for anyone to stop us.”

“Louis…”

“I don’t want to hide, Harry. I want people to know that I’m yours and you’re  _ mine _ . And maybe we can’t tell them, but  _ this _ .  _ This _ is something we  _ can  _ do.” And the certainty in Louis’ voice is all it takes for Harry to nod and let Louis wipe off the remaining makeup. Before they leave the bathroom, Louis pulls Harry in for another kiss, grinning against his lips. This feels  _ good _ . This feels  _ right _ . Louis and Harry run to their places just minutes before their cue, grinning widely. Liam notices first, eyes widening as he starts toward Louis. But there’s no time, the show is starting and Harry is raising his arm to wave to the crowd, effectively showing off the tattoo. Louis’ grin grows and he copies the gesture, wild screams piercing through the air. And yeah, Louis thinks as he sees the enormous smile on Harry’s face, whatever the consequence, this is worth it. (It’s not).

-

Two hours after the concert ended, Louis and Harry are snuggled up together in Harry’s bunk, Harry lying back against Louis’ chest with Louis’ fingers in his boyfriend’s chocolate ringlets as always. Harry’s phone is opened to twitter in his hands. #LARRY is trending. So is #Hi, #Oops, and both of their names. The couple scroll through tweets, pointing and grinning at the sweet ones. Louis’ hand tenses in Harry’s hair at the  _ other _ ones. The ones that mock them, judge them. Both boys try and hide the hurt, Harry quickly scrolling to the next one. They stay like that for a while, content and the exhilaration from their stunt still lingering.

Then Harry gets a call. Simon’s name flashes across the screen and they freeze, Louis’ body tensing under Harry. Harry takes a deep breath and bites down on his lip, dreading talking to the man. Louis drops his head so his mouth is right next to Harry’s ear, lips ghosting lightly on his cheek, arms wrapping around his waist.

“You don’t have to answer. We can ignore him, Harry,” Louis says, though he knows they really can’t. And Harry knows too. 

“Not for long. Best to just get it over with,” he whispers. As much as Louis wants to argue, he doesn’t. So Harry shakes his head, takes a deep breath, and answers the call with a shaking thumb. “Hi Simon.”

“Harry. Is Louis there?” Simon asks immediately, his tone indecipherable. Louis answers before Harry can.

“Yeah Simon, we’re all here. Watching a film at the moment, is this important?” Harry briefly thanks god for Louis and the ease with which he lies. 

“No, but I do need to speak to Harry alone for a moment. It’ll be quick, I promise.” Harry chews on his lip nervously as Louis’ hands tighten around him. 

“Yeah, alright,” Harry sighs. Better to just do it and be done with it. And so, despite Louis’ quiet protests of  _ “Please don’t, _ ” and  _ “no, wait, Harry stay,”  _ and the way his eyes plead with Harry to stay, he pulls himself from the older boy’s arms and walks to the lounge area of the bus, sliding the door shut. “Ok, I’m alone.”

“Are you really, Harry?” Simon sounds skeptical and Harry rolls his eyes. 

“Yes Simon. The boys are waiting for me, what’s up?” Harry tries to keep his voice light and curious, unbothered. He’s not sure how well it works.

“I need to speak to you in person. I’ll be in Toronto in two days for a business meeting, I’ll see you then,” Simon says, leaving no room for any argument. So Harry just swallows thickly and nods.

“O-okay,” he agrees, like he has any choice in the first place. 

“And Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s keep this between just you and me, yeah?” Simon’s voice is sickly sweet and Harry’s stomach twists.

“Alright,” he whispers, fear clawing through him.

“Good lad. Enjoy the movie.” And then Simon is hanging up, leaving Harry alone to his thoughts. He stands there just a moment longer before taking a shaky breath and going back to Louis, who’s waiting anxiously, tension written in every line of his body. He relaxes, slightly, as Harry goes immediately into his arms, cheek pressed to Louis’ chest as his arms wrap tightly around him.

“What’d he want?” Louis murmurs into Harry’s curls. Harry shrugs, shifting so his back is pressed into Louis, his head tucked under the older boy’s chin. Louis nudges him gently. “C’mon, Haz, what did Simon say?” 

“ _ Um _ .” Harry should tell him. He  _ knows _ he should tell him. But instead, what comes out is, “He just wanted to make sure I’m ok being with you so much. Y’know. After our ‘break-up’ and everything.” He can’t do it- he doesn’t want Louis to worry, doesn’t want to upset him. Louis has to deal with so much already. This, Harry can handle on his own. He can tell Louis doesn’t entirely believe him, but he thankfully doesn’t push it. Instead, he cuddles Harry tighter as he opens back up Twitter and they resume scrolling through the tags. The tension hanging above them doesn’t leave, though. Nor does the knot twisting in Harry's gut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos make my day :) I absolutely LOVE hearing from you guys, please leave a comment if you would!!!


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really REALLY sorry
> 
> for skye and aditi :)

Harry’s a nervous ball of energy the entire next day, distracted and jumpy. He got a text from Simon saying he’d see him at 6:30 am the next day, before their interviews and prep. Louis notices, of course. As do the rest of the boys. It’s hard to miss. They try and confront him a few times, but he simply brushes them off, claiming to have not slept well. They don’t push him.

Mercifully, or maybe not, it’s a busy day. They have a radio interview in the morning, and then vocal warmups, soundchecks, and rehearsal in the few hours leading up to the concert. Eleanor, claiming to have nothing better to do, tags along with them, sitting quietly on her phone. At one point during rehearsal, she disappears only to return with coffees and tea for everyone. She’s done this a few times before, and knows their orders by now. Harry doesn’t mind her presence, and smiles at her when she hands him his matcha latte. (“ _ Hipster _ ,” Louis mutters fondly).

But now they’re mere minutes before the show, tattoos uncovered once again because, well, the damage has already been done, and Harry feels like he’s going to throw up. Just as he’s about to bolt- run to the bathroom, maybe even further, just get  _ away _ \- Louis shows up at his side and intertwines their hands. Harry offers a shaky smile and Louis glances around quickly before kissing Harry gently. 

It’s more complicated now that Simon thinks they’re broken up. Obviously the other boys know. But besides them, only the band members, Paul, Eleanor, and Lou know. So, again, they have to be sneaky. And while it’s annoying at times, it’s also silly and  _ fun _ . Paul, who’s standing a bit off to the side, raises an eyebrow at the pair and taps his watch as a reminder. Louis just smirks at him and kisses Harry again before squeezing his hand and taking his place. 

Then they’re walking on stage, the fans are screaming, the lights are blinding and  _ yeah _ this is what Harry just loves. So he breaks into a wide grin, shoves all thoughts of Simon from his mind and waves to the crowd. 

“HELLOOOOOO TORONTO!” he calls through the mic. The crowd roars and Harry glances at Louis, who’s absolutely beaming at him. “And how are we all doing tonight?” The crowd just screams in response. “That good, really?” The responding shrieks make his smile widen, and for the first time since last night he’s truly not thinking about Simon or the meeting.

He plays with the crowd, sings until his voice hurts, and dances and jumps around the stage until his muscles are screaming and he’s panting. It’s  _ amazing _ . It’s the best feeling in the world, Harry thinks. Aside from how he feels when he’s with Louis. Watching Louis perform has to be one of Harry’s absolute favorite things ever. The way his eyes light up, how he rests his hand on his chest when he belts out his solos, the angelic sound of his voice. 

Harry still can’t believe there are people that consider Louis the weak link of the band. Louis is  _ incredible _ . His voice, his presence, his  _ everything _ . If anything, Harry is the expendable one. Not that the band would be right with any of them gone. It’s perfect the way it is- the five of them meshing together, working as one. But they’d be alright without Harry, he thinks. He doesn’t have the magnetism of Louis, the cheeky adorableness of Niall, the talent of Zayn, or the leadership of Liam. He’s just  _ there _ . It’s something he thinks about a lot. Much more than he’d like to. But he knows it has no substance- the band works because it’s all of them together.

He doesn’t think about this while he’s performing, though. That’s one of the best parts- he doesn’t think about  _ anything _ . Nothing but what the next song lyric is, who’s solo is coming up, who he can goof off with. His mind is blissfully empty, high on adrenaline and euphoric. He absolutely  _ loves it _ .

It’s a good night. It really is. It’s not until the morning after that everything starts crashing down. 

-

Harry’s phone buzzes under his ribs early the next morning, reminding him of his impending meeting with Simon. He quickly shuts off the alarm, partially awake already after a mostly sleepless night. He carefully pulls himself from Louis’ arms, replacing his body with a pillow and whispering he’s going to the bathroom just in case. Louis doesn’t react, just tightes his arms around the pillow. _God, h_ _ e’s beautiful _ , Harry thinks, pressing a quick kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead before grabbing a shirt and walking out of the bunks. 

Paul is already sitting at the small table in the kitchenette, cup of coffee in hand. He gives Harry a tight, sympathetic smile before standing and gesturing for Harry to lead the way. This is his last chance. He could turn and run right back to Louis, crawl into his arms and let himself be protected. But no, he really can’t. This is his burden, this time. So, with a deep breath, he opens the tour bus door.

“Harry?” Harry jumps, spinning at Niall’s sleepy voice. “Haz, where ya goin? ‘S like 6 am.”

“6:07,” Paul corrects. Harry gives him a look.  _ Not helpful _ .

“Uh.” Louis’ a lot better at thinking on his feet. “I’m going to get breakfast. Y’know life coffees and pastries and stuff. Was gonna surprise you and the boys.” Yeah. That should work. 

It does, to an extent, the suspicious look leaving Niall’s face. But then, “Neat, I’ll come with.”

“No, no,” Harry says hurriedly. Too hurriedly, but who cares? He can’t let Niall come. “Just um, stay here and keep the boys distracted for me. Like make up an excuse for me or something. Please?” Niall looks hesitant, but seemingly is too tired to argue because he just rubs his eyes and nods, turning and walking back to the bunks. 

“Bring me a cinnamon roll,” he calls over his shoulder. Harry lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and leaves the bus, Paul close behind. They’re silent until they get into the car. Then, after a few minutes of driving in silence, Paul looks at him.

“You lied to Niall.”

“Not if we stop and get breakfast on the way back,” Harry mumbles, looking at his hands. 

“Harry, you can’t hide things from them. They’re your mates, they love you,” Paul reminds him gently.

“They’d just freak out,” he defends. “I can handle this, I don’t need to be babied and protected all the time.” 

“They just care about you. Louis-”

“And I care about them!” Harry snaps, finally looking up at Paul. “I care about  _ Louis _ . He’s taking so much on for us- for  _ me _ . It’s my turn. Besides it’s just a meeting. I’m not gonna sign anything without Louis there or anything.” Paul doesn’t say anything, just levels Harry with a look that has him sinking lower in his seat and directing his gaze out the window.

They don’t speak for the rest of the drive, ‘til they’re pulling up at the Toronto offices. They hand the car off to a valet and enter the building, Paul showing his security badge and of course everyone already knows Harry. They arrive at Simon’s office much too fast in Harry’s opinion, and he takes a deep breath as he stares at the door. Paul’s hand lands on his shoulder and Harry looks up at him, eyes wide. 

“Let me know if that old prick gives you trouble, yeah?” He sounds serious and like he  _ cares _ , and that’s all the reassurance Harry needs to enter the office. Simon is pacing back and forth in front of the desk, not seated at his chair like usual. When Harry walks in, he’s met with an ice-cold glare and a face contorted in rage. He cowers instantly, shrinking in on himself in an effort to make himself smaller. 

It doesn’t work. 

Simon steps forward, rage written in every line of his body. “What the  _ hell _ was that stunt you pulled?”

“I- I-”

“You got  _ tattoos? _ What  _ broken up _ couple gets tattoos?” Simon demands, stepping closer. Harry steps back, trying to put distance between him and the older man. “Unless you aren’t really broken up, in which case we have a  _ much bigger problem _ .” 

“N-no w-we- we got them b- before. Before we broke up. B-back on our first tour, i-in Oxford,” Harry stammers. He bumps into the wall, Simon still walking toward him. 

“Then why the bloody hell haven’t I seen them till now?”

“W-we covered them up.” The older man suddenly grabs Harry by the shirt, slamming him roughly back into the wall, his head hitting it with a sickening crack. Harry lets out an involuntary cry, eyes squeezing shut.

“Then  _ why did you stop _ ?” Simon roars, his face crowding in on Harry’s now. Harry flinches. Thank god he planned out what he was going to say ahead of time, because he feels woozy and flustered and  _ scared _ now, and there’s no way he’d be able to make something up fast enough.

“B-because,” he manages to get out, tears stinging his eyes, “because there’s nothing to hide! W-we aren’t together, s-so there’s nothing to hide. The- the makeup was annoying so w-we decided to just not do it. We didn’t- we aren’t together so we didn’t think anything of it.”

Simon seems to buy it, the rage in his eyes dimming slightly. He doesn’t say anything, just uses his hold on Harry’s shirt to throw the boy to the ground, looking at him with unadulterated disgust. Harry doesn’t know if it’s better than the rage, but it’s certainly less terrifying. It still sends shudders through his body, though. 

“Get out of my sight. And in the future, keep any and all remnants of your  _ relationship _ ,” Simon spits the word out like it’s venomous, evil, disgusting.  _ Maybe it is _ , the voice in the back of Harry’s mind says, “to yourself. We have enough of these rumors to deal with without you and your faggy ways, Harry. Otherwise maybe I’ll be having this talk with Louis.” Harry’s heart stops at the idea of Louis in here, with Simon. With Simon’s anger. With his fists. Harry  _ will not let that happen _ . “Now go.” 

Harry doesn’t need to be told twice, scrambling to his feet and stumbling out of the office, tears finally pouring over and tracing down his cheeks. He tears past Paul, going straight for the exit with the man yelling after him. He doesn’t stop until he’s outside, around the side of the building. He drops to his knees and buries his face in his hands, heavy sobs wracking his body as he struggles to draw in breaths.

Then Paul is there, kneeling next to him, rubbing his back and pulling out his inhaler. Harry can barely even appreciate how amazing Paul is, carrying the medicine even though Harry's attacks are extremely rare. He sucks in greedily, desperate for air.  _ I’m having a panic attack _ , he realizes faintly.

But all he’s capable of saying as Paul tries to soothe him is one thing, a desperate plea repeated, gasping, over and over- “ _ Don’t tell Louis, not Louis, please don’t tell Louis _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment and make my day!!


	15. Chapter Fifteen

It takes 15 minutes of Paul talking to him and rubbing his back for Harry to calm down enough to stand up. He doesn’t say anything, just keeps his head bowed as Paul guides him to the car with a firm hand on his shoulder. The first thing he says is when they stop at a little bakery and Paul goes to get them breakfast. 

“Louis’ll want a lemon-blueberry scone,” he mumbles, so quiet he’s not even sure Paul heard him at all. Paul comes back several minutes later with a paper bag full of pastries and a tray of coffee, passing Harry his green tea. Harry takes a long sip and leans back against his seat before giving a sharp yelp and flinching forward, one hand flying to the back of his head. 

“We should really get you to a doctor, Harry,” Paul says, face pinched in concern. Harry just shakes his head, setting his drink in the cup holder.

“‘S just a bump,” he replies, voice small and quiet. Paul studies him before sighing and putting the car into drive, pulling back onto the road.

“We need to tell someone, then. Go to the police.”

“No!” Harry’s eyes are wide and frantic, one hand gripping the console so hard his knuckles are white. “No, it’s fine. It’s fine. Please, Paul, don't tell anyone. It’ll just make everything worse, please.”

“You know that Louis-”

“Not even Louis.  _ Especially _ not Louis. Louis- god Louis would be  _ so mad _ . I- he  _ cannot  _ know.” Paul glances at Harry as they stop at a traffic light, a frown pulling at the corners of his mouth. 

“Not at  _ you _ , Harry. Not sure Louis is capable of being mad at you,” he adds, fingers tapping along the steering wheel.

“Well then that’s worse. Cause if he wouldn’t be mad at me, then he would be mad at himself,” Harry whispers, hands twisting in his lap. “He would blame himself, when in all reality he’s done  _ nothing _ but be amazing. The tattoos were my idea. He knew it wasn’t smart, but I  _ begged _ him so he did it for me. He does everything  _ for me _ .”

“Harry, he deserves to know,” Paul insists. “Simon  _ hit _ you.”

“He- he didn’t,” Harry insists, shaking his head. “He just- he got mad. He pushed me into the wall. I made him angry- I should have known better.” Simon’s threat rings in his ears.

_ Otherwise maybe I’ll be having this talk with Louis. _

“Harry, it was a physical assault. That’s what Simon did. He  _ assaulted _ you. Even if you weren’t a minor he employed, it’s still illegal. I should be taking you to report it right now,” he snaps, making the boy jump slightly. Paul softens his voice, “This isn’t ok. It isn’t  _ right _ .”

“It is what it is,” Harry murmurs. Because what else can he say, really?

“It doesn’t have to be.” But Harry nods his head, still staring at his lap.

“It does. We’re not giving up ‘cause Simon just got mad at me. He’s done-  _ is doing _ \- so much worse to Louis. I got a hit to the head, Pauly. Louis is having a beard forced on him. He’s doing all this so he can stay in the band- so we both can. Telling Louis or  _ anyone _ won’t do any good. If I get Simon in trouble, he’ll ruin all our careers.”

“But-”

“ _ Please _ , Paul. Just let it go. I’m fine, it’s just a bump,” Harry begs, eyes wide and pleading. Paul sighs, clearly unhappy. 

“You come straight to me if anything happens again, got it?” Harry sighs in relief, his body slumping back into the seat. He doesn’t say anything, just closing his eyes and nodding weakly. Paul uses a free hand to squeeze his shoulder. “I mean it, Harry.” Harry just nods again, resting his forehead on the window.

_ Otherwise maybe I’ll be having this talk with Louis. _

Despite the warm air coming from the heater, Harry shudders.

Paul’s heart tugs at the pain evident on his young face, written in the pinch of his eyebrows and turned-down corners of his mouth. He hates this- hates seeing this boy, so young and talented, hurt and beaten down. Suppressed. But Paul will respect Harry’s wishes, keep an eye on him and make sure he- and all the boys- know that he’ll be there whenever they need him. For now, that’s all he can do.

Harry knows Paul disapproves of his choice. It bothers him more than he’d like to admit. All of the boys have come to see Paul as a kind of fatherly figure, and disappointing him hurts almost more than the sharp pain in his skull. But Harry knows he’s making the right choice. If Louis can be strong, so can he. So  _ will _ he. There’s a part of him that points out that Louis definitely would  _ not _ agree with Harry’s decision, but Harry ignores it, closing his eyes and willing his mind to go blank. 

They drive the rest of the way in silence, the only sound is Harry’s quiet humming of some tune Paul doesn’t think he’s heard before. His fingers tap out a rhythm on his thigh and Paul can’t help but gently smile at the sight. He knows the boys have all tried their hand at songwriting. Liam, Louis, and Zayn have all made proposals. Zayn’s were shot down almost immediately, leaving all the boys furious and Harry too shaken to suggest his at all. Louis and Liam managed to get a couple of theirs approved for the next album.

Harry couldn’t  _ believe _ how ridiculously proud he was of Louis. Louis tried to convince Harry to offer his, but Harry refused, claiming that if Zayn’s couldn’t get through, his never would. Still, they celebrated Louis and Liam’s success.

Paul was delighted for the boys, of course. He loved them all like his own children, quickly having gained a fatherly affection that makes it so incredibly hard to watch them be stifled and controlled. His hands grip the steering wheel now, listening to Harry murmur a beautiful tune he’ll be too scared to propose. 

Harry takes a deep breath as they pull back up to the bus, readying himself. He runs over the story in his head.  _ We went to get coffee and pastries.  _ And if asked about his head,  _ I hit my head on the bunk getting out of bed this morning _ . They’ll buy it. At least, he hopes they will. Especially Louis. He lets out a shaky exhale as they climb out of the car. 

_ Otherwise maybe I’ll be having this talk with Louis. _

Harry will never let that happen. He forces a smile onto his face.

“Haz!” Niall greets brightly as they walk inside, eating a bowl of cereal. Louis instantly perks up, face brightening at the sight of Harry. 

“Hey guys,” Harry grins, holding up the bag of sweets and shaking it enticingly. “Brought breakfast!” He raises an eyebrow at Niall, whose eyes widen as he sets down the bowl of cereal. “Though looks like Niall already ate. Who wants his cinnamon roll?” Niall’s face turns stormy as he jumps at Harry, snatching the bag away.

“Not funny, ya twat!” he snaps, settling back into his seat as he rifles through the bag before holding up the pastry victoriously, his eyes bright. Harry giggles and Louis reaches for him, indicating for Harry to come sit in his lap. And really, who’s Harry to turn  _ that _ down? Paul passes around the drinks and Louis grabs the remaining sweets from Niall, grin widening as he pulls out his lemon blueberry scone. 

“Thank you, love,” he whispers, just for Harry, before pulling out the croissant Paul must’ve gotten for Harry. He then hands the bag over to Liam and Zayn. Harry’s sitting half on Louis’ lap, one of Louis’ arms wrapped around his waist, hand settled on his hip. 

“Can’t believe you snuck out without saying goodbye, cheeky little shit,” Louis teases, lightly pinching Harry’s hip. Harry forces a proud grin on his face, despite feeling sick to his stomach at how easily he’s lying to them. To Louis.

“Wanted to surprise you,” he replies, feeling a blush on his cheeks. 

“Well I say you do it a lot more,” Niall mumbles around a mouthful of cinnamon roll. Harry laughs quietly, ignoring Paul’s eyes burning into him.

“Everyone ready for the interview later?” Liam asks, level-headed as always.

“This is why they call him Daddy Direction,” Louis whispers. Harry lets out a honking laugh, the one reserved for Louis and Louis only, an embarrassed flush instantly tinging his cheeks a bright red. Liam glares.

“I heard that,” he pouts. Louis just winks.

“Good,” Louis replies cheekily, smirking. “And yes, Li, we’re ready for the interview. We’ve done this enough to know what to do.” Liam rolls his eyes. For once, though, Louis is wrong. Harry isn’t ready. Not in the slightest. He just wants to go to sleep, to cuddle up with Louis and forget about Simon. About all they can’t be. He just wants to be reminded of what they  _ are _ . But, unfortunately, today is another busy day. Interview, rehearsal, concert. Hardly a moment to themselves, and what they did have Simon took away.

“Haz? Y’alright mate?” Niall is asking with a frown. Harry blinks, shoving the thoughts from his mind.

_ Otherwise maybe I’ll be having this talk with Louis. _

Harry will play his part.

“Yeah sorry, just tired. Pass me a banana, will you?”

“Well that’s what you get for getting up at 6 in the bloody morning by  _ choice _ ,” Niall grumbles, throwing Harry a banana. Harry forces a tight smile and focuses on peeling the banana instead of the way Louis and Zayn both narrow their eyes at him skeptically. 

“Mm funny you giving me shit about that Niall, since it’s the sole reason you’re shoving your face with cinnamon roll now,” he quips back, grinning as he bites into the banana. Niall just sticks his tongue out at him. Then Harry’s phone is buzzing in his pocket and he’s fishing it out, face lighting up when he sees it’s his mum calling.

“Mum!” he greets brightly. The other boys don’t tease him. Not when it comes to Harry and his mum. Anyone else would get teased, but they all know how important Anne is to Harry. “How are you?”

“ _ Harry Edward Styles! _ ” his mother shrieks through the line. Harry winces, holding the phone away from his ear.

“Um… mum?”

“ _ How dare you not tell me you’re moving! _ ” Harry blanches. He’s what? The boys look at him, brows pinched in confusion.  _ “And with Caroline Flack? What on earth has happened, Harry, why would you leave Louis?! _ ”

“N-no,” Harry stammers. Anne doesn’t notice, but the other boys do, eyes wide with concern.

“ _ And for me to have to find out from a magazine of all places! _ ”

“Mum!” Harry shouts, finally getting her attention. Louis’ hands tighten on his hips. “I- I’m not moving out! I’m not  _ leaving _ Louis!”

“ _ Then why on earth did management tell  _ The Sun _ you are? _ ”


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for aditi and skye <3

“Oh god,” Harry whispers, the blood draining from his face. This is it, this must be his punishment. “No, no mum, it’s  _ not _ true. Listen, I have to go, but I  _ promise _ it’s not true.”

“ _ Harry- _ ” He hangs up before she can get another word out, trembling. He shouldn’t be surprised, really. Modest has been using him and Caroline for months, twisting their hardly-even-there friendship into a relationship that makes Harry sick to think about. Since even before Eleanor. Faked tweets, false media leaks. Scripted lines. Lies. And all of them orchestrated by Simon and his people. Caroline used the small amount of control she had to try and help squash the rumors, but even she had to bend to Simon’s will. Harry likes Caroline, he truly does. She’s a sweet lady, always apologizing profusely despite having about as much say in it all as Harry does. 

So, really, Harry  _ should not _ be surprised. But it still hits him like a punch to the gut and he feels tears sting his eyes. They’re going to ask him in the interview. And he’s going to have to simply play it off as a joke. But it’ll still set off a fresh wave of rumors. Of the hateful comments, the threats. Harry can’t tell people that he agrees with them, that a 17-year-old dating a 32-year-old is wrong and disgusting. He’ll have to play into it. Harry wonders, briefly, just how far Simon will take this.

“ _ Harry _ !” Louis' voice snaps him out of his numb daze with a jolt. He blinks away the tears, taking a shaky breath. He looks at Paul, the other boys. Anywhere but Louis. Louis, whose hands are still tight around his waist, whose gaze he can feel burning into him. Louis, who is doing so much for Harry. Harry can do this. He has to.

_ Otherwise maybe I’ll be having this talk with Louis. _

“I- uh-” What can he possibly say?

“Hazza what’s going on?” Louis demands, a hard edge to his voice sending a shiver down Harry’s spine. He needs to play this off, squash Louis’ suspicions.

“Uh, apparently  _ The Sun _ got the idea I’m moving in with Caroline.” Harry forces a light chuckle into his words, an amused disbelief. It sounds fake even to Harry. Louis' fingers clamp down on Harry’s waist, nearly painful with barely-controlled rage. 

“That’s bloody ridiculous!” Liam exclaims, voicing the thought running through every boy’s head. Harry just nods. There’s nothing they can do.

“It is what it is,” Harry whispers. It’s something he’s been saying a lot, lately. As a way of brushing things off. He can feel Paul’s gaze burning into him, urging him to  _ tell them _ .

_ Otherwise maybe I’ll be having this talk with Louis. _

He can never tell them.

“I’m sorry, love,” Louis murmurs quietly, directly into the skin of Harry’s neck, his chin resting on the younger boy’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry.” Harry shakes his head, turning to finally look at Louis. He cups Louis’ jaw, thumb brushing over his cheekbone. 

“It is  _ not _ your fault.” Harry’s voice is firm, his eyes fierce as they stare into Louis’. “Ok?” Louis swallows thickly, forcing back tears.

“Ok,” he whispers, his voice rough. Harry leans in to kiss him, some of the tension leaving Louis’ body at the touch. The other boys scrunch their noses but don’t bother the pair, knowing they need the comfort of each other now. One of Louis’ hands moves to the back of Harry’s head, where the bump is starting to form already, and Harry yelps, jumping up, tears springing to his eyes at even the gentle touch. Louis’ eyes immediately widen in concern.

“Harry, what happened?” Louis demands, standing up in front of Harry but not touching him, scared of hurting him again. Harry closes his eyes, draws in a deep breath. Drops his hand from the back of his head and looks at Louis. Smiles ruefully. And lies.

“Sorry, I bumped my head on the bunk leaving this morning.” The words feel wrong leaving his mouth, the lie making something in his gut twist. Louis frowns, concerned.

“Harry that felt like more than a bump, you literally jumped out of my lap and I just brushed over it-”

“I’m fine,” Harry insists. Louis opens his mouth to protest further, but at a pleading look from Harry, Paul cuts in.

“I got him some ice for the car ride, he’s just gonna have a bump for a couple days. Those damn bunks are too small for growing boys.” Harry shoots him a silent  _ thank you _ , but Paul just looks at him sadly.

“We should eat and get going,” Harry says softly, trying to change the topic from the bump on the back of his head. None of the boys look happy about it, but they don’t push him further.  _ At least not for now _ , Harry thinks, seeing the sharp, calculating look in Zayn’s eyes as he watches him.  _ Great _ .

-

The interview goes smoothly, for the most part. The interviewer is nice and polite, lighthearted and easy to joke around with. Harry sits with Zayn. He and Louis aren’t allowed to sit beside each other. Then comes the question that Harry’s been dreading. Zayn leans an elbow on Harry’s shoulder, watching him carefully. A silent show of his unwavering support. 

“Harry, this morning I read that you and Caroline Flack are moving in together-” the interviewer is cut off by Louis’ loud, forced laugh. The other boys pick up on it quickly, cheering for him too enthusiastically to be taken seriously. Liam maintains his composure, but Niall and Zayn can’t, their irritation manifesting in overzealous laughs and cheers. Harry goes along with it, grateful for his bandmates making a joke of it so he doesn’t have to. And over it all-

“Where’d you hear that? Where’d you hear that?” Louis plays it off by forcing as much amusement into his voice as he can, but Harry knows it’s bothering him. 

“Ok, ok, ok,” the interviewer laughs, quieting the boys, “so we thought you could clear up the rumors for SugarScape?” This is it. The boys all look at him and Harry takes a breath, avoiding looking at the camera or interviewer. 

“Uh, no, no I didn’t know anything about this, right? And then my mum, I got a text from my mum-”

“Your mum attacked you about it,” Liam interrupts.

“-Saying ‘I didn’t know you were moving!’ and I was like… what? So I don’t know,” Harry sums up, acting as confused as he can. “No idea,” Harry’s still talking, nerves stealing his ability to just shut up already.

“We didn’t think it was true,” the interviewer assures him. “We didn’t think you’d move out from the boys.” Harry quiets with a last, confused smile.

“From me!” Louis exclaims, putting as much overexaggerated offense into the words as he can in an effort to draw the attention away from Harry. It works, the interviewer shifting her focus to the older boy as Liam squishes his face, joking consolations coming from him and Niall. But Zayn looks at Harry with a grin. 

“You’d never leave Louis, would ya?” He asks, making a joke out of the question over the interviewer commenting about ‘splitting up the dream team’. She has no idea. Harry swallows, looks at Louis.

“Never,” he answers quietly. 

“But you’ve been teasing Harry quite a lot about this whole situation.” This is directed at Louis, who manages to appear amused even as his face falls. Louis agrees, face brightening mischievously as he looks to Harry, all the boys chattering over each other to keep the attention off of Harry. “So how are you going to get your revenge?” Harry just smirks at Louis, a shit-eating grin plastered on his face. Then Louis is making a stupid joke, they’re all laughing, Zayn is grinning widely.

“You’re just so comically g-” Harry’s heart drops and he covers the other boy's mouth.

“Don’t say it!” Zayn frowns at Harry, confused. 

“I was going to say genius, just calling him a genius,” he reassures him quietly. Harry mentally slaps himself. Of course. Zayn would never do that. Mercifully, Liam makes a stupid joke then and the interview moves on. Harry catches Louis’ eye, though, cerulean hardened with determination. And just a hint of sadness buried in their depths if you, like Harry, know where to look. 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zarry owns me and we already know this entire fic is just self-indulgence so.

Zayn corners him later. Harry knew he hadn’t convinced him earlier and tried to avoid being alone with the older boy as much as he could, and it worked for most of the day. But then, in the little time they have between rehearsal and the show, Louis is sent off with Eleanor, Liam goes to see Sophia, Niall’s off who knows where, and Harry doesn’t even notice Zayn when he approaches him.

He’s sitting on the edge of the stage, eyes closed as his fingers pick out the now-familiar melody to one of his songs he’ll never be courageous enough to propose. Harry’s voice is soft, thick with emotion as he sings. Zayn pauses at the sight, almost feeling like he shouldn’t intrude. Like he shouldn’t be watching this. But he does, entranced by Harry's gentle voice and the tune Zayn's heard the boy humming under his breath but never really shared with the boys. 

_ “I don't ever ask you where you've been _ .” 

Harry’s soft voice still manages to fill the room and Zayn leans against the doorframe, a small smile playing on his lips at the sound.

_ “And I don't feel the need to _

_ Know who you're with _

_ I can't even think straight but I can tell _

_ You were just with her _

_ And I'll still be a fool, I'm a fool for you. _ ”

Zayn feels tears sting his eyes at the heartbreak in Harry’s words, the way his face scrunches up in an attempt to ward off the emotions the song is drawing out of him.

“ _ Just a little bit of your heart _

_ Just a little bit of your heart _

_ Just a little bit of your heart is all I want _

_ Just a little bit of your heart _

_ Just a little bit of your heart _

_ Just a little bit is all I'm asking for _ .”

A flash of anger shoots through Zayn, his fists clenching as he squeezes his eyes closed, jaw tensed. How  _ dare _ Simon do this to him? To them? Harry’s 17. He’s a  _ child _ . Simon is trying to break a  _ child _ . And worst of all- he’s  _ succeeding _ .

“ _ I don't ever tell you how I really feel _

_ 'Cause I can't find the words to say what I mean _

_ And nothing's ever easy.” _

His voice is quavering, tears straining against his closed eyelids till they burn. Zayn can’t see that, but he notices the pain in every tremble of his hands as he plays, his entire body shuddering. 

_ “That's what they say _

_ I know I'm not your only _

_ But I'll still be a fool _ -”

Harry cuts himself off with a sharp, shaky breath. A ragged sob pulls itself from him as he chokes out a whispered final lyric,

“ _ 'Cause baby I'm a fool for Lou. _ ” 

Then he can’t sing anymore, tears closing his throat as he doubles over the guitar, laying it in his lap and bracing his elbows on it as he buries his head in his hands, silent sobs wracking his body. Zayn moves in an instant, the spell bound by Harry’s voice shattering at the sight of the broken boy. 

In a second, he’s at Harry’s side, gently setting aside the instrument as he pulls Harry to him, the younger boy sinking into his side immediately, arms wrapping around the Bradford boy’s waist as he cries silently into his shoulder. Zayn holds him tightly, shushing him quietly with his arms around Harry’s shoulders.

“All of it, Harry,” Zayn whispers fiercely. He needs to make Harry remember-  _ believe _ . “You have  _ all  _ of Louis’ heart. I think you always have. I know it might not feel like that but I  _ swear to you _ , Louis loves you with every part of him.”

“No…” The word is barely even a breath, but it still manages to shatter Zayn, who closes his eyes and lets out a long, slow breath.

“He loves you, babes. You don’t just have his heart, you  _ are his heart _ .”

“I’m not,” Harry whispers, his breaths hitching, “I’m not enough. I’m not going to  _ be enough _ .”

“Jesus, Haz,” Zayn breathes, exasperation edging into his words, “he looks at you like you hung the moon and stars, mate. If he loved you any more, it might kill him.”

“He’s- he’s my  _ everything _ , Zayn.” Zayn squeezes Harry tighter. 

“And you’re his.” Harry just lets out a quiet whimper, sinking further into Zayn. Instinctively, Zayn’s hand goes to hold the back of Harry’s head, to stroke his curls until he calms down. This time, however, it has the opposite effect as Harry flinches away with a sharp yelp. Zayn’s eyes narrow as Harry’s face scrunches in pain, eyes closed as he tries to fend it off, arms wrapping around himself.

“S-sorry,” he mumbles, eyes still squeezed shut. “I uh-” He blanks, blinking. What did he say happened?

“Hit your head on the bunk?” Zayn offers, eyebrow arched.  _ Shit _ . Harry nods, sniffing as he looks at his lap.

“Yeah. Think I’m gettin’ a bit big for them.” Harry tries for a chuckle, but it sounds just as forced and strangled as it feels.

“H, you and I both know that’s a load of shit,” Zayn accuses. He falters when Harry looks up at him, emerald eyes wide and shining with tears, pleading. Begging him to let it go. But no, he can’t. If what Zayn  _ thinks _ happened actually did, he needs to know. His voice softens, though, recognizing the sensitive state of the boy. “It was him, wasn’t it?”

“Zayn please-”

“Harry.”

“ _ Please _ ,” Harry cries softly, closing his eyes as if he can will Zayn away.

“Simon hit you.” It’s not a question. And the only confirmation Zayn needs is the sharp inhale Harry takes, the way he visibly shudders. “Fuck,” Zayn breathes, instantly pulling the younger boy back to him. His voice is hard with poorly-contained rage. “What happened?”

“I- nothing. Nothing happened. I’m  _ fine _ ,” Harry sobs, shaking. Zayn wonders briefly who he’s trying to convince- Zayn or himself.

“We can go, Harry,” Zayn says softly. “Say fuck the contracts and  _ go _ . We don’t have to put up with this, none of us do.” But Harry is shaking his head.

“No, no, this- being in a band, performing, it’s what we love. It’s worth it. The band is worth it.” Harry doesn’t notice the pained expression that flits across Zayn’s face, his own buried in the older boy’s chest. “It’s just a bump, Z. He- he got mad and pushed me into a wall. I’m fine. I am, really. It was nothing.”

“Doubt Louis will see it that way,” Zayn sighs. Harry bolts upright, eyes wide as he grabs Zayn’s arm.

_ Otherwise maybe I’ll be having this talk with Louis. _

“No!” Harry exclaims, desperation in every line of his face. “Louis can’t know!”

“But-”

“No, Zayn! Louis will overreact, he’ll do something stupid. Please, Louis  _ cannot know _ .”

“I’m not going to lie to him,” Zayn says slowly. Harry shakes his head, relief flooding him. This is the best he’s going to get.

“No, no, you don’t have to. Just don’t tell him. If he asks you directly, you can tell him. But please, Zayn, he can’t know,” Harry pleads. Zayn searches his eyes for another moment before letting out a resigned sigh and reluctant nod. Harry pulls him into a tight hug. “Thank you.” 

“If this  _ ever  _ happens again-”

“-Come to you,” Harry finishes, gently pulling back and wiping at his cheeks with the backs of his hands. He meets Zayn’s intense gaze and nods sincerely. “I will.”  _ It won’t happen again _ . 

He doesn’t know who he’s lying to- Zayn or himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is fluff I SWEAR
> 
> I love reading your comments <3


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to split it into two separate fluff chapters :)

Louis doesn’t open his eyes when he wakes up. No, he keeps his eyes shut and scrunches his nose up as Harry peppers little kisses all over his face. Harry lets out a small, surprised squeak when Louis tightens his hold around his waist, pulling the other boy flush against him, his hands trapped against Louis’ stomach. Then Louis opens his eyes, smiling softly at Harry. He rolls them so Harry’s lying on his chest, held in place by Louis’ firm grip on his waist. 

“Morning, sunshine,” Louis murmurs, closing his eyes again as Harry sinks into his hold, pressing a kiss to the older boy’s cheekbone.

“Morning Lou,” he whispers against his skin. Louis shivers and Harry smirks, ghosting his lips along his jaw, down to his neck. “Happy birthday, boobear.” Then Harry pulls back, leaving Louis with a small frown tugging at the corners of his mouth. When he opens his eyes, Harry’s just watching him with a gentle smile, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Louis can’t help but grin.

“Can I help you?” he asks lightly, amused by Harry’s behavior. He just shakes his head a little, curls bouncing. He reaches a hand up to gently brush away the fringe from Louis’ eyes. His fingers trace down his cheek before running along his jaw, cupping it softly. He looks right into Louis’ eyes and smiles.

“You’re beautiful,” Harry whispers.

“Sap,” Louis murmurs, but grins as Harry pulls him in for a kiss, fingers tilting Louis’ chin to gain better access as he moves his lips from the other boy’s, traveling down to the spot right beneath his jaw. He pulls himself slightly from Louis’ grasp, supporting himself on his forearms beside Louis’ head.

“You love it.” The words vibrate against Louis’ skin and a tingle runs down his spine. He squeezes his arms around Harry.

“HAPPY- gah!” Niall cuts himself off with a groan as he stumbles back through the door he just flung open, right back into Zayn and Liam. The pair laugh as they steady Niall, who’s flung a hand over his eyes. Harry sighs and stops his ministrations, lifting himself off Louis and shifting to the side, the glint in his eyes promising more later as he settles in beside Louis, intertwining their fingers as they both sit up and grin at their three bandmates. Zayn is smirking, Niall still looks nauseous, and Liam looks sick and tired of all of them.

“Why do I always gotta be the one to walk in on you two snogging?” Niall groans as he plops down on their bed, arm flopping over his face. Harry giggles and leans into Louis, which  _ might _ make his heart flutter just a bit.

“Because you don’t fucking knock,” Louis replies with a smirk. “‘Sides you made it just in time, we were just about-”

“Louis!” Harry slaps his free hand against the boy’s chest, earning a chuckle from Louis and a louder groan from Niall. Louis just smirks and uses a few gentle fingers on Harry’s jaw to angle his chin up for better access as he presses a slow, coaxing kiss to the other boy’s lips. Harry lets out a low whine as the other boys groan, Niall leaping to his knees on the bed and bodily forcing himself between the pair, wriggling into the small space between them. Louis groans as a flailing shin catches him in the groin and the other boys can’t help but laugh at both his reaction and the utterly horrified look on Niall’s face.

“Shit mate, ‘s my birthday gimme a break,” Louis grumbles as Zayn throws a pair of sweatpants at his head.

“Nope!” Niall replies cheerily, still wiggling in between the couple. He wraps an arm around the shoulders of both boys. “It’s time to celebrate!”

“We were about to,” Louis points out with a glare. Niall wrinkles his nose.

“Gross. And so not what I meant. No, we’re gonna  _ properly _ celebrate, ya horny bastard.” Louis just smirks at Harry around Niall, relishing in the pink flush on his cheeks as he pulls on a shirt.

“We have the day off, whaddya wanna do Tommo?” Zayn asks, sitting on the bed by Louis’ feet. Louis sighs and flops back against the pillows. They’re in Doncaster for Louis’ birthday, staying at their still-secret flat instead of his childhood home because they didn’t want to impose all five of them and the chaos that accompanies them on Jay, Mark, and the girls.

“Well I know what I  _ want  _ to do,” he replies cheekily, turning to grin at Harry again as he chokes on the sip of water he was currently taking. Niall smacks him upside the head as Zayn whacks his leg. “Ok, ok. Honestly, I don’t wanna do much. We’re still going to lunch with mum and the girls around one. I assume you all ‘ve already invited people over for tonight. Was hoping to, er,  _ cuddle _ , with Haz for a bit but that’s clearly not happenin’ now.” Niall rolls his eyes.

“Presents?” he offers. Louis sighs dramatically.

“I suppose, seeing as it’s the least you lot can do after interrupting my morning with my boyfriend,” he drawls, a smirk growing on his face. Niall scoffs and Zayn rolls his eyes. “No, yes, I’d love to. Then breakfast?”

“Sure thing Tommo,” Liam sighs, tired of them already. Louis just flashes him a grin and makes grabby hands towards Zayn, who arches an eyebrow but passes over the box in his hands with a grin.

-

Louis ends up having a rather fantastic birthday. He spends the morning with the boys, making a proper mess of the kitchen before Harry promptly kicked him out so he could “make him a goddamn birthday breakfast, you prick”. Louis went cackling with Niall to the living room. They played FIFA with Zayn while Liam and Harry made waffles.

After, the boys stayed in Harry and Louis’ apartment to prepare for the party. (“You break it you buy it, ya hear?” Harry warned with a pointed look at Niall). Louis and Harry went to lunch with Jay and the girls and spent several hours playing with the kids at their house. Watching Harry with the twins, Louis had thought, not for the first time, about what an incredible father his Haz would be one day. They’ve discussed it before. Once they’re ready to settle down, they want a family. And Louis just  _ knows _ that Harry’s going to make an incredible father and husband. Just the idea of having a family with him makes Louis’ stomach flutter. 

“He’s going to be a lovely father,” Jay had whispered, voicing her son’s thoughts. All Louis could do was smile fondly at his boyfriend and nod.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhh yikes I'm close to falling behind on this fic help-  
> but it's cause I'm working on a oneshot that's now 21 pages and inspired by a Troye Sivan song so it's not entirely my fault. Ok it is. But whatever. Promise the oneshot will be worth it even if my updates slow just a teensy bit.

By the time they leave, it’s dark and a light dusting of snow is falling, lazy snowflakes twirling through the crisp winter air. Louis sighs deeply, a wide grin on his lips as he and Harry walk to their car hand in hand. They break apart and go to their respective doors, Harry climbing into the driver's seat. Ever since getting his license, Harry is  _ always _ the one to drive. Louis, for all his recklessness and wild energy, is a horridly slow driver. 

Harry very quickly mastered driving with one hand so he could intertwine his other with one of Louis’. 

Now, Louis slumps low in the seat, feet up on the dash and hand squeezing Harry’s as he looks up at his boyfriend. Harry has a secret little smile as he pulls out of the drive and he squeezes Louis’ hand back. Louis quirks his head, grinning curiously.

“What?” Louis demands after a few minutes. Harry glances at him, eyes bright.

“Hmm?” he asks, faux innocence written in the arch of his eyebrows and mischief shining in the glint of his eyes.

“You’re up to something,” Louis accuses with a small (adorable) frown.

“Who, me? Never.” Harry raises their joined hands and presses a kiss to the back of Louis’. Louis’ frown deepens and for the first time he looks out the window.

“This isn’t the way home.” Harry just hums in response, fingers tapping along the wheel as a grin stretches across his face. “You kidnapping me, Curly?” Harry shrugs.

“You got in willingly.” Louis scoffs out a chuckle, rolling his eyes.

“Seriously, Haz, where’re we going?” Harry groans, leaning his head back against the seat. 

“Just  _ trust me _ . Don’t you?” Harry smirks at him, but Louis’ expression turns momentarily somber.

“Always,” he replies, his voice low and gaze intense. Harry swallows hard. He was about 99.9% certain if he weren’t driving Louis would be mauling him there and then. But Harry just squeezes his hand, looks back at the road, and grins.

“Good.” Louis pouts at him.

“C’mon Styles, what’re you up to?”

“You’ll see, just be patient. It’s a virtue, y’know.”

“Oh yes and I’m just so  _ very _ virtuous,” Louis says with an arched eyebrow. Harry lets out that honking laugh that Louis loves oh so very much and shakes his head fondly.

“Please Lou? We’re almost there, promise.” Louis huffs but then Harry’s pouting at him and well he can’t exactly say no to that. So he uses his free hand to pull out his phone to distract himself, opening Twitter and immediately grinning at the HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOUIS that’s trending, filled with loving messages from fans. He truly does have the greatest fans ever. Then some question where he is, as it’s been several days of no sightings. Many guess accurately, that he’s just tucked away in Donny and doing his damnedest to stay hidden. Others assume he’s in London, which was true up til just a few days ago. Then he sees one that makes the smile on his face widen almost painfully.

“ _ Doesn’t matter where he is, long as he’s with Harry he’s home _ .”

Louis smiles fondly as he looks at Harry, realizing not for the first time just how very true it is. Home for Louis is no longer a place. It’s  _ him _ . Him and his beautiful, captivating green eyes. Him and his lovely, unruly curls. Him and his adorable smile, dimples deep craters in his cheeks. Him and his beautiful soul.

“I love you, Haz.” Harry looks at Louis with a strange little smile.

“Love you too, Lou. Always.” Then Harry pulls to the side of the road. Louis frowns and peeks out his window, sitting up a little. His frown deepens, his eyebrows drawing together.

“What’re we doing at the park?” he asks, confused. Harry just grins and leans across the console to kiss Louis quickly before climbing out of the car and coming around to open Louis’ door. “Curly, what the hell are you up to?” Harry says nothing, just tugs Louis out of the car and walks toward the park. Louis frowns, glancing around nervously. “Harry, someone’s gonna see us.”

“Not likely,” a deep voice rumbles from their right. Harry jumps slightly, then chuckles.

“Jesus, Paul,” Harry breathes. “You scared me and I’m the one who  _ knew _ you were here.” Paul laughs softly, stepping closer as Louis just stares, entirely bewildered. “You got it?” Paul scoffs.

“Of course I do, wouldn’t want to ruin your special surprise.” Paul grins with a wiggle of his eyebrows. “It’s already there. My guys’ll make sure you two aren’t bothered.”

“Thanks Paulie,” Harry says brightly, before pulling Louis along.

“Harold what the  _ fuck _ are you up to?”

“You’ll see,” the younger boy sing-songs, practically skipping. And then.  _ And then _ . Louis gasps. Sat in what seems to be the center of the small park is a gazebo, draped in Christmas lights and appearing absolutely magical. 

“ _ Harry _ ,” Louis whispers, hushed as Harry pulls him towards the gazebo with a brilliant grin. “What is this?”

“Your  _ real _ birthday present,” Harry says cheerily as they walk into the gazebo. On one of the benches rests a guitar case and Louis’ stomach flutters. Harry gestures for him to sit down before pulling out the guitar and sitting next to him, suddenly looking rather nervous. He says nothing, just looks at Louis with his bottom lip caught between his teeth and an uncertain look in his eyes. After a long moment, Louis chuckles softly.

“Haz, love, this is all amazing, but I’m getting the feeling there might be something else to it?” he prompts gently, setting a hand on Harry’s knee and squeezing gently. 

Harry blinks, snapping out of the trance Louis’ swirling blue eyes had drawn him into. He flushes deeply, glancing at the guitar in his hands. “Er, yeah. Yeah, kind of.”

“Kind of?”

“I might’ve- I sorta wrote you a song?” Harry mumbles, almost like a question. Louis' heart nearly bursts, and he can feel himself grinning like a lovestruck idiot. Not far from the truth. 

“Can I hear it?” he asks softly. Harry’s flush deepens and he takes a deep breath and nods. His fingers begin to deftly pick out a soft melody, one he’s heard Harry humming before. Then, he starts singing and  _ oh god _ Louis is so far gone for this boy.

_ “Don't try to make me stay _

_ Or ask if I'm okay _

_ I don't have the answer _ ”

Louis feels his heart clench as Harry starts, his voice tentative and thick with emotion. He isn’t meeting Louis’ eyes.

_ "Don't make me stay the night _

_ Or ask if I'm alright _

_ I don't have the answer. _

_ Heartache doesn't last forever _

_ I'll say I'm fine _

_ Midnight ain't no time for laughing _

_ When you say goodbye” _

God, is Harry trying to kill him?

  
  


_ “It makes your lips so kissable _

_ And your kiss unmissable _

_ Your fingertips so touchable _

_ And your eyes irresistible" _

Harry’s voice steadies, growing louder and more confident as he sings, his eyes finally rising to meet Louis. The eyes he’s currently singing about are shining with unshed tears and Harry smiles _. _

_ “I've tried to ask myself _

_ Should I see someone else?” _

Louis’ hand tightens on his knee and his eyes harden slightly, possessively. Harry loves it, his grin widening.

_ “I wish I knew the answer. _

_ But I know, if I go now, if I leave _

_ Then I'm on my own tonight _

_ I'll never know the answer.” _

He knows the answer. Always has.

_ “Midnight doesn't last forever _

_ Dark turns to light _

_ Heartache flips my world around _

_ I'm falling down, down, down,” _

He fell a long time ago. Hard. They both did.

_ “That's why. _

_ I find your lips so kissable _

_ And your kiss unmissable _

_ Your fingertips so touchable _

_ And your eyes irresistible” _

The first tear tracks down Louis’ cheek, catching in the dimple from his wide smile. __

_ “Irresistible _

_ Irresistible  _

_ Irresistible  _

_ It's in your lips and in your kiss _

_ It's in your touch and your fingertips _

_ And it's in all the things and other things _

_ That make you who you are and your eyes irresistible. _

_ It makes your lips so kissable _

_ And your kiss unmissable _

_ Your fingertips so touchable _

_ And your eyes, your eyes, your eyes, _

_ Your eyes, your eyes, your eyes _

_ Irresistible.” _

Harry strums the final chord and catches his lip between his teeth, waiting nervously for Louis’s reaction. He sets the guitar down, leaning the neck carefully against the bench beside him. When he turns back, Louis catches his face in his hands and then he’s kissing him, deeply. The saltiness from his tears lands on Harry’s tongue as he reciprocates the kiss, shifting into Louis’ lap and gently cradling Louis’ cheeks in his palms as the older boy’s hands run down his sides, his thighs. They break apart after a moment, foreheads pressed together and breathing heavily in time with the other.

“So did you like it?” Harry whispers, searching Louis’ eyes. Louis scoffs lightly.

“Jesus, Haz. I fucking loved it. Are you trying to kill me?” Harry giggles happily.

“Never.” He pressed another lingering kiss to Louis’ lips. “I’m glad you liked it, boobear.”

“It was incredible, Harry,” Louis whispers sincerely, reaching up a hand to brush back Harry’s curls out of his face. He’s growing them out and has asked Louis to do it with him. Louis, of course, said yes. Anything for Harry. “Best birthday present I’ve ever gotten.” Harry smirks and leans in, his breath tickling Louis’ ear.

“Bet I can give you a better one tonight.”

“Oi! You’re cheeky tonight, eh?” Louis teases with a light swat to his bum. Harry just giggles and  _ shit _ if that’s not adorable. 

“Um. There’s one more part to this present,” Harry says quietly, suddenly serious. Louis raises his eyebrows because what more could there possibly be? Harry takes a deep breath. “I proposed the song.” Louis' eyes widen.  _ No way _ . “And… it got approved. It’s going to be on the next album. I’m going to have to share credit, Liam and Niall proposed it with me, but… it’s for  _ you _ Lou. No one else. And I wanted you to know that.”

“Holy shit, Haz,” Louis exclaims, crushing Harry to him in a tight hug. “That fucking incredible. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you, Lou,” Harry whispers into Louis’ neck, squeezing him tighter. “Happy birthday, my love.”

“Thank you, Hazza. Can’t imagine a better one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think??? Good fluff? Also- let me know in the comments if you'd like to see some Ziam cause I am considering it-  
> it wouldn't be endgame cause ~zigi~ and liam and maya are adorable but maybe a little bit? I dunno. Let me know what you think/would like!


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> filler chapter + something a little more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok SO. I know this isn't ~amazing~ but it's more of a filler chapter than anything else. I'm trying to move the story along a bit and get to the /real/ plot. And something fulfilling a special request. @a_n_o_n_y_m_o_u_s you asked and I did my best to supply. There'll be a better one later but here's a little one ;)
> 
> ALSO this is the last pre-written part I had so updates will likely slow a little but I really wanted to get it out today because Halloween is my favorite holiday and I felt like it so here, enjoy.

Nothing changes for two and a half months. It’s another two and a half months of them sneaking around, hiding. To avoid thinking about how utterly cruel it is, they turn it into a game of sorts. How many secret jokes can they make until fans catch on? How many secret touches can go unnoticed? How many secret codes can they get fans to try and decrypt? And then. Two weeks after Harry’s birthday, on  _ Valentine’s Day for god’s sake _ , they’re given an interview together. Their first and, as it would be, last. It feels like a test. If it is, they fail horribly.

But can you really blame them? They had their first solo interview. In Paris. On Valentine’s Day. How could they not? They couldn’t. Couldn’t keep their hands off each other, couldn’t keep the adoring looks off their faces, ccouldn’t keep the compliments from tumbling out of their mouths. They hardly even tried to.

And sure enough, a week later, back in London, they’re called into Simon’s office. Both of them. Despite both being scared shitless, they try to hold it together for the other. Or maybe they're holding each other together. Facing him together has to be better than alone, after all.

Simon doesn’t say anything as they walk into his office and sit hesitantly in the chairs across the desk from him. Harry’s leg bounces uncontrollably until Louis reaches over and squeezes it lightly. Simon’s eyes flick to the movement and Harry’s heart jumps into his throat.

“You’re together.” It’s not a question, but Louis answers it anyway.

“Yep.” He looks at Harry, who’s gaping at him in disbelief. They lock eyes and Harry’s harden as he gives the slightest nod. Louis takes a deep breath and turns to meet Simon’s level glare evenly, taking Harry’s hand. “Always have been and always will be.”

“You never broke up.” Simon’s voice is eerily calm, but Harry jumps in despite the fear twisting in his chest.

“Well technically we  _ did _ ,” he says innocently. Louis scoffs.

“For about ten minutes. Be real, Simon, did you actually think you could make me leave Harry?” Louis challenges, eyes flashing and chin jutting out with forced confidence. Simon stares him down for a moment, but Louis doesn’t waver. Simon sighs, leans back in his chair.

“I had hope. You made it very apparent very fast I couldn’t, the both of you.”

“Then why did you let us get away with it?” Harry blurts before he can stop himself. Simon’s cool gaze slides over to him.

“I was curious to see how far you’d go, how committed you are to this,” he admits.  _ He’s a fucking sadist _ , Louis thinks angrily.

“We’ll go as far as it takes,” he practically growls, leading Harry to squeeze his hand.

“I can see that. And clearly I can’t keep you apart, no matter how disgusting this…  _ relationship _ ,” Simon spits out the word like acid, “may be.” Louis is prepared to jump down his throat before Harry grips his hand almost painfully tight, eyes bright and hopeful. Louis restrains himself, biting his tongue. “So I’m going to stop trying.” And there it is. Harry’s face breaks out in a disbelieving smile, but Louis knows better. Nothing is ever that simple with Simon. 

“ _ However _ . No one who hasn’t signed an NDA cannot know. Hell, barely anyone  _ with _ NDAs will know if I can help it. Obviously the other boys know. Your stage crew will know. Certain interviewers. But understand me, boys, if this leaks there  _ will  _ be repercussions.” Both boys shiver, Simon’s threats towards the other echoing in their minds. “Louis will continue to see Eleanor and Harry, you’re going to start seeing Taylor in a few months, after her tour is over.”

“Wait-”

“Thank you, Simon,” Harry cuts Louis off with a sharp look. “What do I have to sign?” Simon shakes his head.

“No contract. Consider this a term to our agreement. Harry, in the fall you’re going to start to see Taylor and anyone else I decide you’ll be seeing. Louis you’re going to stay with Eleanor. You’re going to be in love with her. You’re going to  _ say _ you’re in love with her. Understood, boys?”

“Now hold on just a-”

“ _ Yes _ Simon,” Harry interrupts again, squeezing Louis’ hand. “Thank you. Simon raises an eyebrow at Louis and Louis swallows roughly, biting the words out.

“Yes, thank you.” Simon just nods.

“I don’t approve of this…  _ thing _ you two have and I can only hope you come to your senses before it’s too late. You can go now.” Harry thanks him one last time and drags Louis out before he can say or do something they’d both regret later. Once outside, Harry pulls Louis to him in a crushing kiss.

“We did it,” he breathes against Louis’ lips. Louis clenches his jaw, holding back the words he wants to say and nodding instead.  _ No, he just found a new way to control us. _

-

It’s better after that. Louis is anxious at first, always waiting for the other shoe to drop and crush them both. But it doesn’t. Yes, they have to stay closeted, but they don’t have to constantly be paranoid about their managment finding out. Yes, said managment seems to all be homophobic pricks, but Louis almost relishes in the disgust on their faces when he snogs Harry backstage. Yes, maybe they can’t tell their fans, but they can be together. More than they could before, at least.

They’re happy. They start production on their second album, the one with Harry’s song. They even got several other songs of theirs on the album with the help of the other boys and their friend Ed. Almost half the songs are for each other. Louis will never know how on earth they got away with They Don’t Know About Us, but he chooses not to question it. Still The One was Louis’ song to Harry. A reply, if you will, to Irresistible. He sang it to Harry for his birthday, a way of reassuring him that Harry was, is, and forever will be the only one for Louis. 

(“Copycat,” Harry had accused through his tears, after kissing Louis once the song was done. Louis had just shrugged and that was how the traditions of singing songs for birthday presents and speaking to each other through the lyrics were born.)

November rolled around, the album was released, and “Haylor” rumors began.

By December, they were made “official”.

By January, Simon let them call it quits. It was at Taylor’s request, actually. Said she couldn’t stomach helping to hide such a beautiful relationship. Louis couldn’t help but smile smugly at that. He knew it was hypocritical as he was now going on two years with Eleanor, but he hated seeing them together. It made him feel awful for Harry, who had to deal with him and Eleanor being so much more serious and longer.

An agreement was reached between managers: “Haylor” would break up, Taylor would write a song or two about Harry, and there would be no bad blood between the pair. Eleanor and Louis stayed together, the perfect couple. Somehow along the way, Harry was branded as a “womanizer” by the media, breaking his heart to no extent. Louis had a sneaking suspicion Simon was more than a little responsible for that. 

Regardless, Harry and Louis are happy. Happier than they thought they could be while still under Simon’s management. Sure, they still get scolded and punished when they take it too far, but they get away with an incredible amount. Well that or their management is a lot dumber than Louis, Harry, and their fans. 

They’ve gotten more tattoos, as well. Matching, of course. Some just for themselves. They use as many ways as they can to convey and communicate their love without just outright saying like they so desperately wish they could. The fans catch on to nearly all of it, to their delight. Harry and Louis even start to learn sign language. It gets to the point that the smallest touch, the catching of eyes, the brushing of fingertips, send shivers down their spines and grins to their faces.

Jay and Anne know, naturally. Not everything. But enough. They’ve known since the very beginning of the pair’s relationship. Supported them while they kept it a secret. Louis and Harry were positive they were ready to rain hellfire down on Simon when everything went down, but the boys convinced them to let them handle it. They don’t tell their mothers of the threats or hits. All they say is that management knows and they’re keeping it quiet for the sake of the band. That alone is enough to anger them, but again Louis and Harry assured them they could handle it.

There have only been a few times they’ve been called in to Simon’s office. Once or twice together, and a couple individual meetings. Harry’s one-on-one meetings only led to Simon hitting him two more times, once a harsh cuff to the back of his head and once a slap across the cheek. Harry didn’t tell anyone, did a better job of hiding it. Louis earned himself a shove to the floor and swift kick or two to the ribs. But that was only when they  _ really _ messed up. Now, approaching the end of September, it’s been weeks since their last meeting.

It’s late at night when Louis finally gets home. He was out on a date with Eleanor, again. Harry tried to stay up and wait, but when Louis walks into their flat, his boyfriend is sound asleep on their couch, cuddling a pillow in his arms. Louis smiles softly as slips off his shoes and jacket before walking over to Harry, squatting down by his head and gently brushing a stray curl out of his face. Louis loves this boy so much it physically  _ hurts _ , an aching in his chest. 

He just spent hours wrapped around someone else while the love of his life waited, alone, for him to come home. Kissed her while Harry did anything he could to distract himself. Held her while Harry hugged himself tight. Louis feels the tears welling up in his eyes before he can stop them. He presses a gentle kiss to Harry’s forehead as the first one slips down his cheek.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, his voice shaking. “God, I’m so sorry Harry.” Louis closes his eyes, falling forward and leaning his forehead against Harry’s as silent sobs wrack his body. He feels like he’s drowning, sinking down into a swirling dark he’s afraid he’ll never escape from. The tears come faster, his breath hitching as wave after wave of devastation crushes him down. He tips back so his jerky movements won’t wake Harry, sitting down and pulling his knees into him, curling in on himself as he breaks down. He tries to stay silent, to not wake Harry, but he can’t keep the quiet sobs and whimpers from falling from his lips as he rocks. Burning tears leave tracks down his cheeks and he feels like he’s flying apart, the only thing holding him together being the almost painfully tight grip of his arms around his legs as he tucks into himself.

“Louis?” His name is a deep rumble from Harry’s mouth, tinged with concern and heavy with sleep. “Lou?” Panic edges in. “Lou, Jesus, are you ok, where does it hurt?” All Louis can manage in response is a low whine, squeezing his arms tighter. Then there’s another pair of arms around him, safe and warm, catching the stray pieces of Louis that are trying to fly away and pinning them back in place. Making him whole again as Harry pulls him into his chest.

Louis goes willingly, his own body melting into Harry’s, molding into him until Louis can’t be sure where he stops and Harry starts. Harry doesn’t say anything, just holds Louis while he cries, fists curling into his shirt and face tucked away in his chest.

“I’m so sorry, Lou,” Harry whispers after however long. It could’ve been mere minutes or it could’ve been hours. Louis truly doesn’t know.

“Don’t.  _ Don’t _ ,” Louis replies, slightly calmer now. The body-shaking sobs have stopped and now he’s just curled into Harry, silent tears still tracking down his cheeks. “It’s-”

“Not my fault,” Harry finishes quietly. Louis looks up and sees emerald glassed over with unshed tears. “Still feels like it is. Like I should be  _ doing something _ .” Louis shakes his head, bringing one hand up to Harry’s cheek and looking him right in the eye.

“You are. You’re loving me. You’re here for me. And that’s all I need,” Louis promises softly. Harry says nothing, just sets his hand over Louis’ and turns into it, lightly pressing his lips to the inside of Louis’ wrist. Louis uses his position to lightly tug Harry to him, drawing the younger boy’s lips to his in a desperate kiss. Harry takes Louis’ face in his hands and kisses him back, saying everything without uttering a word. After a couple minutes, Harry’s lips move off his own, going instead to his cheeks, kissing away the tear tracks and the fresh ones still falling. Peppering kisses down his jaw. Whispering  _ “I love you _ ” into the skin right below the hinge of his jaw. Lips and teeth ghosting down his neck, over his pulse point. 

Harry seems to want to kiss every inch of him, to kiss away the pain and make this beautiful, broken boy in his arms whole again.

The words come out seemingly before Louis even realizes he’s thinking them.

“Marry me, Harry.” It’s barely louder than a whisper, breathed out softly. But Harry freezes, pulling back and looking deep into Louis’ eyes. The emotions in his eyes are unreadable, even to Louis. Louis swallows hard.  _ Fuck did I just say that? _

“What?” Harry asks, voice low and husky.  _ Yes. I did. And I fucking meant it. _ Louis takes Harry’s hands, still on his face, in his own and meets his intense, burning gaze.

“Marry me,” he repeats, voice firmer this time. “Will you, Harry Styles, marry me?”

“Lou, we can’t-”

“Fuck that. We can do whatever we want, Harry.  _ Marry me _ .” Louis sees Harry swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he searches Louis’ eyes. “Unless you don’t want to-” Harry cuts him off with a crushing kiss, pressing them together like he’ll never get enough.

“Of course I’ll marry you,” He whispers when they break apart, foreheads resting together. “Anytime, any place. It’s you and me forever, Lou.” Louis grins and then they’re kissing again.

They get “married” a week later, surrounded by their closest friends and family. It’s not official, purely ceremonial. But it’s a wedding in every other way- the vows, the rings, the commitment. The love. The only thing missing is a simple piece of paper from city hall. And really, there’s no need for that in either Louis’ nor Harry’s mind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE let me know what you think and anything you'd like to see in the future, because I'll do my best to include it! I love feedback and suggestions :)


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just needed to post something. Wanted to. This election is stressing me the fuck out. I'm literally having a nervous breakdown and have been all day. I don't know what this is. I didn't actually proof this. Like at all. So yeah. Hope it's alright :)
> 
> ALSO if anyone wants to proof a (DARK) oneshot I'm working on, it would be GREATLY appreciated. Let me know in the comments below or dm me on insta, @multi._.au

They wrapped up production on their third album, Midnight Memories, and released it at the end of November, nearly two months after their wedding. This album, like the last, is chock full of hidden lyrics, songs meant to be sung to one another and for one another. Harry got a few songs in, but Louis was incredible, writing or contributing to over half the album.

Harry and Louis are practically giddy. They made it.  _ Three years _ . They  _ did _ it. They all did. Because yes, maybe management is homophobic and cruel towards Harry and Louis, but the other boys aren’t exactly making it through unscathed. They’ve all been bullied and pushed down. Restricted. They have different ways of coping, of fighting back. Zayn and Louis smoke. Liam shaved his head. Harry’s still growing his hair. None of the boys are sure how Niall has managed to retain his bubbly and bright persona, but he’s a source of light for the group when they’re feeling dark. 

In all honesty, Zayn might have it worst of them all. He’s not allowed to do anything- his songs are constantly and firmly rejected, he was told under no uncertain terms he was absolutely in  _ no way _ allowed to dye his hair. So he smokes. He got himself a beautiful girlfriend. He continues to comfort and be there for his brothers, like they try to be for him. They just don’t quite get it, and the sad thing is they might never. Zayn didn’t want to be in a boyband. And yes, he loves the lads, but it doesn’t change the fact that deep down  _ he doesn’t want this _ . But he bears it. For them.

And he does enjoy it, playing music with his closest mates. It’s just the constant rejection and repression from management that slowly starts to wear him down.

So when the time rolls around to discuss the contract renewal, everyone is ready to walk away. Well, everyone but Niall. Because Niall, with his pure heart and boundless love for the boys and what they do, never wants to stop. When he told them this, they assured him they wouldn’t be  _ over _ , they’d just look for better management. Zayn hadn’t said a word.

Turns out, they still have a lot to learn. They’re still the naive, wide-eyed, hopeful little boys they were the first time. They truly thought they could be free. That Simon would  _ let _ them be free. They should’ve known better.

“Where are they?” Liam mutters, pacing back and forth. “We’ve been here like an hour.” It’s true, they arrived at the building and were directed to the conference room where they remain almost a full hour ago. Harry and Louis are directly beside each other, hands intertwined and ankles hooked together. Touching each other in every way they can while staying in their own seats. Harry’s free hand picks at his bottom lip until Louis notices and, frowning, takes the hand in his own, settling them over their already intertwined fingers on the armrest of Harry’s chair. 

“Are they just not gonna come?” Liam rakes a hand back through his hair and Harry’s frown deepens. Louis notices and fixes Liam with a glare.

“Li, would you sit the hell down?” he snaps, eyes flashing. Harry flinches, just a bundle of nervous energy at this point. Louis strokes a thumb over his knuckles soothingly. “You’re freaking Haz out.”

“Well, I’m sorry but I think all of us are a bit unnerved right now,” Liam snips, nerves making him harsher than usual. 

“Liam,” Zayn says softly. “Just sit down. They’ll be here in a bit.” Liam huffs but does as he’s told, plopping into a seat next to the Bradford boy. His leg starts bouncing almost immediately and Louis rolls his eyes, shifting his focus to Harry.

“‘S gonna be alright, baby,” Louis whispers, studying Harry’s face. Green eyes dart to meet blue quickly and raspberry lips offer a weak smile. Louis’ frown doesn’t waver and he lifts a hand to Harry’s cheek to coax him into a slow kiss. Harry sighs against his lips, relaxing into the touch as Louis’ tongue swipes across his bottom lip, asking for entrance which Harry easily gives. Momentarily lost in each other, they forget where they are and who they’re with. The other boys wrinkle their noses but don’t disturb the pair, simply looking away and letting their friends cling to the small comfort they’re managing to find amidst the stress. But then Louis and Harry don’t notice when the door begins to open. Panicking, knowing that Simon walking in on the two of them snogging would be a very bad thing, Liam coughs loudly and Niall throws his shoe at them. They snap apart, both looking thoroughly debauched as they wipe at their now-red lips, trying to fix themselves up as Simon enters.

“Boys!” Simon greets brightly, waltzing into the room. Harry’s hand tightens instinctively around Louis’ and Louis squeezes back in an attempt to reassure and calm the boy as Simon sits, dropping down a thick stack of papers in front of him. Simon narrows his eyes at Louis and Harry but decides to ignore the fact that they were clearly kissing before he arrived. He does his best to ignore their relationship as much as he can. Including the fact that their limbs are twisted together in every way possible despite being in separate chairs.

“Simon,” Liam says calmly, ‘daddy direction’ mode, as Louis likes to call it, turning on as he faces the men. They all agreed before coming it would be best to let Liam take charge.

“Well,” Simon starts with a clap of his hands, “shall we get this done? My lawyers already have the new contracts drawn up, all that’s left is to be signed.”

“Simon, we aren’t signing again. We- we want out.” Louis can’t help but be impressed with the steadiness of Liam’s voice, even when met with a deadly glare from Simon.

“I don’t think so.” The man’s voice is deathly calm, his gaze ice. Liam frowns and Louis' heart drops. Something in the tone tells him they lost before they even started.

“Well our contract expires in a couple weeks and we’re not signing another. This isn’t up to you.” Simon lets out a laugh at that.

“Now that’s precious,” Simon chuckles, his eyes glinting. They  _ won’t _ sign again. Ever.

“We’re not joking, Simon,” Louis snaps, his hand tight on Harry’s. “We’re sick of being your goddamn puppets. We’re  _ done _ .” Simon’s eyes snap to the eldest boy.

“You’re  _ done _ ,” he growls, his voice sharp, “when I  _ say _ you’re done. Until this contract ends, I  _ own you _ . So when I tell you to sign the contracts, you  _ sign the damn contracts _ !” He’s roaring by the end, fist slamming into the table. Harry jumps, breathing in sharply. Louis flinches, too, but holds onto Harry’s hand tightly. Simon stands up and leans over the table, eyes sliding from one boy to the next, his voice low and seething. “I have given you  _ everything _ you could ever want. You're famous, rich, traveled. You have  _ everything _ and you want to just throw that away? You ungrateful little-”

“That’s a load of shit!” Louis growls, jumping out of his seat even as Harry tries to tug him back. But Louis has had enough. “All you’ve done for the past three years is tear us down and hold us back. You fucking closeted me and Haz!” Louis’ voice drops down, calmer now, steady. “You have done your goddamn best to break us but you fucking failed, Simon. And we are  _ done _ taking it. You’re a homophobic arse and the only reason you hate us is because we have something you’ll never get- real love.” Louis’ breathing heavily, tears pricking the corner of his eyes. He and Simon stare at each other, neither backing down, gazes burning.

“You don’t know what you’re saying, Louis. You’re on very thin ice here.”

“We said no!” He snarls, angry tears burning behind his eyes, standing firm as Harry tries desperately to pull him away. “Fuck off, Simon, we said we’re done and we fucking mean it!”

“Louis, Lou, stop,” Harry pleads frantically. Simon mad at him, he can take. But Simon mad at Louis scares him shitless, his blood running cold. Louis just shakes him off, bracing his hands on the table and leaning closer to Simon.

“You’re a pathetic old man, Simon,” Louis growls. “You always tell us that without you, we’re nothing. But what are you without  _ us _ ? You’re  _ nothing _ . I’m not signing. None of us are.” With that he lets Harry pull him back into his seat, lets Harry’s hand squeeze his own soothingly even as rage boil under his skin.

“You think you still have a choice?” Simon smirks cruelly. “Until our contract ends, I own you.”

“So you’ve mentioned,” Zayn mutters. Simon’s eyes snap to him.

“What that means is that I choose what you do or don’t sign.” Simon leans closer. “You can try and fight me boys. You won’t succeed. Don’t forget I can make your lives hell. Or we can come to an agreement that benefits us all.” His eyes cut into them each, challenging them to argue. They don’t. They know enough to know they’ve lost. Simon grins and passes out the contracts.

The boys all exchange nervous glances before starting to read over the contracts. Harry looks around at the other boys as they read, seeing Niall’s frown deepen, Liam’s brow furrow, Zayn’s jaw clench. They read faster than him, the sick feeling in his stomach making it hard to focus.

“No fucking way,” Louis snaps suddenly, his fingers clamping down around Harry’s. 

“We’re not signing this,” Zayn says, eyes hard. Harry frowns- he hasn’t got to what clearly is upsetting the others. He probably doesn’t want to. “I’m not agreeing to another two years of this, there’s no way.”

“Like hell I’m going to agree to another beard contract.” Harry freezes at Louis’ words. The contract was supposed to expire come July. Sounds like that won’t be happening either. Simon’s jaw ticks.

“These are the  _ nice _ contracts boys. These are the ones that are going to let Harry keep growing out his hair, you guys write your own songs, mess around while on stage, not have scripted interviews. These are the generous ones. So I suggest you sign them.” Louis opens his mouth to argue, but the sharp look in Simon’s eyes and the way they flick to Harry and back at Louis makes him stop. The other boys don’t notice the subtle threat. The one that says  _ Harry can be himself if you agree. Or he can have another set up. Or worse _ .

“Ok,” Louis says, his voice thick. “I’ll sign.” The other boys whip to look at him, Niall shocked, Zayn and Liam almost angry, and Harry nearly looking hurt. All confused. “We’re not going to beat him. We never were.” Simon smiles.

“That’s a good lad, Louis,” he praises. Louis feels sick.

“Simon, give us a minute,” Liam requests. Simon narrows his eyes, but nods and stands from the table, leveling them all with a strict look before leaving.

“What the hell, Tommo?” Zayn demands, snapping at Louis immediately.

“We’re happy, right? For the most part?” The boys just frown at him. “Simon mostly leaves us alone. We get to travel the world, writing and playing music together. I think… I think we should just do it. There’s nothing too restrictive.”

“Maybe not for you,” Zayn snarls.

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re saying, Z” Louis snaps. “I’m taking a beard again. Harry and I still have to hide. But this is the best we’re going to get.”

“He’s right,” Niall says softly. “Yeah, I gotta keep bleaching my hair. But I can play guitar on stage and we can do this together.” Louis shoots him a grateful look before looking at Harry. If he doesn’t want to they’re not going to.

“I’m in if you are, Lou,” he whispers, his eyes sincere. If Louis believes it’s the right choice, Harry will trust him. Louis pecks his lips before turning back to Liam and Zayn.

“Yeah, ok,” Liam sighs, looking defeated. “Z?”

“This is fucking ridiculous,” Zayn mutters, shaking his head. “It’s bloody illegal.”

“It’s Simon. He’s gonna get his way, no matter what. We should’ve known that. This is the best we’re going to get, the more we resist the worse he’ll make it,” Louis says, his voice calmer than he feels.

“Fuck!” Zayn slams his hand down angrily, raking a hand through his hair. “Fuck, fine. Let’s get it bloody over with.” Louis blows out a sigh as Liam stands, going to knock on the door. Simon enters a moment later, eyebrow arched expectantly.

“We’ll sign,” Liam says quietly. Simon smiles widely and tosses five pens on the table. The boys each take one, exchanging glances before shakily signing away their last hopes for freedom. After, Zayn storms out of the room, Liam following closely behind.

“Good choice, boys,” Simon hums as he collects the papers and then leaves the three silent boys.

“I feel sick. ‘M gonna run to the bathroom, I think,” Harry mumbles. Louis moves to go with him, but Harry shakes his head. “Just need a minute. ‘M alright, promise.” Then, with a kiss to his lips, he leaves. His stomach churns, a shiver running through him as he makes his way to the bathroom.

He can’t  _ believe _ they just signed again. But Louis was insistent. And Harry trusted Louis fully, trusted him to make the right choices for them. Besides, it didn’t seem like they had many other options. Harry sighs heavily as he pushes open the door to the restrooms. And freezes. Because there, right in front of him, is Liam and Zayn. Wrapped up in each other entirely, Zayn’s hands running up and down Liam’s body as the bigger boy holds his face in his palms. Tangled together as their lips move in sync, caught in a deep kiss. Harry lets out a strangled sound and the pair jerk apart, terrified looks flashing across their flushed faces.

“Fuck,” Zayn whispers. But they’re not looking at Harry. They’re looking past him.

“What the  _ bloody hell _ ?” Harry spins at the angry voice, still in shock. The man behind him’s face is twisted in confused anger, his jaw clenched and eyes hard. Harry’s still frozen in the doorway, eyes darting between the angry face and Liam and Zayn. “Explain this.  _ Now _ .” Fuck.


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right so this isn't my best work but it's been a really REALLY weird week and this was the best I could come up with i'm sorry in advance-
> 
> next chapter is going to be a time jump because i need to get this story moving along a bit. this is probably the most Ziam you're going to get cause I don't really beleive they were anything too long-lasting or serious. They'll be touched on again later, briefly, but I'm mostly just using them as a plot device.
> 
> ALSO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU'D BE WILLING TO PROOF A ONESHOT I'M WORKING ON I NEED A BETA READER

Zayn’s expression hardens, his eyes flashing at Louis. Zayn is one of the few people not instantly terrified by an angered Louis. “What the fuck are you on about? ‘ _ Explain _ ’ what?” Zayn demands, moving toward Louis. He’s stopped only by Liam’s hold on his arms. Louis, face stormy, steps forward, fists clenched. Harry moves quickly, shifting his entire body into Louis’ path. He sets his hands on Louis’ chest, gently holding him back. Louis doesn’t look at him, angry eyes still trained on Zayn, but he doesn’t push against Harry. Even though Harry’s now taller than the older boy, and nearly broader too, there’s likely no chance Harry will be able to stop Louis if he’s really trying.

“Maybe _ explain _ what the bloody hell this is?” Louis is demanding, eyes dark and expression inscrutable, even to Harry. “Are you two  _ together _ ?”

“Are you fucking pissed about this? Where the fuck do you get off, Tommo?” Zayn snarls. Harry closes his eyes, flinching. Angry Zayn is almost worse than angry Louis. He definitely didn’t see this coming. “We don’t owe you any kind of explanation.” Then Louis is shoving past Harry, storming toward Zayn, who’s successfully pulled free of Liam. Louis stabs his finger into Zayn’s chest.

“You  _ know _ the shit Harry and I have gone through for being together!” Louis hisses, shrugging Harry off as he tries to tug him away. “How the fuck could you keep this from us? How could you let us go through this alone?!”

“ _ Alone _ ?!” Zayn repeats incredulously. He shoves at Louis’ chest, pushing him back. “Who the fuck do you think holds Harry while you’re out parading around with El?  _ Me. _ Who’s always there when you need to rant?  _ Me _ . Who helps cover with management and get your love songs on the albums?  _ Liam _ . We have  _ always _ been there for you guys however you needed so don’t even try and pull that shit, Lou!”

“Why wouldn’t you tell us then? You’re supposed to be my best mate, Zayn!” Louis sounds  _ hurt _ , giving Harry pause. Why  _ didn’t _ they tell them? Zayn says nothing, just stares at Louis, tears nearly spilling over. The anger is leaving both the boys now, Zayn letting Liam pull him back into his arms. “You’ve been here for us the whole time. Why the hell wouldn’t you let us do the same for you?” Louis shakes his head, face twisted in a pained expression as he looks at the pair.

“Louis,” Harry whispers, tugging at his boyfriend’s arm. “Just listen to them, maybe?” Louis swallows thickly.

“Well go on then,” he challenges, eyes flashing at Zayn.

“We don’t need t-”

“Z,” Liam says softly. Zayn’s jaw clenches but he doesn’t say a word. Liam looks at the other couple, he and Harry both trying to calm their angry boyfriends. If that’s what Zayn and Liam are, even. “Can we do this somewhere else?” Louis opens his mouth to argue, but Harry squeezes his hand.

“Let’s go back to Princess Park,” Harry suggests, softly sunning his thumb over Louis’ in an effort to soothe him. Louis clenches his jaw, eyes locked on Zayn’s, and then both nod. Harry lets out a quiet sigh and then tugs at Louis’ hand, pulling him out of the bathroom with Zayn and Liam trailing behind, murmuring to each other. 

“Took y’long enough!” Niall huffs, hopping to his feet beside Paul as they enter the lobby of the building. Harry offers him a tight smile and squeezes Louis’ hand again as they walk out and toward the car. 

“Me and Lou’s place, please,” Harry softly tells Paul as he climbs into the driver's seat, the boys packing into the back two rows; Harry, Louis, and Niall in the way back and then Zayn and Liam taking the middle. Louis is tensed, his jaw ticking as he stares out the window. Harry sets his hand on his boyfriend’s knee, squeezing it reassuringly. In front of him, he sees Zayn’s fingers twitch, as if to reach out to Liam. Sees Liam’s eyes flick to Zayn and his tongue dart out to wet his lips, grip on the armrest tighten. Were those signs always there before and now Harry’s just privy to them? Harry genuinely doesn’t know, and guilt twists in his stomach.

“Right, what’s goin on?” Niall asks suddenly. Zayn looks back, raising a questioning eyebrow. “Well Lou looks like he’s either gonna break down in tears or stab someone, Zayn flat-out just wants to stab someone, and Harry looks like someone kicked his puppy.” Harry’s gaze goes to Louis, whose expression is hard. But he doesn’t say anything. Louis would never out someone, not after what he and Harry have gone through. Besides, it’s no one’s place but the person themself.

“Harry and Louis… er…,” Zayn hesitates uncharacteristically, eyes sliding to Liam, who offers a small nod. Zayn takes a deep breath and turns back to Niall. “They walked in on me and Liam.”

“Whaddya mean?” Niall’s brow draws together, the gears in his head spinning. Zayn raises an eyebrow. “You- oh.  _ Oh _ .”

“Yeah…” Harry says softly. He feels slightly better knowing that truly  _ no one _ knew, but still, shouldn’t he have noticed?”

“Well I’m officially the last straight one,” Niall sighs mournfully, slumping back in his seat with an exaggerated arm thrown across his forehead . “Now who’ll I talk to about girls?” Slowly, Zayn raises a hand. Harry’s heart thumps. He’s known for a while that he’s interested in girls too. He doesn’t want to define his sexuality. He loves who he loves. He loves Louis. He and Louis have talked about it before and Louis was, of course, accepting and understanding. But he, so far, hasn’t been ready to talk about it with anyone else. But now… it feels right.

So slowly, hesitantly, uncertainly, Harry also raises a hand, his cheeks aflame. Niall, Zayn, and Liam all frown at him in surprise and Louis gives his free hand a quick squeeze.

“Well I dunno ‘bout Haz, but I’m bi, so…” Zayn says, breaking through the tense silence. Harry can tell they want to ask him. So he takes a deep breath.

“I- uh- I don’t like to define it. Label it. Yknow? I find both guys and girls attractive. ‘S it alright I don’t really know further than that?” Harry chews on his bottom lip, nervously awaiting their reaction.

“Of course, Haz,” Zayn says, his voice soft. “No one can know or decide but you.” The other boys nod and Louis’ thumb skips over Harry’s soothingly.

“Tommo?” Niall asks with a raised eyebrow. Louis smirks.

“Nah I’m full twink,” he says, flicking his fringe back with a cheeky grin. Zayn rolls his eyes, Liam lets out a long-suffering sigh, Harry’s cheeks flame and dimple, and Niall just raises an eyebrow at Liam.

“I- er- I’m figuring it out.” The boys all nod in understanding, and then fall into silence. Niall’s gaze flicks between his friends. He probably shouldn’t push. But on the other hand…

“So y’were snogging? What’s the problem?” Harry closes his eyes with a sigh  _ why Niall, why _ ? Louis’ jaw tenses but he doesn’t say anything. Unfortunately, Zayn does.

“Hell if I know, Lou got all pissy.” Louis’ head snaps to the Bradford boy, his eyes narrowed in a deathly glare. 

“I didn’t get all pissy!” he defends hotly.

“Then what  _ did _ you get, cause last I checked, you were the one yelling at us.”

“I was hurt, for fucks’ sake, Z!” Louis shouts, leading Harry to squeeze his hand. 

“Guys we’re almost there, can we just wait till we’re home, please?” Harry asks softly. If it were anyone else, Louis and Zayn would undoubtedly argue, but they each have a particular soft spot for the gentle, curly-haired boy, so they settle back in their seats and simply glare out their windows. 

After what seems of an eternity of tense silence, the car pulls up to Princess Park and the boys all slip out, muttering goodbyes to Paul. They scurry into Princess Park, running from the biting cold of the London winter. The band walks in silence until they reach Louis and Harry’s flat. The silence continues into the flat, until they’re all sitting in the living room avoiding each other’s gaze.

“Right this is ridiculous,” Niall says after several minutes. The others all look to him. “You wanted to talk so talk.” Gazes flick among the group, none knowing how to start. Niall sighs exasperatedly. “Must I do  _ everything _ myself? Zayn, Liam- what are you guys?”

“Together,” they answer in unison.

“Ok and where’s the problem?”

“ _ We _ don’t have any,” Zayn bites out, glaring at Louis.

“Lou, Haz?” Harry opens his mouth, to say what he’s not entirely sure, but Louis jumps in before he has the chance.

“They  _ know _ the shit we go through for being together,” he exclaims. 

“So… you want them to go through it too?” Niall asks, brow furrowed. Louis groans.

“No, of course not! I just- I-”

“Want someone to relate to,” Harry whispers softly. “Someone that would understand.”

“Harry no, I have  _ you _ -” But Harry shakes his head, meeting Louis’ eyes.

“Louis, it’s ok. Sometimes you need to yell. You need to scream, or punch something. And I- it just upsets me to see you like that so you hold back. I understand, Louis.” Louis’ eyes are sad as they hold Harry’s, his fingers squeezing Harry’s hip from where the curly-headed boy sits in his lap. “But Zayn would get it. You have the same fire and anger.”

“Lou, are you kidding? I always let you let loose however you need,” Zayn exclaims incredulously, brow furrowed in confusion. 

“Jesus, I’m not mad at  _ you _ . I’m mad at  _ myself _ ,” Louis says, finally looking up at the other boy. “I wanted to be there for  _ you _ Zayn. You let me vent and scream. But I should’ve been there for you and Liam like you always have been for me Harry. I should’ve known.”

“Lou…”

“No, he’s right,” Harry says, his voice timid, almost. “Lou and I were too concerned with ourselves to notice that you guys were going through something, and that’s not ok.”

“Harry  _ no _ ,” Zayn insists, holding bright green eyes with his own. “Li and I didn’t want anyone to know. Paul is quite literally the only person that does. It’s only been a few months anyhow. Not even really a proper relationship. We haven’t defined it. Definitely don’t blame yourself. ‘Sides we can’t compare to what you and Lou are going through. You guys are braver than we are and you’re paying for it.” Harry’s eyes are glassed over with tears.

“I should’ve known,” he repeats, his voice cracking. Louis nuzzles his nose into the back of Harry’s neck, hugging him closer.

“Haz, I didn’t know either,” Niall pipes in softly. “And you and Lou didn’t tell us at first, either.” Harry sniffs, looking down. Then he nods. He still feels guilty about not being able to be there for his friends, but Zayn and Liam knew what they were doing.

“Well this went better than I expected. Thought Z and Tommo were gonna bite each other’s heads off,” Liam mutters from his spot next to Zayn.

“Kinky,” Louis quips, earning a sharp elbow to the ribs from Harry and various items, including a coaster and shoe, thrown at him from the other boys as everyone groans.

“I am happy for you guys, though,” Harry says once they’ve quieted.

“Love you too, Hazza,” Niall replies, launching himself at the other boy to plant a smacking kiss on his cheek while Harry giggles, squirming in Louis’ lap.

“Get off ya koala!” Harry pushes at Niall as he tries to drag him away from Louis.

“And get your own nickname,” Louis grumbles, tugging Harry back. Niall pouts, but settles for just leaning against the pair and grabbing the remote. He flicks on the tv, Harry sinks further into Louis, Zayn leans into Liam, and it feels like somehow nothing’s changed. If only that were true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, PLEASE let me know if you'd be willing to be a beta for my oneshot!!! It would be GREATLY appreciated.


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn tells the boys
> 
> !!!THIS IS A COMPLETE WORK OF FICTION!!!  
> !!!!!NOT NECESSARILY HOW I EVEN THINK IT WENT JUST HOW I NEEDED IT TO GO FOR THE FIC!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO! Big time jump, I know. but i needed to move it along. so yeah. and i know this isn't the ~best~ way to handle it but whever gimme a break. Writing this broke my Zarry/Zouis/Ziall heart and my ot5 heart so yeah... sorry? By the way canon-compliance was out the window a LONG time ago so don't come for me.
> 
> also i just spent like 4 hours rush-writing this to get it out today and i got like 5 hours of sleep and it's barely proofed so please don't mind the typos that in all likelihood definitely exist.

A year and four and a half months. That’s how long it lasts. That’s how long  _ they _ last. After signing the new contract, they fell quickly into their roles. Wrote their music, said their lines, played their parts. Shut up and did what they were told. Clung to each other like lifelines.

Liam and Zayn quickly decided not to define their relationship. It’s closer to friends with benefits than a true relationship. For the most part, nothing really changes. It’s like it’s always been. But now Simon, in general, leaves them be. Syco has grown a lot since One Direction began, and he’s mercifully preoccupied for most of the time.

That’s not to say anything is perfect. Far from it, in fact. Louis is still with Eleanor. He and Harry aren’t allowed to interact anymore. Not in interviews, not in public, barely on stage. So, trying to make the most of it, they turned it into a game.  _ How far can I go before you break? _ They mess with the other boys, play with people in the crowd. They often trade off. Sometimes Louis is feeling antsy, on edge. Those nights are the ones he wrestles Liam to the ground and straddles him. Just to see that reaction from Harry. The one that sends shivers racing down Louis’ spine. The cutting, intense stare that seems to leave Louis feeling more exposed than he does when his shirts turn see through with the water Liam throws on him. Then sometimes Harry’s a cheeky little shit, flirting with Zayn or members of the audience.

They all have things though- Liam isn’t allowed to cut or dye his hair, not after the whole ‘shaving-his-head’ incident. But Liam, for the most part, takes it the best out of them. He’s the best at being quiet and doing as he’s told. Niall, too. Even when they turn off his mic, tell him he has to keep bleaching his hair until it’s practically falling out, Niall says nothing. His bubbly persona remains intact. His ability to cheer the other boys and relieve some of the tension is one none of them take for granted. They rely on it, in fact.

Zayn. Zayn still has it the worst. Even Louis and Harry know that they have it easier than him. Zayn, who isn’t allowed to write any songs. Zayn, who isn’t allowed to change his appearance in any way he wants. Zayn, who’s constantly ridiculed for everything. Not just from their management, but the public too. And yet, he somehow manages to be a rock for the others. He’s still the one that holds Harry most of the time. He’s still the first one Louis goes to when he needs to scream, to vent.

So when it’s one night in early May and Harry and Louis both receive the text, they don’t think too much of it. They’re cuddled up on the couch watching  _ Love, Actually _ because Harry loves it and Louis’ a pushover when it comes to Harry. (And maybe he loves it just a little bit, but no one needs to know.) (Ok he loves it a lot and Harry absolutely knows.)

It’s just a text. Six words. That’s all.  _ I need to talk to everyone _ . It’s just six words, right? Wrong. Those six words are the beginning of the end.

**_Nialler and the potatoes_ **

**_Niall:_ ** _ yeah course. Meet at larry’s in ten? _

**_Louis:_ ** _ stop calling us that and sure sounds good. _

**_Niall:_ ** _ you know you love it 😏 _

**_Louis:_ ** _ do not _

**_Harry:_ ** _ oh stuff it lou, you do and you know it _

Louis smacks Harry’s head from where it’s rested on his shoulder. Harry giggles, tucking his face further into Louis’ neck.

“Little shit,” Louis mutters, typing out a reply.

**_Louis:_ ** _ traitor! _

Harry glances at the phone and then giggles again into Louis’ neck, the laughs vibrating against his skin. 

**_Harry:_ ** _ sorry loubear. How can I make it up? 😉 _

"Cheeky fucker," Louis scolds, pinching Harry's hip lightly. Harry just smirks into his boyfriend's shoulder.

**_Niall:_ ** _ mates! We! Have! Been! Over! This! None of your gross foreplay shit on the gc. Keep that shit to the bedroom. _

**_Louis:_ ** _ happily 😉 _

**_Harry:_ ** _sounds like a solid plan._

**_Niall:_ ** _ I hate you both.  _

**_Zayn:_ ** _ i’ll be over in ten _

Louis and Harry frown at each other. Usually, Zayn will participate in the banter.

**_Harry:_ ** _ yeah, sure _

**_Harry:_ ** _ is everything ok? _

**_Zayn:_ ** _ just need to talk to everyone. _

“That’s not an answer,” Harry whispers to himself, not laughing anymore. Louis’ hand tightens on his waist, his lips pinched together.

“I’m sure everything’s fine, babe,” Louis murmurs, not sure if he entirely believes it himself. 

-

“So what’s up?” Niall asks, clapping and then rubbing his hands together. He’s placed himself on the couch beside Louis and Harry who, of course, are still wrapped around one another. Harry’s somehow managed to curl himself into the smaller man despite all his gangly limbs and larger figure. He’s bent in a way that to some might seem awkward, his head resting on Louis’ shoulder, arms wrapped around his waist, and legs tucked over Louis’ lap. He’s practically latched onto Louis like a koala. Not that Louis minds in the slightest, one hand resting across the younger’s legs and the other lost in his curls. Harry’s hair is long now and Louis absolutely  _ loves _ it.

Zayn is sitting tensely in one of the weird decorative chairs Harry likes, the ones without cushions that Louis grumbled _“_ _ the fuck‘s the point of chair if it’s uncomfortable t’sit in Haz? _ ” about when Harry picked out. Liam is next to Niall, not having said anything after a simple ‘hello’ when he arrived. His eyes are fixed on Zayn, expression unreadable.

“Is everything ok, Z?” Harry asks softly, the hand resting on Louis’ stomach tracing light patterns absentmindedly. Zayn’s gaze flits to Harry and Harry frown deepens. The normally put-together and calm man looks uncharacteristically nervous, hands shaking ever so slightly. His tongue darts out to wet his lips.

“I- uh, no,” Zayn stutters, wincing at his ineloquence. “No, not really.” Harry’s breath catches and Louis’ fingers tighten in the skin of his thighs, digging in through the fabric of his sweatpants. 

“Zayn what’s going on?” Louis asks, his voice forcibly even. 

“Just um- just let me get through this, ok? Like I just- just i need to say it.”

“Of course,” Harry whispers, eyes soft with concern.

“So, uh. Things have been bad. For a- for a while actually. I- guys I can’t do this. I can’t- it’s quite literally killing me.” Zayn can’t meet any of their gazes.

“Zayn, what are you-”

“Please. Please just- just don’t say anything,” Zayn asks, eyes begging Louis when they finally rise to his. Louis just nods, jaw tight. Zayn’s gaze drops back to the floor. “So, um. I- I haven’t been eating.” He doesn’t miss the sharp inhale from Harry. “I- I haven’t been sleeping. The- the, uh, the anxiety and everything, the pressure it’s just, shit, guy’s it’s too much. And I just- I  _ can’t _ anymore. I- I never wanted this. The band. I wanted to be a solo artist, I wanted to be able to play my own music, I wanted to be able to  _ be myself _ . The only reason I even lasted this long is because of you guys- because I love you and wanted to be with you. But I just can’t anymore.” There are tears slipping down Zayn’s cheeks now, tremors in his voice. He finally looks up at his bandmates. His friends. His  _ brothers _ . “I’m leaving the band.”

“Y- you’re what?” Harry whispers, feeling like someone just ripped out his heart and crushed it.

“What the fuck?” Louis demands at the same time, along with a hushed “Oh  _ fuck _ ,” from Niall. Liam is silent, eyes still fixed on Zayn.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. “May- May 25th is my last show. I’m sorry.” Zayn can’t rip his gaze away from Harry’s, knows he’ll never forget the look of utter betrayal and devastation in those emerald doe-eyes. Without a word, Louis shoves Harry off of him and storms from the room, marching in the direction of their house gym. Zayn rises to his feet with a broken, “Louis-” Then Liam is standing as well, holding Zayn with a hand on his arm.

“I got it, Z,” he murmurs, squeezing Zayn's arm before going after Louis. Zayn turns back to Harry and Niall.

“Haz, I-”

“Don’t,” Harry whispers, stumbling shakily to his feet and tripping into the master bedroom. Zayn looks after him, tears bright in his eyes. He drops onto the couch with a strangled sound, burying his face in his hands.

“Fuck,” he whispers, his voice tight with tears. “Fuck!”

“How could you not tell us?” Niall asks softly, watching Zayn with sad eyes. “We could have  _ helped _ .” Zayn lifts his head, shaking it and taking a deep breath.

“You couldn’t. I- I don’t think anything could have. I don’t  _ want _ this, Ni. I never did,” Zayn whispers, looking into Niall’s sad blue eyes.

“That’s not going to make them feel any better,” Niall murmurs. “I understand why you’re leaving, Z. I want you to get better, to  _ be _ better. But yer still breakin’ our hearts, mate.”

“I’m sorry, Niall.”

“I think you need to go talk to Harry,” is all he gets as a reply. Zayn takes a deep, shaky breath and nods, standing up. Niall doesn’t say anything more, so Zayn chews on his lip, turns, and starts toward the room. He knocks lightly on the door, but there’s no answer. So, he takes another deep breath and opens the door, sidling into the room slowly. Harry is sitting on the floor at the food of his and Louis’ bed, knees drawn up and head hanging down in his hands.

“Harry…” Zayn starts softly. He sees Harry’s shoulder tense, his head raising. Zayn doesn’t move closer.

“Why?” Harry’s voice cracks, his eyes red-rimmed and shiny with tears. “Why wouldn’t you  _ tell me _ ?”

“Because, Haz,” Zayn swallows thickly and starts forward. Harry doesn’t break their locked gaze, so, feeling braver, he sits next to Harry, “you have so much shit of your own to deal with. I- I was trying to handle it on my own.”

“You shouldn’t have,” Harry replies, the words rough.

“You couldn’t have helped anyway. No one could've.”

“You don’t know that because you never let us try,” Harry fires back, eyes flashing.

“I know because I never wanted this, Harry.” Zayn’s voice is rising slightly. “I never  _ wanted _ to be in a boyband.” Harry’s expression hardens in a way it never has with Zayn. 

“Then you should have left a long time ago,” he says, his voice cold. Before Zayn can formulate a reply, Harry has gotten to his feet and gone into the attached bathroom. Zayn gets the feeling that door won’t be opening for him anytime soon, and yet he can’t bring himself to get up. So he sits there, at the foot of his best mates’ bed, hanging his head and trying his best to pull himself together. 

It’s not long until the bedroom door is opening, revealing a tired-looking Louis. Zayn rises to his feet, meeting Louis’ steady gaze. “I think you should probably go,” Louis says softly, stepping out of the doorway.

“Harry-”

“Go, Zayn.” Louis’ voice is ice. So, clenching his jaw, Zayn nods tightly. He swallows as he moves to leave, pausing as he passes Louis.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. Louis’ gaze flicks to his and he opens his mouth, almost as if to say something, before closing it, lips pressed tightly together. There’s nothing to say. Zayn takes a deep breath and leaves the room, reemerging into the living room. Liam is standing waiting, eyes sad. He looks like a kicked puppy and it just makes Zayn feel even worse. 

“I tried…” Liam says softly, sadly. Zayn just nods, pressing his tongue against the back of his teeth in an attempt to physically hold back the cry that wants to tear out of him.

“Thank you,” he chokes out before brushing past him, to the exit. Liam is moving to sit with Niall, on the couch with a bag of nandos, when Zayn glances back. The three of them share a charged look, but neither men say a thing to Zayn and he doesn’t trust himself enough to say anything to them. So he opens the door. Glances back a final time. And leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lilo talk next chapter. Maybe Larry too. Probably some ot4. We'll see. Go read ALWFTP and Sky Full of Stars by my babe Skye cause they're incredible and deserve all the recognition and love they're getting plus more. And really if you haven't already read them, wyd


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's gonna get worse before it gets better.
> 
> This was written in like an hour and is unproofed I apologize in advance I'm really just trying to get chapters posted for you all!!
> 
> Also go read the incredible works of my ridiculously talented babe, @Pink_Sunsets

Louis sees red. His vision blurs, clouding over with fury. Or maybe tears. He’s not sure. Either way, he shoves Harry off of him, too distraught to feel guilty, and storms from the room. He can’t stand to look at Zayn another second. He hears the Bradford boy call for him, ignoring it as he nearly runs out of the room, aiming toward their indoor gym. He hopes Zayn doesn’t come after him. Actually, he hopes he _ does _ . ‘Cause if Zayn follows him and Louis punches him in the face, is Louis really to blame?

He doesn’t think so.

He slams the door shut, fists clenched and tears stinging behind his eyes. Zayn’s  _ leaving _ ?! He’s getting away? He’s  _ free _ ? He’s  _ abandoning _ them? With a broken shout, his fist finds itself flying into the punching bag. Or, the reason Louis went to their gym. Here, there’s things he can hit and not worry about breaking.

He’s readying himself to hit it again when there’s a soft knock on the door. He whirls, ready to shout at whoever’s there.  _ It could be Harry _ , his mind points out.  _ You don’t want to yell at Harry _ . So, tightening his jaw, Louis walks over and rips the door open. It’s not Harry. 

Louis glares at Liam, fists clenching again, before turning back towards the bag. “Fuck off, Payno,” Louis grunts as his fist connects with the punching bag once more. The door shuts softly, but Louis can sense Liam in the room, behind him.

“Louis-” Liam starts. Louis rounds on him, face twisted in an angry, broken expression even as he tries to hold back tears.

“He’s fucking  _ leaving _ ?” Louis demands, his voice a rough growl. Liam looks at him with sad eyes.

“He has to, Tommo. It’s killing him.”

“It’s killing  _ ME _ !” Louis screams suddenly, pushing back at Liam’s chest. Liam barely stumbles, larger and solider than Louis. He lets Louis shove at him again as angry tears break out from behind the smaller man’s eyelashes. “It’s been killing me for  _ years _ ! But I’m not fucking abandoning everyone!” Liam stops Louis, catching him easily by the biceps and forcing tearful, angry blue eyes to meet his.

“That’s because  _ you want this _ . You want to perform with us, you want to be in a band. Zayn doesn’t. You know this, Lou. He never did,” Liam says softly, dark eyes gentle and sad.

“Why?” The question is quiet as the fire starts to drain from Louis, leaving him sad and broken. 

“It’s just not what he wants, Tommo.”

“Then why is he still here?”

“Me. Niall. You.  _ Harry _ .”

“Fuck you, Payno,” Louis scoffs tearfully, bringing a hand up to wipe harshly at his cheeks. “You can’t make me feel guilty for being upset. That’s not fair.” Liam releases Louis, stepping back.

“Lou, I’m just telling you the truth. If Zayn didn’t love us the way he does, he would have left a long, long time ago.” Liam’s right, is the thing. Louis knows it. Louis hates it.

“Why aren’t we enough, then?” This time, when blue meets brown, the anger is gone, leaving something broken and irrevocably defeated in Louis’ eyes. 

“Because for once, Zayn is putting himself first,” Liam answers softly. Louis clenches his jaw, trying to hold back even more tears that threaten to escape down his cheeks. 

“Why didn’t we know? Was it just me and Haz?” Liam shakes his head sadly.

“Even I didn’t know, Lou. Not until a couple nights ago. Zayn called me crying about how he couldn’t do it anymore, couldn’t do  _ this _ anymore. It was either he left or he died trying to stay. He’s making the right choice for  _ him _ .”

“But what about us? Why does he get to leave? How can he just  _ leave _ us?” Louis asks, the words sounding more like a broken sob than a question.

“Simon never liked Zayn, you know that. Never liked the controversy he brought to the band. If any one of us was going to be able to leave, it’s Zayn. So he is,” Liam explains.

“How are you ok with this?” Louis demands, eyes hard. “Given your relationship, how can you possibly be ok with Zayn leaving?”

“He ended it with me a bit ago. Few weeks,” Liam admits. Louis swallows cause, shit, now he feels bad.

“Sorry Payno,” he murmurs. Liam shakes his head.

“He’s taking care of himself. Doing what he needs to do to be ok. I hate that he’s leaving. But I understand why.”

“I-” Louis takes a deep breath, “I can’t just forgive him. I already  _ know _ this is gonna fuck up Haz. He loves Zayn. I mean we all do. But Harry’s always relied so much on Zayn. He’s like an older brother for Haz. This- not having known or been able to help is going to mess him up. He’s going to blame himself.”

“Then maybe you should go talk to him,” Liam suggests softly, shifting out of the way of the door. Louis swallows thickly and nods, wiping his tears away. He can be there for Harry. He  _ will _ be there for Harry. In every way. He brushes past Liam, opening the door and walking toward their bedroom, where he instinctively knows Harry is. 

He opens the door gently, peeking in. The sight he’s met with makes rage bubble up again in his chest. Zayn is on the ground at the foot of their bed, head hanging down in his hands. He looks wrecked. Zayn looks up when the door opens, eyes red and puffy and cheeks tracked with tears. He moves to his feet, holding Louis’ gaze. 

“I think you should probably go,” Louis manages to say, moving aside to let the other man pass.

“Harry-” Zayn starts, his voice rough. Louis clenches his jaw, feeling himself harden at the mention of his sensitive boyfriend.

“Go, Zayn,” he repeats, words hard. If Zayn doesn’t leave now, Louis isn’t entirely confident he’ll be able to stop himself from hitting him. Then he sees the muscles in Zayn’s jaw tighten before he nods jerkily, moving to leave.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly as he passes Louis. Louis looks at him for a long moment, opening his mouth to say something. Then he realizes he has nothing to say and snaps his mouth shut again. He hears Zayn’s shaky breath, and then the other man is gone. Louis lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding once the door is closed. 

He walks over to the bathroom door, knocking softly. “Haz?” No response. “Hazza, baby, it’s me. Please open the door?” There’s another long, tense moment of silence before a lock clicks and the door snicks open, revealing a teary-eyed and red cheeked Harry. Louis smiles softly, easing the door open further. 

“He’s leaving,” Harry whispers, voice small and shaky. Louis’ heart shatters and he pulls the larger man in for a tight hug. Harry tucks his face into the crook of Louis’ neck, tears wetting his skin. Harry shakes in his arms, crying softly. “I didn’t know… I- I didn’t help him.” Louis pulls back slightly, taking Harry’s cheeks in his hands. Large hands stay splayed across his back, neither wanting to be apart.

“There isn’t anything you could have done, love,” Louis whispers softly, thumbs brushing Harry’s cheeks. “He was going to leave no matter what.”

“Why?” Louis understands now. How Liam felt. How is he supposed to explain to this sad boy in front of him that his best mate didn’t care enough to stay.

“Because he actually can,” is what Louis ends up saying. Harry sniffs, turning his face further into Louis’ palm.

“What does this mean for us?” Harry mumbles after a moment. Louis bites his bottom lip as Harry searches his eyes for an answer he wishes he had.

“I’m not sure, Hazza. But we’ll be fine. You and me forever, right?”

“Always,” Harry answers. Louis smiles softly and then leans up on his tiptoes to slot their lips together gently, reassuringly. 

He hopes he’s right.

He’s not. 

-

When they emerge from their room several minutes later, hands held tightly and eyes teary, Liam and Niall are sitting on their couch, bag of nandos in between them. Harry and Louis take their places next to Niall on the couch, Harry tucking himself into Louis’ side.

“Well I certainly didn’t see that coming,” Niall says quietly after a moment.

“I don’t think any of us did,” Harry replies.

“Um- well- uh, you’re all still in… right?” Niall asks uncertainly. Harry turns his head to look into Louis’ eyes. 

“All in,” Louis answers for both of them, tipping down to give Harry a quick peck.

“Do you think we can do this without him?” They all look at Liam. None of them are certain.

“We’ll do our damndest,” Louis replies after a long moment of silence. “We’re brothers. That’s not going to change. Ever.”

“If we’re brothers then whatever you and Haz have is entirely fucked,” Niall says thoughtfully, effectively breaking the silence. Liam sighs, rolling his eyes. Harry giggles despite himself and Louis reaches over to whack Niall upside the head as the blond boy laughs.

And like that, they’re how they’ve always been. Teasing, laughing, joking, throwing nandos. There’s a hollow feeling, an empty spot as they mess around. But that will fade eventually. They still have each other and that should be enough.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot worse.


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little bit shorter than I've been aiming for with my parts but it felt like too perfect a stopping point to continue. Also you have @Lmnop9090 to blame for the Zouis depression over the course of this chapter and the rest of the story cause she officially broke and i'm never recovering so im taking you all down with me.

It was supposed to be strictly professional. Platonic. A contract and nothing more. And at first, it was. At first, Eleanor was fine with that. At first, she was happy just being friends with the band. Elated, even, at the opportunity. They were all nice to her and funny and cool. Well, not so much Zayn. He never quite warmed to her. Harry was clearly uncomfortable with her presence but was always polite and civil. And Louis.  _ Louis _ . Louis was amazing. Charming, funny, beautiful. But he was with Harry and they were adorable and happy together.

But.

But then, Eleanor got to know them better. She saw how weak and timid Harry was, letting Louis take the brunt of it in the older boy’s efforts to protect Harry. She saw how Louis was killing himself taking care of Harry.  _ She _ was the one who helped Louis cover his bruises when Simon hit him.  _ She _ was the one that would let Louis vent and scream.  _ She  _ was the one that would buy him ice cream (mint chip, naturally) and let him cry. What did Harry ever do? Latched on to Louis like a leech and then let Louis take the fall for it, not caring for the consequences it brought down on the older boy.

Of course, what Eleanor  _ wasn't _ seeing was how they supported each other. How Harry was there when Louis needed him and vice versa. How Louis wasn’t the only one suffering. No, all Eleanor saw was Louis suffering and weak, timid Harry doing nothing about it.

She can’t quite pinpoint the moment she started to fall in love with Louis. It kind of happened gradually, before she even knew it was happening. But then, he would kiss her for the cameras and she’d wish it was for real. He’d hold her hand and her stomach would flutter. He’d let her hug him and she’d never want to let go. Within a year there was no doubt about it. She was in love with Louis Tomlinson. Because, really, who  _ wouldn’t _ be?

But Louis was still with Harry. “Happy,” according to him. So Eleanor took her time. She let Louis rely on her, become closer with her. She indulged in their pap walks, in the kisses that, for Louis at least, were just for the camera. She quietly asked for more publicity stunts. To anyone, it would look like she was just playing her part well. But to Eleanor, she was slowly making Louis fall for her. 

Eleanor allowed herself to start believing. Believing that the sparkle in Louis’ eyes when they were out was because he was with her, not because he was thinking about or texting Harry. That when he confirmed their relationship with a smile, it was because he was thinking about her and not because he was pretending it was him and Harry being confirmed.

Still, she took her time. Louis was still so blinded by Harry, he couldn’t see what was right in front of him.

And then Zayn left. 

Eleanor saw a chance. And she took it.

They only had three more weeks with Zayn after that night. They tried to make the most of it, but by the time he left the only people he was on good terms with were Liam and Niall. Harry could barely even look at him. And Louis… all anyone got from Louis was cold glares and tight words through clenched teeth. He wouldn’t even talk to Harry, bitter and hurt. Louis started pushing the boys away, closing himself off. And, upset themselves, none of them were trying too hard to stop him. On the contrary, they gave him his space. Eleanor didn’t. She was there with Louis the whole time, letting him yell and cry until he exhausted himself. Waiting for her moment.

It came the night of their final concert as a fivesome. They had just finished and gone backstage, splitting immediately. Liam and Zayn were sitting on a couch talking quietly. They were on the best terms regarding all this. Niall went right for the food, Harry trailing behind dejectedly. Louis, however, stormed toward the exit, headed outside. Eleanor, who had been watching the show from the wings, gives him a few minutes before following.

When she gets outside she sees him immediately. Louis is sitting on the ground, slumped back against the wall with a cigarette dangling between his fingers. As Eleanor watches, he brings it to his lips, eyes closed, and takes a long drag. He looks destroyed, cheeks wet with tears and eyelashes clinging together. Vulnerable.

“Hey,” Eleanor says softly, sitting down next to him as he lets out the smoke from his lungs. He cracks an eye open, glancing at her. 

“Hi,” he answers, swallowing hard and closing his eye again, tilting his head back against the stone wall.

“Are you alright?” Louis snorts, taking another slow inhale from the cigarette. He exhales softly and then turns slightly to look sidelong at Eleanor.

“Don’t I look alright?” He asks with a tired, cheeky grin.

“Not quite,” Eleanor tells him without hesitation. He sighs and then tilts his head back, looking up at the sky.

“We’re all losing a best mate, yeah?” he says softly. Eleanor knows he’s not looking for a reply, so she doesn’t say a word. “But… I’m losing my brother, El.”

“Louis…” she whispers softly. He doesn’t pay her any mind. She’s not even sure he’s talking to her anymore.

“And shit, for once I thought I could have someone that wouldn’t leave me. I actually thought Zayn would stay. I mean, fuck, what is it about me?” Louis' gaze flicks back to Eleanor and she swallows hard, not daring to look away. “What is it about me? Am I just not worth staying for or summat?” Eleanor barely things about it before taking the hand that isn’t holding a cigarette in hers.

“No, Louis. Of course you are. And not everyone will leave you, Louis, you still have-”

“-Harry,” Louis cuts in softly, smiling gently. A nasty bubble of jealousy bursts in Eleanor, racing through her veins. “I'll always have-”

“Me!” Eleanor exclaims, unable to hold it back. “You still have  _ me _ , Louis! And you always will.” Before Louis has a chance to reply or Eleanor loses her nerve, she surges forward to catch his lips with her own, tasting the cigarette smoke lingering on his tongue as she presses herself closer to him, hands holding his cheeks in place softly. It lasts barely a moments before Louis reacts, jolting away and leaping to his feet, eyes wide as he wipes at his lips in disbelief. 

“Eleanor… what the hell was that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read Skye's works or face my wrath. 
> 
> As always, please leave a comment and all the love <3
> 
> x, T


	26. Twenty-Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. Also i'd like to reiterate this is a COMPLETE work of fiction and this isn't AT ALL how I think all of this went down. It's pure fiction, not even interpretation. Just made up by my weird, mildly fucked up brain.

“Eleanor, what the hell?” Louis demands, not sure if he should be angry or sorry or betrayed  _ what _ , because honestly,  _ what the hell _ ? So he just stands there, confused, his heart racing and hands shaking, cigarette dropping from his fingers and down to the pavement. He stamps it out quickly using the sole of his shoe. 

“Louis, you deserve  _ so much _ better, you deserve  _ me _ ,” Eleanor replies, eyes wide and pleading, reaching forward for Louis again. He skips back out of her reach, disgust rising in his chest.

“Eleanor, I’m with  _ Harry _ !” Eleanor just scoffs, rolling her eyes. She wrinkles her nose in contempt, and suddenly his sweetheart friend is gone. 

“Harry is  _ weak _ , Louis,” she says, as if speaking to a child. “He can never be enough for you.  _ I can _ .” Eleanor reaches for his hand again and he hops away, horrified by this previously unseen side to her. Then her words register and suddenly he’s  _ angry _ . Because  _ how dare she _ ?

“Eleanor, Harry is  _ everything _ to me,” Louis growls, eyes flashing. Suddenly, Eleanor wonders whether she’s just made a big  _ big _ mistake. “He’s the love of my life. You are the beard we had to hire to hide our relationship.”

“Oh come  _ on _ Louis!” Eleanor exclaims, her voice shrill. “I’m  _ always _ there for you! I’m the one that you go to when you can’t go to Harry! I’m the one that can actually be there for you! I _love_ you!” Louis’ fists clench, fire burning through his veins. 

“We are  _ nothing _ , Eleanor. We’re barely even friends. You’re my beard. Sometimes I actually  _ hate _ you. I hate you for allowing them to do this to us. For  _ helping _ them.”

“Louis, I-”

“No, El. We’re done. I’m going to ask Simon for a new beard, because he’ll never let me go without one. But I’m not going to let it be you after this. We are  _ done _ .” Then, eyes burning, Louis spins on his heel and marches off toward the cars, leaving a tearful and heartbroken Eleanor behind. 

Climbing in the backseat, Louis decides not to text or call Harry, needing some time to think, and asks the driver to take him to their apartment. They bought it not long ago, deciding they wanted a New York, LA, and London place so they’d always have a place to call home. Though, Louis thinks, as long as they’re together, anywhere is home. Technically, Harry owns the LA house, Louis owns the New York penthouse, and they share Princess Park. All they really need is each other.

-

“I’m worried about him,” Harry admits softly as he watches Louis storm out of the room. Niall frowns at the retreating boy, squeezing Harry’s arm reassuringly.

“He just needs some time. You know how Lou gets,” Niall assures him, grabbing a bag of nandos and plopping on the couch. Harry sits next to him with a sigh, twiddling with his rings.

He tenses when he sees Eleanor follow Louis out, but doesn’t move. “I just wish he’d talk to me.” Niall snorts and Harry frowns at him.

“Hypocrite,” Niall accuses. Harry makes a small, offended sound. “Listen, Haz. You and Lou are pretty much the best pairing I can think of. But you both love each other so much, you’d die to keep the other happy. It’s been like this for years- you keep the upsetting things to yourself because you know the other is hurting enough as it is. And it’s fucked up, mate. ‘S not your fault. But it’s fucked up.”

“I know,” Harry says quietly, staring down at his hands. “He just- he takes on  _ so much _ trying to protect me.”

“And you do the same.” Harry looks up at him, confused.

“C’mon Haz,” Niall says softly, eyes sad. “I know Simon’s hit you.” Harry swallows thickly, tears burning behind his eyes. “I’ve seen them turn you into some sex symbol for five years. Everything about this is fucked up. But you and Louis are lucky. You found each other.”

“I just- it’s going to become too much, Ni. Eventually, he’s going to realize it’s not worth it.  _ I’m _ not worth it,” he adds quietly. 

“Honestly, Styles, you’re both still so dense. You’re everything for each other.”

“If I wasn’t enough for Zayn to stay, what makes me enough for Louis?” Harry demands, voice sharp as he swallows his tears. Niall’s expression turns sad and he squeezes Harry’s knee. 

“You know that’s not why, Harry,” Zayn’s soft voice says from behind them. He’s apparently left the couch he was sitting on with Liam, coming to find them. Harry’s jaw tightens.

“Do I?” he asks, his voice cold.

“Harry-” Zayn starts, but Harry turns away, back to Niall. Zayn swallows hard, blinking back tears. He can only hope Harry will eventually realize how wrong he is. That he’ll realize how much Zayn loves him. That, one day, he can forgive Zayn. “I’m going now,” Zayn says softly, his voice tight with tears. He doesn’t get a response from Harry.

“Good luck and we’ll see ya, right mate? Don’t be a stranger,” Niall says, offering Zayn a smile. Zayn nods, bending over to give Niall an awkward hug without the blonde boy having to get up. His knee is still giving him shit, and Zayn would rather he stay sitting after a show like that.

“I’m sorry, Harry” Zayn whispers with a gentle squeeze of the younger boy’s shoulder.

“Just go, Zayn,” Harry says, eyes pinched shut and voice hoarse. Zayn squeezes his shoulder once more and then he’s gone. Harry lets out a quiet sigh, burying his face in his hands.

“You know, Louis’ probably thinking the same thing, mate. About not being enough. Go talk to him,” Niall urges. Harry hesitates, chewing on his lip. Then he nods, standing up to go after his husband. They’ve been together nearly five years. They’ll survive this. 

He exits the building, immediately searching for Louis. Instead, his gaze lands on Eleanor, leaning against the wall of the building. And she doesn’t look happy. 

“Hey El. Where’s Lou?” Eleanor’s eyes are hard when they meet his, cold and cruel.

“He left,” she answers, pushing off the wall and stepping towards him. Harry swallows, strangely nervous. 

“Uh, why? Is he ok? Did he say anything?”

“Dunno, when I came out he was getting off a call with Simon. Looked pretty shaken up.” Concern flickers across her face and Harry’s stomach drops. What did Simon want with Louis? “Almost scared. I don’t know what’s going on, but he just said something about having to go and ran off. Wouldn’t talk to me.”

“Shit,” Harry curses softly, starting towards the cars.

“You’re killing him, you know,” Eleanor calls out. Harry freezes, his blood turning to ice. He turns slowly, his throat tight and stomach twisting.

“W-what?” he asks, voice hoarse as he holds in tears. Eleanor looks at him coolly. 

“You’re killing him,” she repeats. “ _ This _ is killing him. Protecting you. Staying with you. Trying to take all of it on himself so you don’t have to.”

“What… what are you talking about?” Harry feels like he can’t breathe. What does she know? Eleanor scoffs, rolling her eyes. 

“You didn’t think you were the only one Simon hit, did you?” Harry feels nauseous.  _ No, it was supposed to just be me. He was supposed to leave Louis alone _ . Tears sting his eyes. Eleanor laughs cruelly at the expression on Harry’s face. “Oh  _ Harry _ . He’s been hitting Louis for years. Ever since that stupid tweet when you got all pissy because Louis had spent the day with me.” 

“No…” Harry whispers, his voice shaking. Four years? Louis’ been getting hit for  _ four years _ ? “Why- why wouldn’t he  _ tell  _ me?”

“Because, he’s trying to protect you. That’s all he’s ever done.” Eleanor’s eyes harden. “It’s your turn now, Harry.”

“I- what do you mean?” Anything, Harry will do  _ anything _ .

“Harry, there’s only one way to fix this. You know that. There’s one solution, one escape. One way to protect him. And if you don’t do it, Louis will keep getting hit. He’ll keep suffering trying to keep you happy. You know what you have to do Harry,” she says, her words soft by the end. Harry swallows hard as she turns and goes back inside. 

  
Harry steels himself, spinning and marching purposefully toward the Range Rovers. Louis has been protecting him for five years. Now it’s time for Harry to protect him. To save him. Even if it kills Harry. He climbs into the car, asking the driver to go to their apartment. Eleanor is right. Harry knows what he has to do. No matter how much it destroys him. No matter how much it shatters him into a million pieces. He has to do the last thing he ever wanted to do. But as long as Louis is safe, it’ll be worth it. Harry was still naive, but he sees now. They’ve been together almost five years. They  _ won’t _ survive this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go read bae's stories!!!!!!!!!!!! @Pink_Sunsets   
> they're almost as incredible as she is


	27. Chapter Twenty-Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry.
> 
> i couldn't bring myself to reread and edit this so this is what you get.

Harry cannot do this. There is no way he can do this. There is no way he can bring himself to ever do this. 

_ “You didn’t think you were the only one Simon hit, did you?” _

Eleanor’s words ring in his head. Images of Simon’s fists raining down on Louis flash across his eyes. Harry clenches his jaw and squeezes his eyes shut, swallowing his tears. He needs to do this. Eleanor is right. Louis has spent the better part of five years protecting Harry. It is Harry’s turn. Harry’s turn to give something up. Harry’s turn to lose everything to save Louis. 

So, steeling himself, Harry unlocks the door and steps into their apartment. He’s just gotta get through it. After that, he can go to the hotel room he rented from the car and cry. Or break stuff. We’ll see. 

“Louis?” Harry calls, voice hoarse. “Lou?”   
  


“‘M in the dining room,” Louis soft voice, rough, probably from crying, comes from the other room. Harry takes a deep breath, letting the door close behind him, and follows Louis’ voice. Louis looks a wreck, eyes puffy and nose red. Three cigarette butts sit in the ashtray in front of him and as Harry walks in, he puts out another. Two beer bottles, one half-full, are on the table before him. Fuck, Harry  _ cannot do this. _

“Sorry I ran off,” Louis murmurs, looking down at the table, hands held tightly in front of him. “Couldn’t uh- couldn’t be there anymore.” Harry doesn’t sit down. If Harry sits down, he will not be able to leave.

“‘S ok. I get it.”

“Did Eleanor say anything to you?” Louis asks, still not looking up at Harry. Harry freezes, swallowing hard. 

“No, why?” Harry hates lying to Louis and he’s about to do more of it than he ever wanted to.

“Uh, no reason,” he mutters. 

“Louis…” Harry takes a deep breath. This is it. “We gotta talk about all this.” Louis finally raises his gaze to Harry’s, frowning, confused. 

“About what?”

“About- about  _ us _ , Lou. I don’t- we can’t let it get as bad as Zayn did. We can’t keep doing this.”

“Harry, what the hell are you-”

“It’s breaking me. Not- not being able to  _ be _ with you. Having to see you with  _ her _ . I can’t- I can’t do it anymore Louis,” Harry’s voice cracks. Tears sting his eyes and he stares at the floor. He can’t look at Louis while he does this. He hears the chair scrape across the floor as Louis stands up. Hears the footsteps draw closer until checkered vans show up in his line of vision. Then there’s a gentle hand under his chin, forcing his face up to look at his.

“Harry,” Louis starts slowly, his voice raspy. “What are you saying?” And then, staring into Louis’ magnetizing, deep cerulean eyes that read him like a book, that strip him bare and reveal the deepest parts of himself, Harry breaks. He lets out a broken sob and Louis pulls him to his smaller body immediately. Harry nuzzles into Louis’ neck, breath hitching and body shaking as Louis shushes him.

“I can’t- fuck I can’t do this anymore, Louis,” Harry cries, letting Louis hold him. He shouldn’t. Touching Louis, holding Louis is not helping. So, despite the sharp ache in his heart and every molecule of his being screaming at him not to, Harry steps back, out of Louis’ arms.

“I can’t be with you,” he says, his voice rough and stronger than he expected it to be. Now Louis is crying, tears pooling in his eyes and tracking down his cheeks.

“Harry,  _ please _ , don’t do this,” Louis begs, reaching for Harry. Harry steps back. He needs to go. “We can figure this out, baby. We can work this out. We’ve done it for five years, we can-”

“We can’t,” Harry whispers, shaking his head. “ _ I _ can’t. Louis, Simon-” Harry sucks in a deep, shaky breath- “Simon will never let this happen. Let  _ us _ happen. And I can’t do it anymore.”

“Harry,” Louis pleads, his voice breaking and his face crumpling. 

“I’m sorry, Lou. We’re- we’re done.” And then Harry turns on his heel to leave. To leave the love of his life shattered and crying. Louis doesn’t let him.

“Harry!” Louis stops him, gripping Harry’s arm tightly and tugging him back to face Louis. And then, before Harry has a chance to pull away, Louis is dragging Harry down for a desperate, pleading kiss. Louis doesn’t let him go, pressing his body into Harry’s and kissing him deeply.  _ Don’t do this _ , he seems to say. Louis winds his arms around Harry’s neck, refusing to let him move, not allowing him to pull back. Holding Harry to him because he knows, the moment he lets Harry go, it’s over.

Harry can’t help himself, hands gripping Louis’ waist and kissing him back, just as desperately. Except for Harry, it’s  _ goodbye _ . It’s  _ I’m sorry _ . It’s  _ I love you _ . Harry nips at Louis’ bottom lip, swallowing the resulting whine from the smaller boy. Their lips move in sync, a pattern learned from years of knowing each other better than they know themselves. Louis pulls him impossibly closer, elbows hooked behind the larger man’s neck. Harry’s fingers tighten on Louis’ waist, holding him so close neither knows where one starts and the other starts, molding into each other. 

Harry’s hands come up to cradle Louis’ face, deepening the kiss further and Louis melts into him. Then, he tastes the saltiness of tears on Louis’ lips. Hears the hitching of Louis’ breath. Harry breaks the kiss, holding Louis’ in place and resting their foreheads together. Louis’s wide blue eyes look at him through dark lashes, tears shining.

“Please,” Louis whispers, his voice cracking. “Please, don’t do this.” Harry’s thumbs brush along Louis’ cheekbones, biting his lip. God, he  _ does not _ want to do this.

_ “You didn’t think you were the only one Simon hit, did you?” _

How many times has it happened? How many times has the face Harry’s holding been marred with bruises from Simon’s fists? How many times has the body he worships fallen victim to the older man’s anger? How much worse has Louis suffered while trying to save Harry? 

So, his heart aching, Harry jerks back, away from Louis. Away from the love of his life. 

“I’m sorry,” he gasps. “I- I cannot do this. I can’t do this anymore. It’s over, Louis. I’m sorry.” And then, before Louis can say anything else, Harry is running. Tripping, stumbling, running away. Like a coward, he runs out of the room. Out of the apartment. Away from the very thing he loves most. The person he loves most in the world. He doesn’t even see where he’s going, tears blurring his vision. And then he’s in the lift, blindly pressing the button for the lobby and falling back against the wall as the doors shut. He slides to the floor, knees drawn up and head buried in his hands as he sobs. 

-

Louis can’t move. He’s frozen as Harry runs away, mouth dropped open and vision blurred by tears, more falling down his cheeks.  _ It’s over _ . The words echo through Louis’ mind.  _ I can’t do this anymore.  _ Louis drops to his knees, numb and feeling entirely hollow. Feeling like his heart was just ripped from his chest and stomped on, leaving him empty. 

“Harry,” Louis whispers into the space Harry just was, even though the boy, the love of his life, is long gone. With his name, the pain starts. A sharp, stabbing ache, spreading through his body, pulsing out from his heart and leaving his entire body hurting, and empty, hollow ache that seems like it’ll never leave. Louis doubles over, clutching his chest with a shaking sob.

“Please, please, please,” Louis whispers, to no one in particular, “don’t leave me. Please, don’t leave me.” Harry was supposed to be the one. The one who stayed. The one who loved him unconditionally. But Louis was just kidding himself. No one could ever truly love him. No one will ever really stay. Everyone realizes it eventually- Louis isn’t enough and he never will be. Louis lets out a shout, screaming, anything to release the pain in his chest. He takes a deep, shuddering breath.

_ Pull yourself together, Tommo. _

Louis Tomlinson doesn’t break. He doesn’t wallow in self pity. So Louis breathes deeply and stands up, nails digging into his palms. No, what Louis Tomlinson does is get piss drunk, box up any emotions, and shove them deep down inside himself. Louis grabs the beer bottle from the table, downing the remainder. He sighs as numbness travels through him again, dulling the ache but not nearly enough. He needs to go. He needs to get out of here. He cannot be here. Not in this- not in  _ their _ apartment. Not at the dining table they chose together. Not where everything reminds him of Harry when right now, all he needs to do is  _ forget _ . Dull the ache, drink and smoke away the pain. 

So, roughly swiping away his tears, Louis sets his jaw and storms out into the hall, marching towards the exit. He grabs his jacket and leaves, slamming the door shut and not bothering to lock it. Let him be robbed. Let someone come and strip away any reminder of Harry from the apartment. 

Right now, Louis just needs to  _ forget _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know louis' is weird but just gimme a break ok? writing hurt or upset louis literally shatters me and i just- no. so. yeah.


	28. Chapter Twenty-Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this just sucks i have no excuse i'm sorry. do yourself a favor and just dont read this and go read A Long Way From The Playground or Sky Full Of Stars instead cause they are superior and bae is amazing and talented as fuck.
> 
> also it's 3 am, this is crack, and not edited.
> 
> and as always, it's for Skye because she basically owns this (shitty) story anyway.

Louis doesn’t even know where he is. He doesn’t know how many drinks he’s had. All he knows is everything feels floaty and that sad feeling- why was he sad? Louis can’t remember. Whatever. Buzzing is better than crying, so Louis downs whatever’s in his hand, coughing before bringing the joint up to his lips, taking a long, deep drag.

“Where’s Harry?” he slurs, frowning as he slumps into the bar, eyes scanning for the familiar curly head of hair. Then a sharp pain stabs through his chest.  _ He’s gone. He’s not coming back to you _ . Louis swallows hard, grabbing a random glass from the bar and tipping it’s contents down his throat, burning as they go. “Oh tha’s righ’,” he grumbles, “he’s ‘done.’ He fuckin’ gave up. ‘S not ‘is faul’ though.” He’s talking to no one, rambling drunkenly to anyone who will listen. Tears sting his eyes and Louis looks down, bringing the blunt back to his lips. “‘S not ‘is faul’ ‘m fucked up.”

“Hey,” a bright voice says. Louis looks up to see clear blue eyes sparkling at him, an objectively pretty face framed by long blonde hair. “You feel like dancing?”

“Sorry to tell ya, luv, but ‘m about as straight as I can walk right abou’ now.” Louis giggles at his own joke and the girl smiles warmly. 

“Just a dance, babe,” the girl presses, too close for Louis’ comfort. “Maybe I can help you forget about your ex, just for a bit.” 

“Fuck it,” Louis grumbles, taking a long drag from his joint before dropping the remainder into the empty glass, letting the blonde girl pull him away, towards the dance floor. She pulls him right up against her back, writhing and squirming in his grip as she pulls his hands to her waist, holding them there tightly. 

Louis decides to go with it, burying his face into the girl’s neck and in his drunken daze, he can almost  _ almost _ pretend the too-straight hair is Harry’s curls. That the too-flowery perfume is Harry’s cologne. That the too-small hips are Harry’s.  _ Almost _ . Enough for Louis to get into the dancing, tightening his hold on the girl’s waist and pressing light, sloppy kisses to her neck. She practically purrs underneath him and it all feels  _ wrong _ , but then she turns in his arms and rises to smash her lips into his, kissing him sloppily and insistently, arms winding around his neck to drag him down to her.

Louis lets her. He lets her kiss him and lets himself pretend the lips are Harry’s. He lets himself  _ forget _ .

-

Harry feels like he can’t breathe as he slides into the backseat of the car he had wait for him. His breaths are short, panicked. He stammers the address of his hotel to the driver and then buries his head in his hands, gasping deep breaths as tears sting his eyes.

“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” Harry whispers, rocking in his seat. He lets out a high whine, clutching his hair tightly.  _ What did he just do? _ “Louis. God, oh fuck, I’m so sorry.” Harry squeezes his eyes shut, holding back the tears desperately. The driver says nothing, just glances at Harry in the rearview mirror and drives. 

They reach the hotel after not too long, but Harry barely notices.

“Mr. Styles,” the driver says softly. Harry looks up, red-rimmed eyes blinking away tears. “We’re here.” Harry sniffs, rubbing a palm over his eyes. 

“Thank you,” he says, voice rough as he slides out of the car, putting on sunglasses and keeping his head bowed as he hurries inside. He walks quickly to the counter, hoping to avoid being recognized by anyone.

“Hi! How can I help you?” The woman at the counter asks brightly. 

“I uh, I’m checking in. The name’s Tom- Styles.” Harry barely catches himself. “Harry Styles.” The woman- Beth’s- eyes widen in recognition and Harry raises an expectant eyebrow.

“Oh o-of course,” she stammers, hurriedly clacking away at the keyboard. “We um, we have you in the King Suite, correct?”

“Yeah,” Harry replies, swallowing the tears building up. “I’d really just like to go up, please.”

“Sure, of course. Um, here’s your room key.” The lady fumbles for the key before passing it to Harry. “Do you have any bags or anything?” Harry grabs the key, shaking his head. He turns away and almost immediately feels bad. She didn’t do anything wrong, there was no need to be rude.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” he says softly, running back and offering a gentle smile. “”S not been the best night.” The woman smiles back warmly, sympathetic.

“I understand Mr. Styles. No worries, I hope your night gets better,” she replies.

“Doubtful. But thank you. And call me Harry.” Harry pulls a crumpled twenty from his pocket and sets it on the counter before turning and walking towards the lift. Mercifully, he gets one to himself. Harry sighs softly, leaning his head against the wall and closing his eyes as he travels up.

The doors open with a quiet ding and Harry blinks. He can hold it together until he reaches his room. He’ll be fine. He’ll make it. He stumbles out of the lift, a twisting churning in his gut, an ache in his heart. He fumbles fitting the key into the lock, shaking now. Tears are blurring his vision when he finally gets the door open, slamming it behind him and instantly sinking back down against it, head dropping into his hands.

“I had to,” Harry whispers, trying to convince himself, “I had to do it. I had to. I had to stop it, I had to make it stop. I had to keep you  _ safe _ , Louis.” Harry pulls at his curls, hot tears burning down his cheeks. “It’s going to be ok, now. It’s going to be better.  _ You’re _ going to be ok. That’s all that matters. Fuck, I’m so sorry.” Harry’s phone buzzes in his pocket and he reaches for it, a small part of him begging for it to be Louis calling to take him back. It’s not. 

“What do you want Ni?” Harry asks roughly, clearing his throat and leaning his head back against the door. 

“Haz what the hell is happening? Eleanor just told us Louis is getting a new beard? What the fuck is going on, I thought we were good with El.” Harry’s heart sinks.  _ What happened? _ “El said she’s getting fired because Simon was pissed about something with you and her and Lou?”  _ Oh god _ .

“Ni, I have to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Harry shakily hung up the phone, his heart twisting. Eleanor must’ve tried to help Louis. To help  _ them _ . She said something to Simon and now she’s been fired. Louis is going to get a new beard forced on him.

_ No fucking way Harry is letting that happen _ .

Frantically, Harry scrolls through his contacts before clicking on Simon’s, dialing the number before he can stop himself. The line rings several times, Harry’s heart sinking each time it goes unanswered.

“Harry?” Simon’s gruff voice comes through the phone and Harry shudders despite himself. “What do you-”

“Don’t make him take a beard,” Harry blurts. Simon sighs exasperatedly. 

“Harry-”

“No, Simon. I- I broke it off with him. We’re through. Don’t force that on him, please, not again.” Tears are streaming down Harry’s face, breath hitching as he begs.

“And why should I believe that, Harry?”

“Because- because I know you hit him, Simon. And I know that I sure as fuck can’t stop you. So- so breaking up with him was the only way to make it stop. Eleanor told me, and she was right. Louis’ been putting up with all of your bullshit for five years trying to protect me.” Harry’s voice drops to an angry growl, rage building in him as he talks. “But that’s fucking done.  _ We _ are fucking done. I broke up with him. It was the only fucking way, you fucking won Simon! You won so just leave Louis  _ alone _ !”

“Ok.” Harry blinks, the adrenaline sinking away. 

“Wh-what?”

“Alright, Harry. But if you fuck up one more time…”

  
“I know,” Harry says quickly. “I know. I won’t. I promise. Thank you.” The line goes dead and Harry slumps further against the door, eyes closing and a soft sigh escaping him. He did the right thing. He did the right thing. The more he tells it to himself, the worse it sounds in his head. The more incorrect it feels.  _ He did the right thing _ . Right?


	29. Chapter Twenty-Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. I didn't plan on ending this here. I had some more planned for this story, but finals are coming up, and this oneshot (that's now over 50000 words wtf!!!!!!!) and my oneshot series are now taking up all the free time I have. I've realized i really don't love making chaptered stories, but I did love writing this. Over winter break, i'll likely write a sequel for this including what happened over my version of the 5 year hiatus cause this is entirely just made up at this point don't hate me. I want to thank absolutely everyone that's been following this story and supporting me. Especially Skye. I don't think I would have written this if it wasn't for you and your story. And aditi and the gc (you know who you are) as well. Thank you guys for convincing my dumb ass to write and post this. It's honestly been pretty much life changing for me. If you want, please check out my oneshots already posted and DEFINITELY keep an eye out for Strawberries and Cigarettes and the sequel oneshot to this, my loves!! I love all of you and please drop a comment below, thank you for your support and I hope you liked this story as much as I loved loved LOVED writing it!

Well. If nothing else, Louis has one thing to feel happy about today. Ok, maybe not  _ happy _ . But… justified? Whatever he’s feeling, it’s something other than heartbreak. Because Harry looks about how Louis feels- fucking awful. Louis doesn’t remember much from last night. He remembers their last show with Zayn. He remembers El trying to make a move on him. He remembers Harry ripping his heart out and stomping on it with those damned Chelsea boots. He remembers Harry leaving him. He remembers going out and getting shit-faced. He remembers dancing with that girl- Bianca?- and then not much else. 

He woke up this morning in the girl- Briana!-’s flat and ran out before she woke up, guilt twisting in his stomach. Or maybe that was the residual alcohol from last night. Either way, it had him puking his guts out in the bushes outside her complex (oops?) while he waited for Paul to come get him. 

Then he went home and cried in the shower.

And  _ then _ he reminded himself that he is Louis fucking Tomlinson.

After that, he smoked right through an entire pack of cigarettes and got ready to go. They had a band meeting today. He had shit to do. He would not  _ wallow _ . _He’s Louis fucking Tomlinson._

So, he put on a pair of joggers and his maroon scoop-neck shirt, grabbed his “boyfriend” jacket, and ran out the door without looking at himself. He knew he looked awful. Bags under the eyes, nose stained red from a night and morning of drinking and crying, eyes glassy and bloodshot. Whatever. 

He was, naturally, late. But when he burst into the hotel conference room and his eyes landed on Harry, he didn’t care. 

Harry’s a mess too, curls wild and unwashed, eyes downcast and bleary, heavy shadows beneath them. His lip is bitten-red, a habit Harry’s had since even before they met. He’s wearing a pair of skinnies and a jumper Louis is entirely positive is actually his. Upon seeing him, Louis’ throat closes up, all the air leaving his lungs. Tears burn his eyes and his grip on the door handle is white knuckled, the metal cutting into his palm. He clenches his jaw. Harry’s the one who gave up on  _ him _ . Louis’ll be damned if he’s going to cry in front of him. So he swallows thickly, forced a grin, closes the door, and moves around the table to drop into the seat beside Harry. He doesn’t miss the way Harry tenses, or the sharp intake of breath. 

“So how were all of your nights?” Louis asks, forcing as much cheer into his voice as he can. 

“Pretty shit mate,” Niall responds, his voice hard. Louis blinks. Is Niall  _ mad _ at him?

“Lads, let’s not do this now,” Liam says firmly, eyes boring into the table. 

“Do what?” Louis demands, eyes flashing. “Is there a problem?”

“We know what happened-”

“Between me and Harry?” Louis finishes for Niall. “I don’t think you fucking do. Cause if you did, you wouldn’t be getting pissy with  _ me _ .”

“I’m not getting pissy with you!”

“Stop,” Harry whispers, eyes squeezed shut. They both ignore him, glaring daggers at each other.

“Bullshit,” Louis accuses.

“I-”

“Morning, lads,” Simon cheers, waltzing into the room. He’s sickeningly happy, his wide smile twisting Louis’ gut and clenching his fists. He raises an eyebrow at the palpable tension in the room, but slides into his seat without commenting.

“What’re we doing here, Simon?” Liam asks cooly, but Louis can see the tightness in his jaw, the tensity in every line of his body. 

“We need to have a talk about the future of the band after Mr. Malik’s  _ unfortunate _ departure.”

“”You mean after your abuse finally scared him off?” Louis snaps, anger racing through him. The boys, save Harry who continues to stare at his hands in his lap, look at him with wide eyes. Simon just cuts him with a cool, icy glare.

“Zayn left of his own accord.”

“Oh that’s a load of shite and you know it, Simon. You never wanted him in the band.”

“ _ In any case _ ,” Simon grits out, his voice steely. “We have to discuss what happens next.”

“Nothing,” Harry says quietly. All heads snap to look at him. He doesn’t look up, playing with his rings. “Nothing happens next. Our contract is up at the end of the year. I sure as hell am never signing with you again.” Simon’s eyes narrow.

“You say that like you have a choice,” he snarls. Louis wants to drag the attention back to him. Tear the focus from Harry, keep Harry out of it. Protect Harry. But Harry’s made it painfully clear that’s not up to him anymore. Harry’s eyes snap up to Simon, his gaze angry and tearful and  _ terrifying _ in only the way an angry Harry can be. Louis can’t help the sharp gasp that escapes him, but no one seems to notice.

“I do,” Harry says, his voice cool. “I talked to the Azoff’s.”

Simon lets out a barking laugh. “The Azoff’s? Bloody brilliant, Harry.”

“Hiatus,” Harry says. Simon freezes, his murderous glare returning. “We can go on an indefinite hiatus. It’s in our contract.”

“Harry, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” Simon grits through clenched teeth.

“Actually, I do. An indefinite hiatus. Indefinite meaning we can extend it until our contract with you is up for good.”

“Harry, what are you doing?” Louis hisses. Harry doesn’t look at him.

“Haz, this means we won’t be a band anymore…” Niall says slowly. Harry looks at him.

“I understand what hiatus means, Ni.”

“But- but we won’t be a  _ band _ ,” Niall protests again.

“Zayn was right,” Harry says, looking at Simon again. “We can’t go on like this. None of us can. I’m done. I am  _ done _ . Done with you and your bullshit, Simon. Done with being controlled. I’m.  _ Done _ .”

“Harry,” Louis says softly, a hand on the younger man’s arm. “You can’t be serious.” Harry’s eyes finally,  _ finally _ meet Louis’. Emerald green swims in tears, something vulnerable and terrified hiding in their depths.

“I am,” he whispers. Then he’s jerking away, standing from the table and running a hand through his wild curls. “Simon, write up whatever contracts you need.” And then Harry brushes past Louis’ chair and marches out the door. Niall starts to stand to go after him, but Louis is already pushing back his chair and running after the curly-headed man, slamming the door shut behind him.

“Harry!” Louis shouts as he chases him down the hotel hall. Harry doesn’t stop. Louis runs after him, managing to grab his sleeve and pulling the taller boy to face him. “What the hell are you  _ doing _ ?”

“I can’t- I can’t do it anymore, Lou,” Harry gasps, tears running down his cheeks. “Any of it. I can’t do the stunts, I can’t do the lies, I can’t do this.  _ Especially _ not without Zayn. I mean, fuck, I just- I  _ can’t _ .” Harry rubs the heel of his hand across his cheek, body shaking. Louis doesn't care anymore. Doesn't care about last night. Doesn't care about their fight. Doesn't care about Simon or Eleanor or any of that shit. All that matters is _Harry_.

“Shh, shh, I know, I know Hazza,” Louis whispers, thumbs coming up to brush away the tears from Harry’s face. Harry blinks at him with those wide green eyes that made Louis fall head over heels for him five years ago. “I know.” Louis goes to pull Harry into a hug, but the taller boy jerks away.

“Harry,” Louis sighs exasperatedly. “What’s this about? Like, really? What is this?”

“He hit you,” Harry says, voice hard and indecipherable. Louis’ stomach drops. 

“Wh-what are you talking about?”

“Simon. He hit you.” Harry's eyes meet his, teary and _broken_.

“H-how did-?”

“Eleanor told me. She told me all the shit you’re going through for  _ me _ , Louis.”

“That manipulative fucking bitch,” Louis growls, rage burning through him. 

“Why wouldn’t you  _ tell _ me that?” Harry begs, eyes searching Louis’ for any kind of explanation.

“Because it wouldn’t have changed anything!” Louis exclaims. This is why Harry wasn’t supposed to find out, why he was  _ never _ supposed to find out. Louis was handling it.

“It could have! We could have gone to the  _ police _ !” Louis laughs, shaking his head and biting back tears. Harry grabs his arms, making Louis look at him. “We could have  _ tried _ . I mean fuck, that’s what Paul said to do the very first time it happened!” Louis freezes, his blood turning to ice. Harry blanches, seemingly realizing his slip-up.

“What do you mean?” Louis demands, forcing his voice to stay steady. Harry backs away, hands leaving Louis and shaking. Louis steps closer, eyes alight with barely-contatined fury. “Harry what the fuck are you saying?”

“I-”

“That son of a bitch!” Louis growls, turning on his heel and marching back toward the conference room. Harry chases after him, reaching for his sleeve, pulling at him, trying to stop him. But not even god himself could stop Louis as he shoves Harry off and storms into the room, interrupting the argument occurring between Liam, Niall, and Simon.

“You piece of shit!” Louis shouts, fists clenching. Simon’s cold gaze shifts to him and Louis is basically shaking with rage as Harry tries to pull him back. “You fucking  _ hit _ him?!” Niall and Liam pale and Harry knows he’s crying now. 

“Louis, stop,” Harry begs, pulling at the older man’s sleeve. Louis just shakes him off. 

“You said you wouldn’t,” Louis says, his voice scarily cold. “You said as long as I did what you fucking said you’d leave him alone.” Simon stands, turning to face the two men. 

“And I told him the same thing. And guess what boys? You  _ both _ fucked up. Over and over.” His gaze slides to Harry. “We had a deal, Harry.” Harry manages a wet, incredulous laugh, releasing his hold on Louis.

“We’ve made a lot of deals, Simon. Your word means nothing. You never would’ve honored this one, so why the fuck should I?” That gets Louis’ attention and he looks back at Harry.

“What deal was it this time?” Louis asks, voice shockingly soft. Harry doesn’t look at him, glaring at Simon. Louis grabs his chin softly, making the younger man look at him. “What was the deal?” Harry swallows hard, gaze moving from Simon to Louis.

“That if we stayed broken up, you wouldn’t have to take a new beard,” he says, words thick with tears. Louis chuckles darkly, turning back to the man behind him.

“You’re fucking sick, Simon,” he scoffs, crossing his arms, “but I didn’t think you were possibly that  _ stupid _ . You really thought either of us would buy a word out of your mouth?”

“You boys really fucked up this time,” Simon snarls. Louis scoffs, stepping closer. Niall and Liam are beside Harry now, backing them both. 

“What the fuck are you gonna do about it?” Louis challenges, blue eyes flashing. Simon’s eyes narrow, but he says nothing. “ _ This _ is over.” With that, Louis turns on his heel, grabs Harry by the elbow, and drags them both from the room, Niall and Liam right behind them.

“Ni, where’s your room?” Louis asks, hold tight on Harry’s arm even as the younger man tries to wiggle out of his grip. 

“304. Louis, what-”

“Great give me your key card and to Liam’s,” Louis orders, holding out a hand and raising an expectant eyebrow. Niall sighs, realizing there’s no point in trying to talk to Louis now, and passes over the key. 

“Louis,” Harry whines as they enter the lift. The second the doors close, Louis is shoving Harry back against the wall, hands on his arms, and crushes his lips to Harry’s desperately. Harry lets out a small, surprised squeak as Louis kisses him. There’s nothing soft about this kiss, it’s clashing teeth and gripping hands and _desperate_. 

  
  


It’s a moment before Harry can gather himself enough to react, soft hands coming to hold Louis’ face, the smaller man’s dropping to hold his waist. He forcibly softens the kiss, tipping Louis’ chin up and kissing him slowly, teasingly. Louis hits against his chest, breaking apart for just a second, blown-out, glassy blue eyes staring up and breaths heavy. 

“Kiss me for real, Harry,” Louis demands, his voice rough. Harry lets out a low sound from the back of his throat and then flips their positions, pinning Louis to the wall with a hand on his hip and another holding Harry’s jaw. Harry lowers his face until he can feel Louis’ huffing breath across his lips.

“I’ll kiss you exactly how I kiss you,” he says, voice low. He feels Louis shiver beneath him and he leans forward just ever so slightly…

The doors ding open. 

Harry smirks, pulling Louis out of the lift and into the hall. They practically run to Niall’s room and Louis attaches his lips to Harry’s neck as the taller boy tries to open the door.

“You know,” Louis whispers against his throat, “we _do_ need to talk.” Harry finally gets the door open and they stumble into the room. 

“Yeah we do,” Harry agrees, grabbing Louis’ face and kissing him deeply, pressing him into the wall while the door slams shut. “Later.” Louis sighs as Harry’s lips skip down to his neck, sucking a bruise into the skin of his throat. Then Louis remembers where he woke up this morning. Who he woke up with. Guilt rips through him and he pushes at Harry’s chest.

“Harry. Haz, Harry, stop,” Louis whispers. Harry stops immediately, pulling back and looking at Louis with furrowed brows and concerned eyes. Louis feels tears building in his eyes as guilt claws at his heart.

“Lou, what’s wrong?” Harry asks softly, thumb brushing away a tear as it falls down Louis’ cheek. Louis squeezes his eyes shut and falls forward, urging Harry to envelop him in his arms.

“Fuck, Haz, I fucked up. I fucked up really bad,” Louis cries into Harry’s solid chest.

“What’re you talking about? With Simon? We both did, Lou. We’ll be fine, we’ll work it out-” Louis shakes his head.

“No, no. Last- last night, Hazza, fuck I’m so sorry.” Harry pulls back, cupping Louis’ face in his hands. 

“If either of us fucked up last night, it was me, my love. I never should have done that. I messed up so bad. I let- I let them into my head, and I fucked up so bad. I don’t know why on Earth you’re even willing to take my back-”

“Harry,” Louis interrupts. “I- I slept with someone else.” Louis sees something in Harry’s eyes shatter.

“You- what?”

“I- I think. I think I slept with someone else last night.”

“You  _ think _ ?” Harry echoes, stepping back. Louis’ hands flash to Harry’s in a second, holding it to his cheek, not wanting to lose the contact.

“I- fuck, Haz. I got so drunk. I went out and I just- I drank  _ so much. _ I just wanted to forget, I’m so sorry.”

“How- how do you not  _ know _ if you fucked someone?” Harry’s eyes search Louis’, both of them on the verge of tears. 

“I- she was asleep when I left, and I just-”

“Wait,  _ she _ ?” Harry repeats. 

“Ye-yeah, it was this bird I met at the club. Briana, I think her name was.”

“Why- Lou you’re _ gay _ , why were you with her in the first place?” Harry demands, something flashing in his eyes. Louis flushes despite himself, remembering exactly what it was that drew him in.

“She had the same shampoo as you,” he whispers. “I was shit-faced enough so that I could almost-  _ almost _ \- pretend that-” Louis cuts himself off with a shaky breath.

“Pretend she was me?” Harry asks, voice low and eyes dark as he steps forward, crowding Louis back against the wall. Louis bites his bottom lip, nodding hesitantly. Harry lowers his lips until they brush across Louis’ ear. Louis shivers at the touch. “She kiss you, Lou?”

“Not like you do,” Louis answers. Harry lets out a quiet laugh, nose tucking under Louis’ jaw. “I’m- shit, Harry, I’m so sorry.” Harry retreats again, hands once more cupping Louis’ face.

“I messed up last night, Lou. Really,  _ really _ bad. Probably worse than either of us ever have. I think- I think we should just move forward, yeah? I mean, if you can?” There’s something painfully vulnerable in Harry’s eyes and Louis smiles softly, raising a hand to run his thumb along Harry’s bottom lip.

“Of course I can,” Louis breathes. Louis smirks. “Cause baby, we’re fireproof.” Harry groans, dropping his forehead to Louis’.

“And everyone says  _ I’m  _ the sap,” he mutters. Louis laughs, throwing his arms around Harry’s neck and pecking his lips.

“You are.” His gaze turns serious again. “You really think we can move past it?”

“Yeah, I do,” Harry whispers, kissing Louis again. Louis grins against his lips and deepens the kiss, leaning into Harry. They break apart with quiet giggles and heavy breaths. “Niall might kill us if we fuck in his room.”

“And?” 

“We should probably go talk to them about…”

“The hiatus,” Louis finishes. “Were you serious, Haz?” Harry bites his lip, eyes flicking over Louis’.

“Yeah, I was,” he says finally. “I- I think this can work, Lou. We wait until our contract runs up or Simon just quits.”

“Or dies,” Louis pipes in. Harry lets out a short laugh, but Louis quickly grows serious again. “We wouldn’t be in the band anymore.”

“We would,” Harry argues. “We’d just be… on a break.”

“For how long?”

“Until we can come back the way  _ we _ want to.”

Louis takes a deep breath, staring into Harry’s eyes. “Ok. Let’s go talk to the others.” Harry smiles, a little sadly, and dips down to kis Louis.

“I love you so much,” he whispers softly.

“I love you, too.” Louis takes Harry’s hand, squeezing it gently. “Always.”

-

**Five years, seven months, and some days later**

“You ready, sunshine?” Louis asks, glancing at Harry. Both of them are nervous, though neither wants to admit it.

“Yeah,” Harry breathes out. “Yeah, I think so. You?”

“Let’s do this.”

“Well I’m bloody freaked,” Niall exclaims good-naturedly, arms slinging around their shoulders. 

“Oh please,” Liam huffs from beside them. “We’ve done this a million times.”

“Yeah, but that was five years ago and almost entirely scripted,” Zayn points out. 

“You’re on in two minutes,” a stagehand tells them. Harry thanks her quietly and she walks off. 

“We’ve got this,” Niall says confidently. Zayn’s cool eyes cut into Harry and Louis.

“What about you two? You sure you’re ready to do this?” Louis and Harry exchange long looks and nervous, excited smiles.

“Yeah,” Harry breathes. “We’ve been waiting ten years. I think we’re ready.”

“‘S about bloody time!” Louis huffs with a small grin. Harry squeezes his hand, smiling lovingly.

“One minute!” someone warns. 

“We’ve gone through a lot to get here,” Harry says quietly, gazing at Louis. He glances at the other boys. “All of us have.”

“Worth it?” Louis asks.

“For you?” Harry kisses him quickly as someone gives them the thirty second warning. “Always.”

“You’re on!” a voice calls. The boys take a deep, simultaneous breath. 

“And to start off the New Year,” James Corden’s voice yells as the boys- men, now- start to walk out, “back after five long years, the one and onle, One Direction!” Screams fill their ears as they enter the stage, Louis’ grip tight on Harry’s hand and both of their smiles wide and nervous.

They’re back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that was a satisfactory ending (for now at least) and thank you enjoyed the story! Please please PLEASE keep an eye out for the incoming oneshots and if you want, check out the already posted ones!!!! Again, huge thank you to Skye (love you bae <3) and everyone who's supported me all along the way. Comment any questions/comments/messages/anything down below and feel free to message me on twitter (bumble_bee_be), tumblr (bumble-bee-be), or insta(multi._.au).
> 
> (the way i'm rereading this a million times and literally shaking as I try to post it omg i can't ugh-)  
> ((ok imma do it))  
> (((for real)))  
> ((((ok here we go))))  
> (((((yikes)))))

**Author's Note:**

> Please please PLEASE comment and let me know what you think!!!
> 
> Going to try and post every 3-4 days!


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